Acting on Impulse
Tenuous, as no money exchanged hands, but this definitely involves Impulse.

20+ years ago, during my nurse training I did a stint on the Emergency Admissions ward (watered down A&E). A highly embarassed young lass came in with a "delicate problem". Y'see, she'd been indulging in a drop of ladies' cocoa with a can of Impulse body spray. The lid had *come* adrift in her young, nubile clopper.

She was in floods of tears, her imagination running riot as to what hideously invasive procedure might be entailed.
How did we remove the lid? Common sense, which had the lassie squirming even more with humiliation. At the suggestion of the doctor on duty, I went upstairs to the regular wards to procure a can of Impulse from the deceased's belongings.

Then the doctor explained the "procedure" to this poor girl. He removed the lid from the "new" can, slathered it liberally with KY jelly before plunging it into her clunge and "docking" with the missing lid. You could say he'd found a purchase.

"Why didn't I think of that?" she wailed.

"Next time, leave the lid off and use it the other way round", I suggested helpfully as she scuttled out.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 26 May 2009, 15:28, 14 replies)

I dunno.
What's wrong with a bit of fruit? You can't go wrong with fruit. It's bio-degradable.
( girlinthehole, Tue 26 May 2009, 15:39, closed)

Can't do much with a strawberry and a few grapes though
a pineapple would be....interesting...painful, but interesting.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 26 May 2009, 16:41, closed)

With suitable control over the pelvic floor muscles
you could eject the grapes!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 26 May 2009, 17:22, closed)

fruit?
I've used chunky carrots in harder times. Not straight from the fridge though - best "served" at room temperature.
Pleasuring oneself with fruit will always remind me of Humpty and The Microwaved Melon ;o)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 26 May 2009, 18:50, closed)

lucky for her she only lost the lid up her jack and danny
and not her aerosol. sorry.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 26 May 2009, 15:44, closed)

Hahah
Click for 'Docking'. I have images of you making space ship noises and so on.

"Bzzzzt, docking with the main vessel in 5,4,3,2... 1. And done. Now, warp speed out of this dark, dark place."
(Guilt wants to get in your moist confines, Tue 26 May 2009, 15:46, closed)

clicks
just for *docking* ^as above^

Impulse spray was pretty vile, if memory serves.
( cackers, Tue 26 May 2009, 16:05, closed)

Clicks for every bit of post...

Bollix to how tenuous it is - because it's fantastic!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 26 May 2009, 16:25, closed)

Jesus!!!
Funny as fuck!!! Lovely job!!!
( SpankyHanky, Tue 26 May 2009, 16:27, closed)

*click*
I'm always a fan of the plunge/clunge rhyme.
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Tue 26 May 2009, 16:36, closed)

Impulse leaves me with some memories
of being choked by it in many a classroom. Rancid stuff!

If I were the doctor, I'd have been worried about 'activating' the can, leaving the poor girl with a lid still inside her, and a very fragrant but chilly vagoo!
( Rookie You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel, Tue 26 May 2009, 16:47, closed)

ha ha ha
I think this is my fave post :)
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Tue 26 May 2009, 21:03, closed)

Needs more underwear.
:)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 May 2009, 9:13, closed)

nubile clopper
i thought i had heard every possible name for the ladies front bottom

but i had not

spimfityclick!
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 27 May 2009, 19:02, closed)