Not funny
My late father died of "A left occiputal astrocytoma" according to his death certificate.

It may be alleged that he actually died of a Diamorphine sulphate and Haloperidol overdose, administeredby person or persons unknown, at his written request.

The only people who, in the course of a hypothetical conversation, would (and have) condemned the aforementioned "person or persons unknown" for the alleged administering of said overdose have been Christians.


It would have been illegal to allow a dog to carry on in such unrelenting agony, yet it's right to allow it to happen to a human?

Whoever "person or persons unknown" are, they're going to Hell. I'd give them a pat on the back while shaking their hand.*







*If it wasn't anatomically impossible.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 18:46, 12 replies)

It is possible
you shake with the right and pat with the left while being careful to avoid any sort of crotch contact.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 18:55, closed)

I've just got it
What you need is some sort of false third arm, or a patting machine, or you could ask Pooflake to pat your back. I wouldn't get him to do the hand shaking, you never know if he's just pooed his pants and not washed his hands.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 19:04, closed)

Well
"If he's pooed his pants...".
That's not really an "if" is it? It's pretty much a stone-cold-cert!


NOW I realise why his fingers eat guitar strings!




*clanging sound of penny dropping from a great height*

*shudders*
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 19:16, closed)

All I can say is
you're a very strong person and worthy of admiration for being able to go through with that, and I will defend your action to the last.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 16 Dec 2008, 18:56, closed)

My mother may or may not have given strict instructions......
to persons I will not name, that should she be in a similar situation, that person has to whack her over the head with a blunt object.

A deadly *spang* if you will.


I don't think she was aiming for comedic value but just for lack of a suitable instrument that might be available.
( girlinthehole, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 19:20, closed)

Three things...

1. I have not pooed my pants...

2. Even If I had, I would have washed my hands.

3. Let's not let my poo-pant-ery get in the way of what is a brave and moving post by Captain Placid.

Sir, I will pat you on the back tomorrow.

(Whether point 1 & 2 still apply then I cannot guarantee however)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 16 Dec 2008, 19:20, closed)

I wasn't trying to take away
from the moving post. It just took me a while to realise what his last line meant.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 19:24, closed)

Well done
We really need to get this sort of thing legal- you just shouldn't have to exist in some of the states that we "maintain their life" in. Obviously, only with specific written consent. Otherwise you'd end up with "Sorry, aunt Gertie, you're 65 now and we want your inheritance. Here's a bottle of good whisky and a revolver."

My great grandfather would have wanted to go in a similar way to the way your father (alledgedly) went if he ever ended up in the condition that he's in, but unfortunately isn't sufficiently fit or cognizent to give permission any more. So a flight to Switzerland is unfortunately out of the question.

I've given instructions that if I ever reach such a state I'm to have something large and heavy dropped on me from a great height. Ideally something utterly incongruous or that could otherwise produce a series of bad puns / memorable headlines.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 20:24, closed)

I don't know who I'd instruct to do that for me.
I couldn't really ask one of my kids to spang me, and if I entered into such a pact with my friends, I'll probably outlive them and end up being the one who goes around in my wheelchair killing everyone else.

...actually, that kinda sounds like fun.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 16 Dec 2008, 21:12, closed)

I got confused there
with the * and thought it was anatomically impossible to die from a left occiputal astrocytoma, sorry :(

Hard lines but good on you sir
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 21:20, closed)

My dad had cancer.
Having been given carefully-measured doses of oramorph by two nurses - one to check it's the correct dose, one to check it's the correct patient - from a very securely-locked drug cabinet all the time he was in hospital, they slipped him a couple of 500ml bottles in his rucksack when they were sending him home.

Subsequently he was told by one of the nurses that visited him at home "Oh, that's nothing like enough, we'll sort you out with something" and given a 100ml syringe of diamorphine to keep in the fridge.

That's a lot of smack, there. A *lot*.

Amazing how horrified Christian friends of mine often are on hearing about this.

He didn't need it, incidentally. Well, he didn't have time to need it, really.
(gordonjcp, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 10:48, closed)

*Hairy hugs*
and respect x
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 20:16, closed)