How to get fit
Okay, I've been in gyms before; but frankly nothing interesting happens in gyms. Unless you're one of the roidhead weightlifters whoo goes to homoeroticise it up with your mates, there's little in the way of social interaction. So, I'm going to give you the dubious benefits of my wisdom on how to get fit without spending the equivalent of an XBox 360 every year on gym membership.

Shockingly, my advice is this: Run. Unless you live in a place where you can't actually step outside without fear of death, you should be able to find some decent running routes. Find a friend with which to do it, because there's always a little extra motivation when you're with someone. Go to a proper running shop and get your feet tested to see whether they pronate or not - this could save you from injuries in the long run. I've never understood why anybody bothers with a treadmill. First, think of you're running action: When you run on a road, you drive yourself forward with your stride. A treadmill, on the other hand, pulls your feet back: It's therefore doing half the work for you. Second, treadmills are boring. Get out there and see the world! And if you wind up getting chased by chavs or dodging bullets in Croxteth, that's just a little extra motivation.

If you're a fatty and can't run for any length of time, start off by walking, for about an hour at a time. Then mix short sections of run into your walks; set yourself targets (i.e. I'm going to jog from this lamp post to that bus shelter 500m away) and then make damn sure you meet them. I'll say that again: NEVER fail to achieve your own targets or you may as well just slink off the MacDonalds with the rest of the tubbies. As a complete beginner, your goal should be to run for about 40 minutes non-stop. If you can do this three times a week, you should really start to lose the pounds.

Once you're more established, consider your times. For under-30's, I would say that if you can run 2.5km (that's just over 1.5 miles) in under ten minutes; and you can run 10km in under forty minutes, you may ordain yourself "not crap" at running. You're not Paula Radcliffe yet, but you're probably swifter than most of the people in your age group.

Some final thoughts:

- www.mapmyrun.com is a great resource for measuring out routes and finding out just how far you've run.

- Aches and pains are par for the course, especially when you're just starting out. But if anything is really agonising or persistent, rest it and see a doctor or a physio. This especially applies if the pain is in your knee: Once fucked up, your knees are terribly hard to unfuck.

- You may need to stop and take a breather every now and then. So long as you don't take the piss, that's fine. But never stop halfway up a hill: Always make it to the top of ahill, and then even if you're blowing out of your arse, you'll get a psychological edge.

- Lots of people like cycling, as it's easier on the knees.

- Take up a team sport. It's fun, it gives you something to train for; and even if you play like a spastic, your running fitness should enable you to impress teammates with your hustle.

So hit the road, foo'.
(Bernard Bernoulli, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 18:59, 10 replies)

Injured?
For unfucking knees may I recommend Bowen therapy. Normal physio didn't help me when I caused myself an ongoing knee injury from running, but after being used as a guinea pig/case study when my dad was training for Bowen I was absolutely fine within a couple of weeks after several years of injury.

And if you are considering Bowen, may I recommend my dad at- wait, where's that addre-
( Doctor Fruitbat wishes fruitbats could really be doctors, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 19:55, closed)

1.5 miles in 10 minutes
Is better than the army fitness test - that's 1.5 miles in 10 minutes 30 for men, and 1.5 miles in 12 minutes for women
( bloobloo, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 20:28, closed)

I know...
But it's worth bearing in mind that these are the MINIMUM standards. 1.5 miles in 10.5 minutes is a 7 minute mile. Paula Radcliffe ran her best marathon averaging 5.2 minutes per mile. Obviously it's unfair comparing the man on the street to her, but I think it shows that the army standard is actually fairly basic.
(Bernard Bernoulli, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 20:54, closed)

A 40 minute 10km is a lot harder to hit than a 10 minute 1.5 miler
I do a fair bit of running, and go to the gym 4 times a week to boot. I managed for the first time in january to run a sub 39 min 10km and then ran the FLM in April. Which takes a fair bit of training.

I'd be surprised if a casual runner could do a sub 40 minute 10km without a bit of training.

Join a proper running club with proper coaches, that's the best advice I can give, it encourages you to go, and the sessions should be structured to get the best out of you.
( Moonraker isn't the droid you were looking for, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 22:08, closed)

This is true
It's occurred to me that I've asked everyone to run their 1.5 mile pace, but for four times as far. I think it would be more appropriate to revise the 10k time down to 45 minutes or thereabouts and leave the 1.5 mile time as it is: It's a time that should be pretty attainable to most people with some effort and training.

I definitely agree with what you say about joining a running club. I ran track and x-country when I was in my teens and the fitness stayed with me through several years of university on the beer-and-kebabs diet.
(Bernard Bernoulli, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 23:54, closed)

Army
When I joined up I did the BFT in 10.17 the last CFT (compulsory fitness test) I was running it in 8.09 not a bad improvement I thought. Then I broke my foot in 16 places (yes, 16!) So I'd be lucky to walk it these days.
(Kip, Sat 11 Jul 2009, 10:41, closed)

BB...
...nice post.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 21:54, closed)

really, really injured.
Two broken legs, no left ACL, tib pos tendon repair on right foot AND ankle chop and reposition.

How I fucking hate the word "run". The words "take 50 mg Provigil and do marathon cycle ride with a audiobook": now you're talking!
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 22:32, closed)

Jesus
You really fucked your legs. Can I ask what happened?
(berk, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 23:57, closed)

If you want to get fit, running like a mad thing is not the anwser.
If you live in a first world country you are going to spend the majority of your life as an older person, with all sorts of age related infirmities. Vigorous exercise is fine and fun when your younger, but it's the gentle exercise habits that are going to stay with you for your whole life.

You don't have to run like a wild thing to stay healthy, just get into the habit of doing some moderate exercise every day. Walk up stairs, do some gardening, go for a walk, even housework can give you a great work out.

Add to that a really good diet with plenty of fruit and veg, and limited sugar and fat. And you'll be fit for life.
(rattus, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 10:50, closed)