I'm married to Amorous Badger.
Take from that what you will.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sun 25 Nov 2012, 22:38, 92 replies)

I've heard that you're fat and he's skinny and that this is hi-larious.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 25 Nov 2012, 22:54, closed)

It's not trolling when it's having a go at MY wife.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 25 Nov 2012, 23:20, closed)

How about a threesome?

(Elephant Balderdash attempting to bottle the absurd, Sun 25 Nov 2012, 23:25, closed)

I was particularly appalled about the whole happy adult relationship and getting married in front of all your family and friends.
That was dreadful.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:20, closed)

She's just collateral

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:01, closed)

That doesn't make you sound like a psycho autist at all.
Well, no more than everything else you say.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 14:00, closed)

He's toadally trolled you right up. Sucka.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 14:17, closed)

It's just comedy
on a comedy website
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 14:34, closed)

Where?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 15:15, closed)

It's the rules, I'm afraid
After posting witless personal abuse, you then have to claim that it's just a joke and the other poster just doesn't get what b3ta is about.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 15:38, closed)

You are too stupid.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 16:02, closed)

NO U
LOL
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 16:06, closed)

stpid?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 16:13, closed)

You're one of those specials at school who hangs around with the cool kids and never quite grasps that he's the butt of the jokes.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 17:30, closed)

Cool kids? Here? lol

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 21:15, closed)

Dude. I've got OGs that are older than most of the regulars.
And I probably snogged the mum of the keyboardist in that new band you like.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 22:03, closed)

co-fat-eral
It's funny because fat joke. Ahahahahaha. Brilliant.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 14:17, closed)

'She' has a name, you misogynistic prick.
If you are going to throw unimaginative insults in my direction, do try to make them a bit more personal, there's a dear.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 17:48, closed)

Easy now.
He's not had much practice at talking to real women who aren't off their scraggy boxes on glue and aerosols.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 17:50, closed)

Hee hee hee, "misogynistic prick", that's more like it
Do you imagine it makes other people that angry when your husband taunts them incessantly about their private lives? Or is it just a joke on a comedy forum when he does it?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 19:17, closed)

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 19:42, closed)

\o/
Top White Knighting there
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 19:47, closed)

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 19:59, closed)

Why would I be upset that fatty took the bait?
If anything, it's given me a warm, glowy feeling inside
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 20:03, closed)

You're trolling yourself, you too-dumb prick.
You rolled up to whimper in her thread as predictably as you did in mine. Derp derpity.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 21:41, closed)

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 22:07, closed)

*sigh*
Calling me fat is the obvious insult. Except it's not, not really. Fat is just a descriptive word. It's not an insult. Quantifying it with something insulting, now THAT would require effort and a brain.

Fat is such a boring word. It lacks...poetry. You could have called me beefy, big, blimp, bovine, brawny, broad, bulging, bulky, bull, burly, butterball, chunky, corpulent, distended, dumpy, elephantine, fleshy, gargantuan, gross, heavy, heavyset, hefty, husky, inflated, jelly-belly, lard, large, meaty, obese, oversize, paunchy, plump, plumpish, ponderous, porcine, portly, potbellied, pudgy, roly-poly, rotund, solid, stout, swollen, thickset, weighty, whale-like...all of those words pretty much describe me to a tee.

You could have also picked up on my vanity, my tendency to meddle, the fact that I always have to be right, my arrogance, my selfishness, my stubbornness...but you didn't. You took the lazy option - and you thought that describing my body accurately would somehow upset me.

It didn't. I like pies and I enjoy my gin. No fucks are given. What did irritate was your inability to acknowledge me as a person in my own right and use my name. You reduced me to a gender in my own fucking thread. Its pretty plain that you have some issues when it comes to people who own a vagina, and that is why I maintain you are a misogynistic prick with mummy issues.

