Sex, drugs and sausage rolls*
My first job was in a small family run store under the Happy Shopper chain. Great people I'd known for a long time, but not a clue when it came to running a store. It was a bit WW2. It was nice to have a traditional store about, that sold biscuits and fresh cakes, hot pastries and stamps as well, but still... If they really wanted to, they could have made a lot more money from it. They didn't need loads of money, as a 55/60ish year old couple they were just a little obivious. I took advantage, I'm sorry to say.

The shop was probably 8m x 20m, with doors situated at either side of the 8m face on one end, and the counter stretching between the two doors. Access was only granted on one side, however, as one end was blocked off by the 'hot counter' - where all the pastrie were kept.

We had all manner of greasy goodness. Steak bakes (this was WAY before I'd ever heard of Greggs, as this was 6 years ago. And in Hertfordshire), Breakfast Bakes (egg, sausage, beans), Cornish Pasties, Sausages/Bacon for baps, and Sausage Rolls. Beautiful, gorgeous sausage rolls - at LEAST a good 8 inches long. And, from what I've heard, that's about bang on. I mean, any more than 8 and they find it a struggle.

My bosses/supervisors at the time would always cook too many pastries. At 13:00 they'd stop selling and we'd take them out from under the heater, at 13:30 they're as hard as diamonds, and at 18:00 enough pastry hits the bottom of the bin that if you listen quietly, you can just make out the distant cries of Rick Waller.

For each shift I worked I got a free pastry of my choosing for lunch, but I was a 15/16 year old kid going through quite a growth spurt. One measly pastry was not enough. After working there for a month or two I picked up courage, and went for a second sausage roll. By 6 months I was sneaking 2 sausage rolls, a packet of crisps and a can of coke on a tab never to be paid. By month #23 I was really taking the piss, and under plain view of CCTV.

One day my boss called me back to the staff kitchen, sounding fairly aggitated. It was about 14:00 on my Saturday shift, I worked 10:00 to 16:00, so still had a good few pastries to go.The dialogue wasn't too unlike this:

Boss: Munch, you do know that you're not allowed to eat behind the counter, right?
Me: Yes....
B: You've been doing it all day, I've just watched the CCTV. In fact, you weren't even paying for what you were eating.
M: But they're all going to get thrown away.
B: Do you know how much you ate today?
M: No... But I'll pay for it, I didn't mean for it to be like stealing, just take it out of my shift. (I got paid cash in hand)
B: Oh, I will. Because you've eaten £22 worth of food today. Get back to work!

£22! Jesus Christ, I couldn't believe it. Let me put this into perspective, all of the pastries were costed between £1.00 and £1.50. Coke at about 60p (to be fair, I could easily have had around 10 of these), and sweets or crisps at about 50p.

£22 I ate. I was only on £3.90 an hour, that was almost my entire fucking pay for that shift gone. I'd wasted the entire morning and left with about £1 in my pocket and barely even a full fucking stomach.

PISS. TAKE.


*Minus the sex and drugs
(MunchMyBalloons, Fri 15 Apr 2011, 23:40, 5 replies)

.
Cunt.


EDIT: Unless, by PISS.TAKE you mean the entire treatise on the shittiness of human nature you've decided to disgorge upon this august board; if so, I apologise for being a po-faced cunt, otherwise, you are an utter douchebag.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Sat 16 Apr 2011, 9:51, closed)

I'm not sure "you are a cunt" was appropriate, but "you were a cunt" certainly would have been.

"PISS. TAKE." were my thoughts at the time, as a rude, ungrateful 15 year old (have we not all been there?). Of course, this story is set 6 years in the past, and there is no evidence in this post to suggest I'd do the same thing now, given the situation.

So yes, I accept your apology for being a cunt.
(MunchMyBalloons, Sat 16 Apr 2011, 15:34, closed)

If they were to be thrown away then that is the cuntish bit...
I worked at McDonald's for about a month before going to Uni and we were made to throw away about 20 burgers, apple pies, etc every night rather than take them home or as should have been done - give them to the homeless or something.
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Sat 16 Apr 2011, 16:40, closed)

A word of advice: a course of action is not "cuntish" just because you don't agree with it.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 16 Apr 2011, 18:17, closed)

So, you're bitching and whining about being told off for going against company policy?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:33, closed)

Yeah man but he knew so much better than all the arselickers and brown-nosers who actually did their job without skiving off or stealing the stock.
That's why he became educated beyond all their wildest dreams and got a 2:1 in something or other so he can now spend 8 hours a day in a colourless London office with a phone clamped to his ear saying "hello, helpdesk!"
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 2:10, closed)