No pain involved...
But it is about my gonads.

So, aged sixteen, my dad was going on and on to me about whether I could pull my foreskin back. One of his ancestors had died of knob rot because he was too embarrassed to tell anyone, and my dad also had loads of problems with his cock, so I suppose it was on his mind. (You've heard of athlete's foot - well, for years my dad had athlete's cock. I think he had toadstools growing out of the end of it.)

Anyway.

So one day I tried to pull said foreskin back. It was really tight, but I managed it. By this time, the end of my cock was the size of a golf ball, the rest had the diameter of a frankfurter and the end was getting purple. Try as I might, I couldn't get it back.

The following day, I went to the doctor. He tugged at my cock for ages, and gave up. He phoned the hospital, and if I remember correctly, got me in the following day. (This obviously wasn't the UK, otherwise I'd still be on an NHS waiting list to get onto the waiting list.)

So I went to the hospital. The specialist was an old bloke. He asked me to drop my trousers and pants. After taking one look, he invited me across the corridor to another room. Here I had to lie on a table thing. This is where it gets surreal. There were two (female) nurses present. I swear one was chewing gum, the other was sucking on a lollipop. The old doc tugged like mad at my teenage love truncheon. One nurse removed the lolly from her mouth, and said "Do you want any lubricant?" "Nah" said the doc, still yanking on my pork sword. Honestly, it was like a Channel 4 sitcom. In the end he succeeded - I can't remember whether there was a comedy "plop" noise or not.

He looked down and said "Hmm... that'll have to come off." For a split second, I thought he meant to amputate my willy.
That proved not to be the case, and the rest of the story is pretty boring.
(Bob the Builder killed Captain Alex, Tue 12 Mar 2013, 19:49, 6 replies)

Stop starting your sentences with 'so'.
Thank you.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 12 Mar 2013, 20:04, closed)

So, why do you do it like six times in the first story of yours I looked at? b3ta.com/questions/pythonshame/post389790

That is one of my favorite qotw stories, by the way.
( the prick of misery pierced my foot on a spiiiike on, Tue 12 Mar 2013, 21:25, closed)

Do as I say, not as I do.
And thanks.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 10:56, closed)

Yeah, and our death panels would have seen Stephen Hawking left on a mountainside, too.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 12 Mar 2013, 20:06, closed)

Did he leave the willy and amputate the rest of you?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 12 Mar 2013, 21:10, closed)

I like this

( Major Turd for tonight only, Tue 12 Mar 2013, 22:22, closed)

This story is not about your gonads, it is about your todger you foolish boy.
( Vambo, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 9:56, closed)

Good point.
(Bob the Builder killed Captain Alex, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 22:36, closed)