Or to put it another way....when you post in response to me (as you invariably will, you cannot cope with a woman having the last word), the rest of the internet sees this: -


( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 22:36, closed)

What sort of pies do you like with your gin?
( Tesco Quality 60.825659, -0.788337, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 22:53, closed)

Milk No Sugar's All Day Breakfast Pies.
Truly a work of genius.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 23:19, closed)

Oh.
I was more expecting thus.

Steak Pie ( )
Chicken & Vegetable Pie ( )
All of the Pies. (x)
( Tesco Quality 60.825659, -0.788337, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 11:52, closed)

Are you going to tell Mr Badger off just as roundly for referring to you - in a frankly horrifying display of androcentric, possessive patriarchy - only as "MY wife"? And if so, are tickets available?
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 23:03, closed)

Nope. Because I am his wife, and he is my husband (and I refer to him as such). If he ever called me 'The wife' in a dismissive tone
I would kick his arse form here to Norfolk.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 23:18, closed)

Spoilsport.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 23:27, closed)

Calm down, dear. It's only a comedy forum.

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:20, closed)

Is no one going to comment to the effect that
"we've all had a go at your wife"? For shame, /qotw, for shame.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:15, closed)

Goes without saying.
Gonz is still up there.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:25, closed)

HOW COULD YOU?

( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Sun 25 Nov 2012, 22:57, closed)

So your story is
that your married to AB?
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Sun 25 Nov 2012, 23:04, closed)

There is not enough left-mouse-buttons
for me to click "I like this!" with.
"you're" btw.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 25 Nov 2012, 23:25, closed)

I'm married to my wife.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 25 Nov 2012, 23:29, closed)

Whilst having an active OK Cupid account.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 6:56, closed)

Honeytrap=worked.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 7:15, closed)

Yep, this makes AB look like the silly one. Definitely.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 14:01, closed)

I think that reminding people that Grassy there is a fat old adulterer whilst I'm happily married, young and slim definitely puts me in the 'looking bad' category here.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 21:16, closed)

Pfft, young.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:40, closed)

This is possibly the worst cunning plan anyone on the internet has ever had.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 21:22, closed)

I dunno, takes a lot to beat Mr Hands.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 21:33, closed)

I take from that that he is a lucky bastard...
*panders*

Thatthatthatthatthatthat.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 0:55, closed)

He doesn't come across as crazy.
Is he crazy?
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:17, closed)

I took a shattering hangover from it.
I was very good fun.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 12:33, closed)

Wedding guest of the fucking year,

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 13:28, closed)

Damn straight
If you need any further entertainment at future social occasions that I'll no doubt bottle out of two days before, just throw me some peanuts.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 13:44, closed)

I take my hat off to you, I really do.
Your mere existence upsets the angry spastics on here to the point of trolling themselves. Good show.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 14:04, closed)

You shouldn't really wear a hat indoors. It's poor etiquette.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 21:50, closed)

This thread made so much more sense to me once I had logged out.
WW - You're a good looking gal (I've seen a couple of pics of you and AB in the b3tabashes flickr page).

Looking at your responses to emv about misogyny and the "collateral" I have to ask - how do you feel about your husband constantly hounding me because I'm supposedly a philanderer? (him and a few others put 2+2 together and got 5, trust me. My missus is well aware of all of my online activities - her laptop is about 1m. behind my left shoulder atm).
AB (and a few others) have latched onto nearly every post I make and quite frequently are as prejudiced in their comments about me as some have been towards you in this thread.

Just interested.

EDIT: It needs to be said that I've given as good as I've got from AB (regardless of his views about that) but I've certainly never chosen to harass him based on your body type in the same way that he has about how I am built.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:59, closed)

Gosh,
this is all very serious, isn't it? Couple this with WW's aforementioned rant about misogyny and pies, and the whole site will probably collapse under the weight of it all.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 10:56, closed)

The silence is deafening.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 27 Nov 2012, 11:08, closed)

This is the way the world ends...

