Anal with Frank
Before middle age set in I used to play rugby and was pretty fit. But I stopped going to the gym after a bloody awful incident that I’ll probably be talking about in therapy for years. I’d just done a weight session, had a quick shower, and was laying face down on a gurney stark bollock naked with a towel covering my modesty, waiting to have a warm down massage (just the normal routine, and it was a proper massage place, not one of those dodgy backstreet places where you get a blowjob from a fifteen year old Lithuanian). The man who did the massaging was Frank. He oiled me up and started on my shoulders, smoothing out the tension, making me feel relaxed.

Frank moved onto my lower back, my body made a series of lovely clunking noises. Then Frank started on the back of my thighs. As this whole experience was more than slightly homoerotic I made a point of talking about manly stuff, like cars and football, and shagging women.

Then, as Frank was busy kneading the top of my thighs, his hands all oily and slippery, I sneezed really violently, my arse shot backwards, and Frank’s thumb lodged firmly up my brown bullet wound like a cork going back into a bottle. I let out a scream, so did Frank. Frank attempted to remove his thumb from my arsehole but because I was suddenly (and not very fucking suprisingly) tense, I sort of clamped tight round his probing digit. Frank’s thumb was stuck! I howled in agony. Eventually Frank came free and, panting, I rolled onto my front, the towel now tossed aside. And I realised Frank was gazing in fear at my willy. I looked down. I was harder than set concrete. And pre cum was gurgling out of me like someone had turned on a tap. Frank must’ve tickled or applied pressure to my prostate. And all he said was: “You’ll be wanting some tissues for that.”

And I’ve never been to a gym since.
(Big Grant, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 10:08, 20 replies)

What a lovely thought
for a Tuesday morning. *click*
(syz, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 10:24, closed)

thats fuckin funny
thanks for that and click
(monkeyboy1, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 10:26, closed)

this had me crying in pain and laughter
good work and sorry for the trauma - hope your arse is feeling better now!
(Fred1969, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 10:30, closed)

If this doesn't make your therapist laugh
he's either very good at his job, or he isn't listening. Hilarious story, tragic event.
(thecurriedavenger, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 10:39, closed)

I've kinda been there,
but from the other end of the thumb as it were.

Believe me, Frank probably has issues now as well.

My sympathies, however, are most forthcoming (or should that be pre-cumming?)
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 10:42, closed)

so prostate milking actually works?
wow

*click*
(Alphabet Soap boshboshboshbosh, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 10:59, closed)

Don't you need...
two fingers for that?
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 11:06, closed)

Even if it's not true
it's still funny.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 11:54, closed)

Bravo
Nobody believes I was digitally penetrated by a male masseuse, so I'm pleased its happened to someone else.

I didn't get a boner though! Gaybo.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 12:22, closed)

“You’ll be wanting some tissues for that.”
Win. *clickity click*
( mrlogic is copying your beard, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 12:54, closed)

YES! WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!
...and a click.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 13:10, closed)

This is incredibly funny!
Sorry Big Grant, but it is! WIN! WIN! WIN! Click!
(Hotty, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 13:35, closed)

Looks like everyone can go home
and wait for next weeks question. This is the win
(Is this a good idea? ... Yes this is definitely a good idea, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 15:30, closed)

Heart warming read!
And I really mean that! Right, I'm off to stick something up my bottom in the name of scientific discovery.

clicky!
(Pastabator earned his brown wings with your girlfriend on, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 15:49, closed)

Oof
I actually felt that.

*clickeroo*
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:43, closed)

i'm not too sure
about this prostate/erection thing.
I had a problem which 3 (yeah count 'em) 3 doctors decided they needed to touch mine. The last one found the issue, felt like somebody had mananged to thread a knitting needle all the way from my anus to the bellend. No erection.
(Discreditor wants the dream to come true, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 17:40, closed)

They're just not doing it right
But to be fair, they're not really aiming for that effect are they? Are you? Three doctors makes you a slut you know.
(Big Smurf Brush me daddy-O, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 19:23, closed)

Trying to eat here
But this story is marvellous.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 17:53, closed)

Sympathy!
What a great story to cheer me up on a Tuesday evening!

Hope your arse is better
(Touji Bugger me sideways!, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 23:33, closed)

Glad to hear
your cock 'does that pre-cum thing'

/off topic meme
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 13:13, closed)