It's not OCD it's Respect for Condiments
I have a long running dispute with the missus and her parents over condiments. As far as I am concerned, a knife goes in to a spreadable entity, transfers said entity on to a slice of breaded good and is then REMOVED FROM THE FIELD OF PLAY.

I feel violated when I open the honey only to find those awful swirls of butter/margarine eddying around in an ocean of bee spit. Oh yes! Look a little closer and you'll see an armada of breadcrumb galleons gently listing to and fro.

Bastards.

Our two children (8 and 6) are now locked in a titanic struggle between two opposing and irreconcilable forces. I feel I am slowly winning them over to the right side of things, but it is touch and go.

Contrary to what I am told, it's not OCD or even a bizarre habit. I just want to see strawberry jam in a jar of strawberry jam, not a snapshot of the contents of some other cunt's breakfast.

A couple of weeks ago we were over at the inlaws and the FIL opened a jar of ginger preserve only to find mould growing inside. As my eight year old son rushed over to have a look, it was announced that the jar was 'only a month old'. Sure enough on inspection in a non-moudly area on the surface of the preserve was a scum of bread, butter and other flotsam and jetsam.
(mersault, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 13:01, 17 replies)

Teaspoon on the table.....
...one for each jar of preserve/peanutbutter/marmite. Aliquot the required amount to bread/toast, use knife to spread.

I am a recent convert to this state of affairs (Image, a jar of jam could last more than a week?!? I had never encountered this phenomena when growing up)
(itsOnlyGoingToGetHairier, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 13:05, closed)

That
is actually a good idea. You only need one spoon per condiment and then the animals can please themselves with their 'own' knives. Hmm....
Nice use of the word 'aliquot' by the way...
(mersault, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 13:13, closed)

*Blushes*
Why thank you.
(itsOnlyGoingToGetHairier, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 14:46, closed)

^This^
The 1 teaspoon per condiment is the ONLY way. I keep threatening to go out and purchase actual honest-to-god Jam spoons! But I fear this will mean I am now middle class ;)
( The magic of chutney Shakes it like an Instagram filter!, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 13:23, closed)

Aliquot
I learned a new word, thanks!
Also learned that it's not a verb ;)

I like your technique.
(Cloudane, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 18:54, closed)

My wife does this...
with the fucking butter!!

She'll spread it on her toast, scrape off the excess and put a bread encrusted lump back in the clover.

Pisses me off no end. And she tries to blame me.
( Another_tragic_case wished he hadn't eaten all the cake, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 13:05, closed)

I fucking hate the crumb-encrusted smearings on the side of a butter container or dish
I've been on this earth and buttering toast for long enough to be able to gauge how much butter is required for a slice before I spread it!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 17:05, closed)

This is what a butter knife is for...
... you take a piece of butter and put it on your side plate, then return the butter knife to the butter-dish. Spread at will from your plate using your own knife. Honey dipper, jam spoon, marmite syringe etc likewise.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 14:14, closed)

That's
a lot of washing up mate...
(mersault, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 21:44, closed)

Dishwashers.
They are wonderful inventions. And anyhoo, it saves washing out jars of mouldy jam.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:11, closed)

I use a dishwasher
But I inevitably have a load of washing up at the end of the day that has to be done manually cos the dishwasher is full. Extra side plates bring me out in a sweat cos they are basically extra time to be spent at the sink.
(mersault, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:16, closed)

Servants
are also wonderful inventions
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:56, closed)

crumbs in the butter is wrong
butter in the jam/marmalade/marmite is just fucking dirty
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 15:52, closed)

I agree with you completely!
Aside from any aesthetic concerns it is also unhygenic to cross-contaminate foodstuffs.
Does anyone know where I can get a Marmite Syringe? That sounds great.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 18:07, closed)

I'm sorry ..
... I just made that up. But it sounds like it should exist.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:13, closed)

to me
It sounds more like a bizarre sexual practice.
But then so does "buttered crumpet".
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 15:57, closed)

I agree completely
Butter floating around in the jam / marmalade / whatever is just vile. Even with a knife shortage it only takes 2 seconds to clean it!

Also, picking up a teatowel only to find it's coated with goo because people use it as a cleaning cloth without bothering with water or washing up liquid.
(Cloudane, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 18:59, closed)