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 11:23, closed)

Catch you on the flip-side.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 27 Nov 2012, 11:45, closed)

What a long, strange, trip
it's been.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 12:39, closed)

I am not Badger's mum, I am his wife.
It's not my job to tell him what to do or how to behave. If he started to insult (though fat really isn't an insult in my opinion) your wife's (or anyone else not directly involved) appearance in order to score points then I'd probably have a quiet word, but other than that he is a big boy who can make his own decisions.

Sorry for the late reply, I've been in band practice -we have a gig on Friday.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 28 Nov 2012, 0:22, closed)

I don't think we're going to agree and I don't want to argue.
I wanted to know how you felt about AB making the same types of comments about me (there's 1 just above here if you scroll up) that others have made about you in this thread. I wasn't asking you to to police or censor him & wouldn't expect that.
I don't think AB's ever even mentioned my missus (other than to wrongfully suggest that I have been unfaithful to her) but others certainly have passed comment on how they imagine she looks.
Anyhoo, thanks for the reply. Have a good jam on Fri.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 28 Nov 2012, 7:57, closed)

You're Still A Fag-Hag Though

Just saying....

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 13:38, closed)

I'd be careful if I were you
She goes proper menstrual if you insult her without a thesaurus to hand, apparently
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 17:07, closed)

I had no idea that personal pronouns carried quite so many unpleasant connotations. From now on, I shall only use full names - up to and including referring to myself Happy Phantom only in the third person.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 17:39, closed)

I, er, EMV also didn't realise that "she" was such a terrible insult
And EMV has an academic qualification in feminism :/
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 17:52, closed)

"academic qualification in feminism"
monster munch is wondering what EMV is on about.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 20:12, closed)

EMV has an honours degree in politics
One-quarter of which concerned gender politics and feminism.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 7:59, closed)

monster munch was hoping it was a euphemism for
gender reassignment surgery.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:24, closed)

Oh yeah.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:25, closed)

EMV does look good in a skirt, if that helps

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:48, closed)

Hmm.
monster munch has stunning calves, so he should totally get togethet with EMV to make a calendar, or something.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 19:39, closed)

Obviously you weren't brought up properly...
or you would know that 'she' is the cat's mother. If you are talking about someone, it is polite to use their name. Simple, basic manners.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 28 Nov 2012, 0:15, closed)

I'm always saying that the biggest problem with this place is the lack of simple, basic manners
especially when they are based on archaic, gender-specific nonsense that no-one's said since the 1950s.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:45, closed)

You mean expecting someone to refer to me by my name rather than my gender
is archaic?
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 28 Nov 2012, 17:48, closed)

Well, yes, it was generally considered polite to refer to a woman by name, rather than as "she", if said woman happened to be physically present. Perhaps it still is. Whether or not Wicca'd Witch (presumably a nom de plume, in any case) can be regarded as 'physically present' on a messageboard may be open to some debate.

Nevertheless, to extrapolate from the casual (and possibly mildly impolite) usage of "she" that a man is a "misogynistic prick with mummy issues" who has deliberately and maliciously "reduced [Wicca'd Witch] to a gender" is perhaps overstating the case a little bit. In fact, Happy Phantom would go so far as to assert that it's the kind of grandiose tubthumping uberfeminism that would have had Andrea Dworkin donning a false beard and a strap-on out of contact embarrassment.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 19:34, closed)

I tend to find that most men who feel the need to reduce a woman to an adjective and a gender tend to have some issues.
Maybe he isn't a misogynist. Maybe he doesn't have mummy issues...but he's definitely a prick.

(And no, Andrea Dworkin would probably have come down firmly on my side for that, I'm afraid - especially given EMV's previous comments. If you think otherwise, then you know very very little about Andrea Dworkin)
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Wed 28 Nov 2012, 22:30, closed)

Aw, don't spoil it by being reasonable
Having just spent three years working at an almost-entirely female-staffed medical charity, providing better maternity clinics in the developing world and campaigning against FGM, I was quite enjoying your homespun third-person pronoun feminist rant. By all means, call me a misogynist if it makes you feel better to imagine that I have "issues when it comes to people who own a vagina" based on my sentence construction.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 8:13, closed)