Hell hath no fury...
My Mum was a most unusual parent. Evidence of this can be seen by all who have met me. She was liberal-minded to a fault, in fact so liberal the only option I had for teenage rebellion was organised religion. Weird how that one works out. But still, by and large she did alright in raising such a sensitive soul as myself. In short, she was an incredibly laid-back parent. But by fuck did she have a temper. Somewhat worse than a pissed-off female rancor when they've got the painters in. I've seen it a few times, and it's an awesome sight. Here's the story of one of those times.

It was the end of school day, and I would have been about 12 years old. And back then I was a bit wet behind the ears. In fact, that doesn't quite cover it. Try "so moist it's boggy". Which of course attracted the pirahna-like attentions of one of the more physically communicative young ne'er do-wells in my year. Although when I say physically communicative, he'd be as likely to nut you in the face as say "Hi".

So, I'm walking to the school gate, and I spot my Mum, ice-cream in hand, and she'd come to pick me up from school, meaning I didn't have to deal with the cerebrally-deficient plebs I was usually forced to spend my time with on my way home. Result. Of course, these things never quite work out like that. The antagonist of our story, unbeknownst to me, was running up behind me, and had leapt in the air, and was descending with fists drawn aiming at the back of my neck. In short, the bastard dropped me with a flying donkey punch. It's not surprising I fell to the ground like a freshly-shot antelope. Not the most pleasant of endings to a school day.

However, Mr Idiot hadn't counted on Mum seeing the whole thing. And she had. And saw red. And the temper manifested itself like the wrath of an angry God. Odin, Zeus and Amun-Ra would have been quaking in their boots. She had set off at a run across the school field, and caught up with Mr Donkey-Puncher, and had chased him round the field, swearing like a trooper, and had eventually picked him up by his jacket, and was shaking him. Quite roughly, in fact.

And then, she came to. And noticed herself surrounded by a bunch of grinning, slightly scared teenagers. And holding up a now very scared former bully. Who had developed a mysterious damp patch on his trousers.

Go Mum!
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 10 Sep 2009, 16:53, 20 replies)

Hell hath no...
That sounds like my mum. I forget the specifics, but the neighborhood bully was picking on my little brother. My Mom saw and chased the kid down. (Mind you he was on his bike, her running.) He didn't stand a chance. LOL Gotta love Mom's! She's still mean as hell when you piss her off.
(darling_nici, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 17:45, closed)

This is why bouncers should go
And mums replace them.

My mum is a 4ft 2inch glaswegian. There is NOTHING in this world that she wouldn't tackle and come out on top of. Especially when she's got her 'angry times' about her.
(Mensa Reject has gone out, I'll be back on, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 18:21, closed)

Angry Glaswegian
Her name isn't Stacy by any chance is it?!
( Fat Fred too weird to live, too rare to die, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 13:53, closed)

But what happened to the ice cream?
Jim, you need to concentrate on the important things...
( in vino veritas, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 20:17, closed)

i was thinking this too
i hope she didn't drop it
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 21:13, closed)

No idea... my head was hurting too much to notice.

( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 11 Sep 2009, 11:12, closed)

What car did she drive?

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Fri 11 Sep 2009, 0:02, closed)

clickin dis

( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 5:44, closed)

A Corsa, IIRC.

( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 11 Sep 2009, 11:11, closed)

a
HONDA ACCORD
(AndyC4m Eject Eject [><], Fri 11 Sep 2009, 14:56, closed)

Ha
Good on her.

But I'm pretty sure you don't mean donkey punch.
(SirJonDangerous and his pony-sized bumblebee, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 9:57, closed)

Well it was kind of like that
But minus the bumsex.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 11 Sep 2009, 11:11, closed)

Have a
click, for your mum is ace. Also, I read Amun-ra as Mumm-ra, so you can have a click for that as well.
(berk, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 11:47, closed)

its; hell hath no fury
like a woman scorned

just saying
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 23:19, closed)

Duly noted.
And edited.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 12 Sep 2009, 13:28, closed)

I thought it was
Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:51, closed)

HOLD THE RUNAWAY TRAIN OF BOLLOCKS FOR ONE MOMENT.
Your Mother was picking you up from school at the age of twelve?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:31, closed)

I LIKE THIS

( WHARRGARBL, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:35, closed)

My goth friend got picked up by her mum
up til the very end of secondary school, so she didn't get the cobwebs kicked out of her.

A flying donkey punch, though, that just seems fucking stupid.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 18:04, closed)