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I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

Challenge: write a joke. As simple joke with a setup and a punchline.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT - IGNORING THIS COULD RESULT IN BAN

* Don't steal jokes - write them
* Don't flood post
* Just don't be a dick ok?

So join in and write a bad joke and apologise for it.

Read Latest | Highest Voted

(

rob, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 9:00)

Pages: Latest, 43, 42, 41, 40, 39, 38, ... 1

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Took a job in the local aluminum foundry, and on my first shift I let out a silent fart...
...it smelt.
(lladoog once licked never beaten, Wed 7 Jun 2023, 11:29, 4 replies, latest was 10 months ago)

I tried a cannabis/ towel blend…
…it left me high and dry.
(

atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Tue 6 Jun 2023, 20:59, Reply)

I can’t afford my girlfriend anymore…
She wants a golden shower and a pearl necklace!
(

atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Tue 6 Jun 2023, 12:30, 1 reply, 11 months ago)

What do you call a red deer stag with only one bollock?
The monorch of the glen.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Tue 6 Jun 2023, 8:29, Reply)

I think there’s something wrong with me…
Everything I eat turns to shit.
(

atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Mon 5 Jun 2023, 20:47, Reply)

Why did the chicken cross Rhodes?
To get to Side.
(Covid69 Boris variant., Sat 3 Jun 2023, 9:38, Reply)

Q. Why is American tea so awful?
A. *Breaking news* Ten killed in mall shooting including 3 children
(

gub~gub can't find the hummus, Fri 2 Jun 2023, 16:52, Reply)

I've got a business converting attics into sailing boats
sails are going through the roof
(sticklebricks it's you daddy!, Fri 2 Jun 2023, 14:00, 2 replies, latest was 11 months ago)

A mate started a musical instrument restoring business...
... first job someone gave him a rusty trombone .
(lladoog once licked never beaten, Fri 2 Jun 2023, 12:54, Reply)

I took up a mate's offer to shove cuddly toy bears up his backside for him
I was thrilled to finally get ass teddy job
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Thu 1 Jun 2023, 12:37, Reply)

I took up a mate's offer to help people with broken fingers get physical therapy
I was thrilled to finally get a hand job
(

gub~gub can't find the hummus, Tue 30 May 2023, 20:06, Reply)

I took up a mate's offer to sell hoover's for him
I was thrilled at first, but in the end the job sucked
(

gub~gub can't find the hummus, Tue 30 May 2023, 19:59, Reply)

What do you call an artificially intelligent poo?
ShatGPT
(

cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 30 May 2023, 10:30, 1 reply, 11 months ago)

I took up a mate's offer to sell evacuate his bowels for him
I was thrilled to finally get a jobby job
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Tue 30 May 2023, 8:35, Reply)

I took up a mate's offer to start plane engines manually by spinning the propeller for him
I was thrilled to finally get a propper job
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Tue 30 May 2023, 8:30, Reply)

I took up Rob's offer to write a joke for him
I was thrilled to finally get a manual job
(

gub~gub can't find the hummus, Mon 29 May 2023, 23:45, Reply)

Disgusting cornershop dude
The guy in the off licence got caught licking all the pick n mix. We called environmental health on him.-----He got away with it apparently he had a 'licker licence!'
(Dr Jake Von Boothstein, Sun 28 May 2023, 19:59, 2 replies, latest was 11 months ago)

One for the polylinguists
I was getting very tired out while my Dutch friend and I were building a replica longship - mostly because I was very hungry and had forgotten to bring the right tools... so I said:

"Hé maat, kun je ons wat boterhammen brengen, alsjebleift?
(

Invisible Wizard - 9th Level Pissant, Fri 26 May 2023, 12:33, Reply)

Which Hollywood actor donated most of his earnings to Big Pharma?
Apothecary Grant!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Thu 25 May 2023, 14:58, Reply)

I took up a mate's offer to sell cannabis resin for him
I made a hash of it
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Tue 23 May 2023, 8:12, 1 reply, 11 months ago)

I took up a mate's offer to sell cocaine for him
I was thrilled to finally get a blow job
(

gub~gub can't find the hummus, Mon 22 May 2023, 22:00, Reply)

Which popular reggae singer is a weapon-wielding weirdo from Qo'noS?

P'takh Bat'leth!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Tue 16 May 2023, 10:39, 2 replies, latest was 10 months ago)

I asked my proctologist for a second opinion, so he used two fingers.

(

LS18, Sun 7 May 2023, 4:24, 1 reply, 1 year ago)

What does Liz Truss call her new shop selling bespoke multipurpose cutlery?

Spork Markets!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Wed 3 May 2023, 12:11, 8 replies, latest was 1 year ago)

My dick is so big I've decided to enter it in the Eurovision Schlong Contest.
I just hope it's cheesey enough to win.
(Covid69 Boris variant., Sun 30 Apr 2023, 13:21, 1 reply, 1 year ago)

What do you call a chemical that only kills vintage VW cars
Herbiecide
(delurkrelurk, Fri 21 Apr 2023, 19:57, Reply)

Which Suffragette was famed for her love of practical jokes?
Emmeline Prankhurst!
(beepeedee Inner City Sumo, Tue 18 Apr 2023, 8:40, 1 reply, 1 year ago)

Which mexican drug lord had perfect lips?
El Chapo Stick
(

cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 17 Apr 2023, 22:36, Reply)

What sort of lizard should someone give to their best buddy?
A skink for a friend.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Writtern By the Winners, Thu 13 Apr 2023, 10:50, Reply)

I'm having trouble understanding Paul Chuckle's new solo project set in Athens.
It's all Greek to me.
(Covid69 Boris variant., Thu 13 Apr 2023, 9:31, 2 replies, latest was 1 year ago)

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