Once, there was a two-for-one deal
on Big Macs at Mickey D's.

Before I tell you the full story, let me preface by saying that I've eaten at this fine establishment possibly five times in my entire life, and that this was the first such joyful experience. It was the day of my very last exam at uni, and my friends decided that we should celebrate in style at the golden arches.

Well, I was quite hungry, so I ordered my two-for-one Macs and gobbled them both down. Strangely, I found them much less substantial than their appearance would leave one to believe at first glance, and the void was far from filled. So naturally I ordered another two of Ronald's finest, and worked myself around them in short order.

Thus began a two day journey of agonizingly stoppered digestion that left me practically bedridden, doubled over in pain and practicing almost constant deep-tissue massage on my belly to urge its rocklike contents along their way.

I have since learned that in this I am not alone, though few are foolish enough to consume the sheer volume of material that passed my lips on that unfortunate day.

Finally the blissful moment came when it was time to relieve myself of my ungrateful burden, and I arranged myself in the correct position. After immense strain, one single near-black pebble was expelled, and sank like a stone. Its splash rose and landed dead center on my tenderest spot, but my relief at ridding myself of even the smallest part of that horrid mass made it all worthwhile.

I bravely continued my struggle until, one by one, each little rock passed on in its journey towards the sewer. Every one of them required a great heave to send it on its way, and every one gave me a watery reward upon landing in the bowl.

Finally, I was at peace, and my digestive tract sighed in relief. Never again, I thought.

Yet every few years since, a nagging thought manages to creep into my brain: could it possibly have been as bad as I remember? Then I know that the needs of science require that I give it another test, and I try, with perhaps a touch more moderation, to determine whether my imagination has exaggerated the memory over time.

It hasn't.

.
(arvana, Wed 14 Jul 2004, 6:33, Reply)