Mario Balotelli
Stop me if this has bindun - surely it has? Mario Balotelli. I couldn't give a monkeys about football, but this man is a hero. Far too many footballers are young idiots with too much money, who take that money and use it to be anti-social twatrags. Balotelli is, indeed, young, rich, and barking mad, but he's barking mad in a way that does not inconvenience anyone. Indeed, in most cases, quite the opposite - he seems to have a knack for calculated, entertaining craziness, often with a side-order of heartwarming "I wish I could have done that".

Nor for him the standard footballer practices of fighting in nightclubs, gang-raping teenagers or knocking off his team-mates wives or aging prostitutes. Oh no. When this man wants to meet some ladies, he and his brother go to meet ladies... by breaking into a women's prison.

As a young black man with a Maserati, he's not surprisingly stopped by the police quite a bit, and when one of them asked him why he had seven grand in cash on his passenger seat, his response was just "'Cos I'm rich." Said Maserati has been impounded many times and he's had to pay a five figure sum out in parking fines. This is the limit of his anti-social tendencies, though, it seems. When he was stopped for an autograph after a training session by a kid, he asked the boy why he wasn't in school. When the kid told him he was scared to go to school because of a bully, Balotelli put the kid, and his mum, in his Maserati, drove them to the school, and confronted said bully. Classic.

But my favourite story, better than setting his own house on fire with fireworks, better than going to the casino, winning 25 grand and giving a thousand away to a homeless man on the way home, better than wandering round Manchester in a Santa outfit handing out cash at random, better than almost anything I've ever heard, was the tale of the young man with the new house who has asked his mother to help him settle in. She sends him on an errand, a mission, a shopping trip. She gives him a list. On the list is boring stuff like bleach, an ironing board, cleaning supplies and such like. Balotelli is gone for a couple of hours. He returns, followed by a large John Lewis van containing... cleaning supplies? No. A giant trampoline, two Vespa scooters and a Scalextric. Mario Balotelli - you da man. I only hope he can keep this performance up in 2012 and he doesn't do anything more like normal footballers.
(SonofRojBlake, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 16:45, 3 replies)

Yes, it's bindun.
Please stop.

That said, I'd not heard of him before I saw him mentioned on here, and he certainly sounds preferable to all the footballers I have heard of.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 16:55, closed)

You do know that most of what you listed isn't true?
(Roger McGough-Pipe, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 19:41, closed)

most...
..of that is bobbins
but seeing as he grew up as a black kid in Italy he probably had an appalling childhood and probably wants to 'give something back'
( bigmeuprudeboy is using powerpoint or paint...have MERCY, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:26, closed)