Sub-aqua flasher
My local municipal swimming pool is a fair sized affair and as such is usually cordoned off into three zones, one for the speedier types, one for the plodders and one for the practically clinically dead/morbidly obese.

That’s the theory anyway, the reality is that it’s packed with blokes aged between thirteen and twenty three all thinking “best get in the fast lane, ‘cos I’m really quick innit”, and thrashing around wildly for a solitary, breathless length holding everyone else up before they realise the futility of their efforts and retire to the end of the pool preening and checking out the laydees, causing utter mayhem for anyone who wants to get past them.

After umpteen rage-filled Tuesday and Thursday nights trying to fight my way around these idiots, I opted to sneak in one lunchtime in the hope of actually getting a decent workout for a change. Not only did I have the fast lane to myself, but the pool was dead quiet. Perfect. I got my head down and swam, my goggles permanently kept just below the water's surface.

Twenty lengths in I looked up to see a couple of young women slowly lower themselves into the fast lane. They weren’t serious swimmers, given that one of them was wearing an impractically pale, pleated two-piece costume which was hardly the sort of thing a regular swimmer-type lass might wear. Sure enough once in the water they adopted a genteel, breast stroke as they plodded along. I didn’t give it a second thought; there was enough room to go around them so I carried on as normal. Two lengths later I’d caught up.

“Holy fuck!”

As I prepared to overtake, I was a tad shocked to be faced with an impromptu full-frontal breakfast view each time the unwitting lass kicked her legs, for her flimsy bikini bottoms flopped to one side and she rhythmically reverse-winked at me.

I quickly decided that I’d wait until such point as the unfortunate girl stopped for a rest before doing the gentlemanly thing and discreetly pointing out her wardrobe malfunction. Yes, upon reflection that would be absolutely the best thing to do…. But then I figured that she’d be mortified. So mortified in fact that she’d probably think I was some sort of pervert, would it not be better to leave her to it and not say anything at all?

I swam and pontificated for a brief moment, before there she was again, flashing plage-pudenda as she gracefully kicked her way along the lane. For twenty minutes I grappled with my conscience, failing whatsoever to find any sort of appropriate moral compromise that might salvage some dignity for either of us. In twenty minutes I passed her some ten times, such was the differential in speed, each occasion being treated to the type of view normally reserved for the most dwarven of gynaecologists.

I did the right thing and carried on regardless. I figured that both of us would be terminally embarrassed if I brought the submersed mimsy to anyone’s attention. Yep, the poor lass would definitely never recover from the shame, not so much from the knowledge that she was unintentionally flashing, but that she might be irreversibly shamed having been publically seen in possession of a lady-garden so unkempt it could stunt-double for the top of Leo Sayer’s head.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 13 Jul 2009, 15:40, 11 replies)

Ha!
This is bloody great! click!
( SpankyHanky, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 15:50, closed)

Full of WIN
"...a lady-garden so unkempt it could stunt-double for the top of Leo Sayer’s head"

I come here for the knob gags, but I stay for the metaphors.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:05, closed)

Oh christ
^THIS *clicks hard*
( chart cat has an itch, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 6:31, closed)

plage-pudenda did it for me

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:32, closed)

It was the rhythmic reverse winking that earned my click.

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 16:40, closed)

Thank god
I swim in my industrial strength Endurance, racer back, cast-iron knickers, triple stitched gusset Speedo black costume.

No chance of a wardrobe malfunction, but it's a bugger to get out of.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 22:57, closed)

Ooh-now there's a thought
Chickenlady and her triple stitched gusset :-)
(Snabblim Dropfritt, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 7:33, closed)

Hee hee
You said Gusset

:getmecoat:
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:16, closed)

As a frequent swimmer
I have seen this sort of thing happen too. More often than you might think, actually.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 13:19, closed)

Been there.....
Except I spoke out - to the young attractive girl - while I was in a Lingerie department - buying something for the missus.

Never. Ever. Again.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 14:17, closed)

This...
...needs explaining further.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Jul 2009, 9:33, closed)