The phrase "I'm not being funny, but..."
Aaargh that does my fucking crust in.

It doesn't help that the upper echelons in the company I work for seem contractually obliged to say it every five minutes, compelling me to stove thier smug yuppie kites in with a chair.

Haven't yet though, so I'm writing this from my work desk instead of a prison library. And no, I'm not a hypocrite, just possessed of enough self-control not to commit murder, however satisfying the prospect may be.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 10:35, 11 replies)

Add to that
"I'm not a racist, but . . . " followed by a mind-bogglingly racist rant that would make a BNP recruiter shake his head in disgust.
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:20, closed)

similarly
no offence but....

my dislike of this almost got me in trouble once. Was at a party, very wasted and talking to near some lumbering neanderthal, one of the sorts of losers who left school a few years ago, still lives in the town they grew up in, still doing the same shit job they had when they left school, and still going to parties with the people at college.

Anyway, this moron said something to me "no offence mate, but "

I was drunk obviously, so followed this with "no offence, but I think you are a fucking wanker"

this did not go down well, and I narrowly avoided getting a pasting thanks, in the main, to my friend Caitlin.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:26, closed)

"I'm not being funny."
"No. No, you're not."
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:50, closed)

"With the greatest respect...
I have no respect for you at all."
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:53, closed)

Actually a superb one is
'with all due respect'

as in 'I am treating you with the contempt you so richly deserve, you fucking cretin'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 12:34, closed)

"With all due respect..."
"...which being honest, isn't very fucking much."

I'm still waiting for the day I can use that one without getting fired, pasted or both :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 16:58, closed)

^^
A cow-orker has a similar condition, starting every sentence on the phone with "in fairness, though" or "to be fair"...
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:55, closed)

Basically, at the end of the day, I'm not being funny, but, to be fair . . .

(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 12:26, closed)

in all fairness though . . .
what the fuck is a cow orker ? and why do cows need to be orked ? is it not enough that we steal their milk and eat their young without orking the poor beasts aswell ?


..
(The Cats Twat, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 18:03, closed)

Yeah, but at the end of the day...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=48HUdzoKiPA
(Spaff_Quaffer Wise fwom your gwave., Wed 25 Feb 2009, 12:27, closed)

*head implodes*
I fucking HATE the way people pepper their speech with these meaningless phrases.

These are the same people who will say 'I was literally...' when they mean the polar opposite.

Although, to be fair, at the end of the day, like, I do literally do it myself ALL THE, LIKE, TIME....

EDIT: said with Autralian Quizzical Intonation, which is literally the most annoying thing in the world, and I really do mean literally.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 12:28, closed)