Middle Lane Morons
People who blindly trundle along the middle lane of the motorway because they're too lazy (or dumb) to drive properly.

It causes veins to pop out on my forehead whenever I see one and I am tempted to ram the twats off the road.

My mate 'orbits' them by overtaking, moving to the inside lane and slowing down while they pass, then overtaking again. His personal best is 8 loops before the dozy cow took the hint.
(Bad Monkey hasn't had an abusive gaz since, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:51, 19 replies)

I frequently overtake then go into the slow lane
but I've not tried orbiting...yet.
( M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:54, closed)

A friend of mine refers to this as "hog-lapping" and claims his brother once tried it and lapped the offending car 17 times.
Another you could try is playing "you're not turning left" - sit to the left of the offender and match their speed.
(FirstBendBunching All four back please..., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:50, closed)

I hate this too and undertake them while looking at them and pulling a mong face.

( girlinthehole, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:55, closed)

OfficeLOLs
Now everyone is looking at me.
(Bad Monkey hasn't had an abusive gaz since, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:10, closed)

: P

( girlinthehole, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:17, closed)

22
Yes. 22 times I did this before the twunt realised and moved into the correct lane.
I particularly like moving into the left lane rapidly if I'm being 'undertaken' - this happens on the dual-carriageway on the way to work where you come off the stupidly designed roundabout that forces you into the outside lane then get some twat attempt to scoot around you the moment you hit the carriageway again without giving you a chance to move into the correct lane.
When this happens, I move into the lane and I 'obviously' can't see them in my 'blind spot'.
Of course, this is all their own fault for a) being impatient, and b) for overtaking on the inside - which is illegal for a bloody decent reason!
(dchurch bah, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:00, closed)

I only undertake if there are no other cars in the vicinity apart from the middle lane moron.
It's very satisfying though.
( girlinthehole, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:16, closed)

I'm with you
I'll gladly undertake someone who is leaving a space for me to undertake in, for no good reason. If I'm feeding into a new lane on the left, though, I'll wait my turn.
(sabre-tooth monkey, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:38, closed)

I regularly travel on the four-lane section of the M1 in Notts
The extra lane begins as a slip road but continues as Lane 1. The mimsers who've driven all the way from London in lane 2 consequently find themselves now obliviously toodling along in the third of four lanes at 60mph.

This means I can undertake them with a lane to spare.
(WillI'mNot logs in twice a year, every year, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:07, closed)

There does seem to be an increase in undertaking recently
BGBs is obvioulsy justified, but I've seen plenty of morons recently trying to jump clogged outside lanes by swinging in and shooting up the middle lane.
(Bad Monkey hasn't had an abusive gaz since, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:23, closed)

I like the orbiting idea
I shall try it.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:23, closed)

Passive-agressive Road Rage
I like it!
( RedHouse over yonder, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:36, closed)

Then again
I see fast drivers zigzag pointlessly down the motorway. And all because they obsessively want to return to the LH lane, even though in a very short while they'll pull out to the outside lane to overtake again. And ... repeat.

IMO, if you are not in anyone's way, it really doesn't matter much which lane you're in; although tending toward the LH lane does usually help in that respect.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 22:48, closed)

Then you are a fool.
"if you are not in anyone's way, it really doesn't matter much which lane you're in"

Yes it does because soon, through no fault of your own, you can be in someone's way.

Why don't you apply your logic to single lane roads? Just drive on the right hand side of the road constantly unless you find yourself aware that you're in someone else's way. You're argument is tantamount to if there's nobody on a roundabout, what's the harm in going the wrong way round it? Or, if there's no pedestrians on the pavement can't I just use that? Or, I've seen emergency vehicles using the hard shoulder, why can't I.

You should remain in the most left hand lane unless traffic or the road means that you have to change lanes. You of course should not tear up the arse of someone before wildly swinging out to an outer lane, but that goes for whatever speed you are travelling at. If you do need to overtake a slower moving vehicle and there is a vehicle travelling faster than you (note not the same speed or slower) in the right lane then if there is a lane to the right of him or her, they will have hopefully foreseen this or see you now indicating and moved over right themselves. You only end up in trouble if you have not anticipated the flow of traffic or people are driving inappropriately close or in the wrong lane.

Just because you are approaching a slip road, you do not have to and should not move over blindly. If there is traffic entering then, obviously move over safely.

The amount of people who do not move over to and cause pockets of traffic is staggering. It is dangerous and causes accidents.

If you believe that your actions on the road do not matter then you should simply not have a driving license.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 18:01, closed)

The number of people.
You can't have an amount of people unless you're using a blender. Perhaps that's the solution?
(sabre-tooth monkey, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 13:50, closed)

True, true... Although my grammatical error is unlikely to endanger people.
Usage note The traditional distinction between amount and number is that amount is used with mass or uncountable nouns (the amount of paperwork; the amount of energy) and number with countable nouns (a number of songs; a number of days). Although objected to, the use of amount instead of number with countable nouns occurs in both speech and writing, especially when the noun can be considered as a unit or group (the amount of people present; the amount of weapons) or when it refers to money (the amount of dollars paid; the amount of pennies in the till).
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 14:40, closed)

Crikey.
I stand by my original pedantry, though not with any keenness. I think Americans may use "an amount of dollars" - where did your usage note come from? As a Brit, I'd use "an amount of money" and treat pounds as discrete rather than continuous. I'd do the same for people, right through to quantities of the order of, say, the number of people in the world.

Another edit: I'm much more interested in this than which lane to drive in. I mostly stay left, unless I spot the BMW badge from a long way away. Then I try to pass someone in the left lane at precisely 0.1mph faster than they are going.
(sabre-tooth monkey, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 16:20, closed)

Fear not, you're right
As a Brit too, I just managed to find something a little bit more "colourful" in its answer.


_{If I were a Yank, shirley I'd expect them to move to the right/}
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 0:49, closed)

orbiting sounds like a good laugh, will try that one.
Normally I'll just sit behind them (at a safe distance of course) until they notice me and pull in. Unless I'm in a rush of course, then I just blast past them at exactly 70mph *cough
(Kip, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 9:16, closed)