not me but my flatmate
however, i laughed at this story so i am stealing it.

my flatmate is infuriatingly hot. the kind of girl who wanders around moaning that her size DD boobs don't fit in her size 6 dress. she even managed to turn a gay client of mine. she's from new york, and back when she was still living there, she decided to try online dating. now you'd have thought that you would be thrilled if you were meeting someone from a dating website and they turned out to be fucking smoking hot. but apparently not...

so she exchanged a few emails with a guy, and eventually they met up for coffee.

him: well you don't look like your photos.

her: no?

him: no. not at all.

her: in what way?

him: you just don't look like your photos.

her: right. well. this is what i look like. you got a problem with that?

him: no.

[pause]

him: you just don't look like your photos.

[pause]

him: you weren't wearing that sweater in your photos.

[exit her]
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 13:31, 29 replies)

Turned your gay client straight?
Does she look like a man?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 13:33, closed)

surely that would have made him more gay?
this type of logic is beyond my feeble brain.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 13:40, closed)

Sort of my point.
You can't cure someone of being gay, no matter how "hot" you might be.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 13:46, closed)

well he was joking, of course
but he did keep saying: "you could turn me, you're bloody gorgeous"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 13:52, closed)

'My flatmate is infuriatingly hot. the kind of girl who wanders around moaning that her size DD boobs don't fit in her size 6 dress'


POIDH
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 13:36, closed)

she'd kill me
trust me. it's intensely annoying to live with. if she weren't so nice and such good fun, i'd evict her.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 13:37, closed)

Just PM them to me then RS I will look after them.
gaz

[email protected]
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 13:45, closed)

how odd
my computer seems to have blocked your email address
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 13:53, closed)

I'll come and unblock it for you darrrrrrlin.
*Leers suggestively*
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 15:04, closed)

In
the kingdom of the blind sweaty-handed, the one-eyed man Mock Turtle is king.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 13:39, closed)

Nothing wrong with rubbing the robin once in a while MM.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 13:43, closed)

Please, for the sake of all humanity
never use that phrase again.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 13:45, closed)

Grappling the Goat Ok with you Scarpe?

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 13:47, closed)

Somehow, yes it is.
I'm not sure what I found so skeevy about the first one, but it made me cringe.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 13:50, closed)

like the female equivalent
making kitty purr. that one always makes me bowk.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 13:53, closed)

*shudder*
I don't think I am going to visit this thread again, it's making me queasy.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 13:54, closed)

Pussy.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 15:04, closed)

Holy spunking cocks, Batman!
To the cave...
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 13:47, closed)

Well if you are going to send topless pictures, then at least have the decency to turn up topless. tch.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 13:37, closed)

That
is a chat-up line worthy of Father Dougal.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 14:14, closed)

Attention-seeking by proxy, online.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 14:22, closed)

hang on, aren't you that one who let his missus fuck sexface right under his nose
and then married her anyway?

you don't get to comment on anyone else's stupidity, really.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 14:40, closed)

I never mentioned stupidity, I said you were attention seeking.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 14:50, closed)

but i didn't say that you couldn't comment on attention-seeking
i said you couldn't comment on stupidity.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 14:56, closed)

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 14:57, closed)

~Flame on

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 15:05, closed)

[insert reaction here]
now you can just choose the one that you want, and reply to it. sorted.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 15:05, closed)

way to deliberately swerve the point, there.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 14:58, closed)

she fucked him in the philtrum?
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 16:49, closed)