Seafood
is shit. No need for an explanation, it's just shit. it smells shit, looks shit and tastes shit, and that makes it shit.

Fresh tuna? bearable, but let's be honest, it's shit isn't it. like tender bacon rind with a fishy tang.
Canned tuna? Catfood. Shit.
Smoked Haddock? fucking stinks out the entire block of flats for days.. it's shit.
Squid? rubbery, tasteless leathery shit.
Ocean pie? hello diarrhoea... That's shit too.
Sushi? looks fantastic... but it tastes shit. And that makes it SHIT
Shellfish (mussels, oysters etc)? fuck off. Who's fucking stupid idea was it to eat those slimy salty smelly things? Cunts, whoever they are. Probably the French.
Shellfish (prawns etc)? Apparently these are best eaten alive. Alive! Bouncing around! Fuck that. Conclusion? also shit.
Caviare? So fucking shit, they had to launch the mother of all price hikes to make people thing it was so exclusive it must be good. Well, I've got news for you, you've been conned by Market Forces. Caviare is shit. it tastes fucking horrible, and no amount of "oh, this was £60 for 100g so it must be good" will convince me. Some people like to spend ludicrous amounts of money on shit things because it makes them feel exclusive. Doesn't stop those things being shit. Enter caviare.

I'll eat virtually anything else though. Some of you lot down there are right fussy bastards. For instance, mayonnaise. Mayonnaise is great. Not on it's own though. If it smells like rotten eggs - that's because it's gone off.
( .spanky is singing "PEANUTS!", Mon 12 Jul 2004, 15:20, Reply)