Dirty dirty...
Back at some point in 2006, I visited a gay club. I'm not gay - but my friend of many, many years had recently come out and was constantly demanding my presence on a 'boys' night out.

He insisted and insisted that I joined him, citing as precedent the countless times he'd been 'bored to death' in straight clubs watching my futile attempts to pull.

He kind of had a point. Even after he came out, my mate still accompanied me to bars / clubs etc and acted as a great wing man. So I figured I owed him and agreed.

So on Saturday night we arrived at the appropriately named 'Hoist' located somewhere in deepest Vauxhall. This wasn't some fluffy camp Kylie love-in - more a dark and festishy affair under a railway arch, set to relentless nosebleed techno.

I didn't like it.

But I drank on through and soon I was shirtless and throwing my arms into the air, eliciting grins from leather clad, hairy-biker types and overly pumped body builders.

Soon I need a wazz. My mate kindly agreed to escort me and we fought our way to the bog. The toilets were your standard layout of 4-5 cubicles and a massive 15ft long, old-skool iron urinal. But this pissoir had an added feature that I'd never seen before in London's clubland.

When I say this urinal was long, it was deep too and came out about 3ft from the wall. I squeezed my way to a spot near the middle and was just about to unzip when I noticed the 'added feature'.

There was someone lying IN the fucking urinal.

In it.

Lying splayed out, wearing nothing but some sort of lycra bodysuit, covered in piss, fag butts and god-knows what else, was a human being, a person, a real live man. And he was lying in the piss in the fucking urinal.

In it.

'Oh how funny' said my mate, 'there's a Piss Boy here tonight, this you've gotta see...'

I stood down from my pissing position and looked on aghast as my mate and everyone else in the line peed freely over the bloke squirming in front of them. The regulars seemed non-plussed but I fought my way out of there.

My friend followed and tried to explain away what I'd just witnessed. 'It's a fetish,' he said, 'quite a common one too and this IS a fetish club.'

This was too much. So I adopted my earlier defence mechanism and tried to drink through it. I had three pints of strong lager in quick succession. I danced a bit. I smoked a lot. And then the inevitable happened. I needed to go. I really needed to go.

So back to toilets I stumbled, desperately trying each of the cubicles before I had to face that urinal. They were all full of ketamine snorting, fisting oddballs. So I turned regretfully to the pisser. It was quieter now and there was only the one bloke - who'd already started to pack his meat away and leave.

So I took my chance. I walked over. I looked down. I looked down into the eyes of the piss-drenched maniac and I started to pee.

I pissed in his mouth. I pissed on his hair. I looked him straight in the eyes and then I pissed directly at them. I pissed in his ears. And I pissed up his nose.

He blubbered and gurgled appreciatively, his eyes never leaving mine as I continued, for what seemed like hours, to empty my full, foul-smelling bladder all over the freak.

And that, is the the most ashamed I've ever been (penis involved or not).

C'est tout.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 16:07, 21 replies)

nice
..although, you really did not need to piss in his mouth though, did you?

You could have taken up position down at his piss stained feet...


Still, you get a click for 'Piss Boy'
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 16:16, closed)

Holy shit on toast.
You win mate, you win.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 18 Mar 2009, 16:19, closed)

The trouble is...
...even though he clearly wins, he also loses...in...every...way...imaginable
(Super Oaf Petit filous?, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 18:48, closed)

Think I know the club you mean
and there's a fucking excellent fetish gear shop under the railway arches under Vauxhall tube station.

I just hope there wern't poo boys swimming round in the shitters, that would've been too fucking much....
( SpankyHanky, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 16:28, closed)

I can understand
the desire for a bit of piss fun now and again, i mean, it is sterile and all that. *cough*

but i have never seen the attraction of 'teh scat'.

I mean, nomming on a portion of nightsoil, or receiving a caviar massage does not rate highly for me at all.

i suppose it's all about power and control.....bloody deviants.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 16:38, closed)

I've done a bit of piss work in my time
which was jolly good fun.

But shit - hmmmm, no. Just sounds wrong. I mean, I've been inadvertantly covered in shit whilst fucking and that was pretty, err, shitty. But I wouldn't exactly call it a Kodak moment.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 16:44, closed)

*boke*
That was truly disturbing. Pass the mind bleach!
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 16:35, closed)

Hahaha fuck
thats horrible!
( epiphany coming live from sweden, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 16:47, closed)

Jesus
There are some strange people out there huh.

*clicks* for making me gag.
(Spangulum nailing your mother since 1824, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 16:52, closed)

we have a winner!
fucking hilarious!
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 17:00, closed)

pissing all over the world
Wasn't there a similar tale about some aussie bloke from qotw a few weeks ago?
(bluehamster, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 17:02, closed)

You get a click
Now, where's the mindbleach?
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 17:28, closed)

Clicked for sheer awfulness
However, for some reason I didn't bat an eyelid. I must be warped or something.

*Shrugs*
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 18 Mar 2009, 18:00, closed)

win
is all.
( rofl harris, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 18:25, closed)

I bet he doesn't get a cab home after a night out.
Your tale is a funny as it is piss sodden .... Have a click.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 19:30, closed)

I'm one of those people
who finds it really difficult to piss standing next to other pissers, whatever you call us.

Next time I'm trying desperately to get it to come out, I shall reflect on the fact that at least there isn't someone in the urinal looking up at me.

*click*
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 20:20, closed)

I'm with you there
not sure there is a term for it, but there should be
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 11:55, closed)

Jesus cocking christ
Is it a WIN? Is it a FAIL? Have a click anyway.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 20:51, closed)

But
who pays for the dry cleaning? Or more importantly, what about the poor fucker who had to clean the toilets.
( monkeybananaraffle, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 23:28, closed)

Absolutely full of
pissWIN
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 2:54, closed)