A 'jug of warm water'.....
Stay with me on this – it’ll be worth it…

My brother – Bless – he’ll be reading this – he’ll be expecting this…

I must have been about 18-19 and I shared a room… Brother was about 13-14 and I had been out on one of my all day sessions – I remember it being a pretty hot day, I arrived home around midnight – pinballing up the stairs and entered my room. I’d been doing this for years – and had mastered getting into bed in the dark – minimising any disruption to my brother (not out of respect – he’d have started moaning if I’d have woken him). I remember there was no duvet on the bed as it had been washed – just as well really, it was a warm night – and I was pissed so a duvet wasn’t required. I fell into bed and into a heavy slumber…

Those of you familiar with this type of scenario will know that usually about 2 hours later you start to need a piss – not an ordinary piss – but a beer piss – about 3 gallons of the stuff – but you will keep putting it off…and off….and keep putting it off…. And then… you mentally talk yourself through getting out of bed and just getting the task over with….

So I get out of bed – and head off to the bathroom..I can see the toilet in front of me, I look left and see myself in the mirror and then bow my head and take aim.

‘Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh………’ the relief – the sheer relief as I was emptying my bladder into the toilet…

Only I wasn’t

My slumber was awoken by the gargling groans of my brother. I look down and instead of seeing the toilet bowl I described – I saw my brothers face – looking slightly distorted as there was a small reservoir filling his eye sockets. Yes I was pissing all over my younger brothers face. This wasn’t a half hearted effort either – this was one of those ‘post night out’ beer pisses that last about 10 mins. I diverted from his face and onto his duvet and then onto the plasterboard walls where it made a hollow noise… It was at this point I properly woke up and realised what I had done.. I dashed into the bathroom to finish off my piss and then gingerly made my way back to my dry bed and went back to sleep. Leaving my brother in a situation he probably hadn’t experienced before – so he probably thought it was a dream and that is what helped me get away with it…

Upon waking the next morning – I was greeted by an angry mother. As soon as he woke – he felt compelled to grass me up/tell on me and I was read the riot act – which went along the lines of:

“So you think its funny to come in pissed and pour a jug of warm water on your brother eh? – you need to grow up – blah blah…” I wasn’t listening at this point. I had just woken up hungover to a raging parent and upon listening to her, I slowly started to recall what had happened all those hours ago – and as the shame hit me, I started to realise I had got away with it… as far as he and my mum were concerned, I hadn’t infact pissed all over him, but had awoken during the night, located a jug and filled it with water – not too cold to wake him but not too hot to scald him and emptied the lot on his face.

Obviously – this story was relayed in the pub over the next couple of days…It wasn’t until his 18th birthday at the local curry house that I told him... everyone on the table knew apart from him…. Happy Birthday!

The story doesn’t end there though – this wasn’t the last time ‘sleep pissed’

The same brother had completed his A level art course work, and had a rather large picture leaning against the chest of drawers which had taken him a long time to complete…. I came in one night and was violently woken (he’d become a light sleeper by now) to find myself turning his artwork into a water colour.

The next time was against the bedroom door and I was woken when my other brother came in and knocked me out of the way…

Bizarrely – all these events only ever took place on his side of the room – not mine

I haven’t sleep pissed for a many years now – but I have noticed a pattern that when these types of conversations take place – someone will sleep piss within a couple of days – like strange curse…
(Pat mustard, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 17:41, 1 reply)

I used to sleep-piss as a child.
I recall being woken by my mother just as I was pointing my tiny todger into the washing machine which, oddly, had the door open.
I was also woken, over a decade later, by a friend's housemate just as I was about to let loose on his bedroom floor -- I'm just glad he was a light sleeper.
Not done it since thoug, yet, but hotel bedrooms have almost caught me a few times.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 18:08, closed)