Grey Squirrels
Just rats with bushy tails, quite what anyone sees in the ruddy things is beyond me
Waltzing into the garden, chasing off the small birds, pinching the food ide put out for them and then eating the freshly planted & sprouting bulbs

I see them in the garden, the door out is old and heavy with two locks, they know that it takes me far long to get out to make anything of chasing them away so they stare through the window, mocking my angry gesticulations.

Tho i did score a point against them recently, the bird feeder on the washing line that they raid now has two freely rotating 2 liter bottles on either end that they can't get round. All squirrelly attempts so far have lead to rodent re-inactions of the high rollers from Takeshi's castle, although i've never watched that hoping that the contestants fracture their skulls

Like most moans however, my biggest frustration is with the council, because i would quite happily catch and kill them if the legislation wasn't so idiotic.
The preferred humane way of dispatching them is to either pay for pest control, shoot them (ok if you have a gun) or put them in a bag and hit them on the head.

So, a squirrel running around in a sack with repeat attempts from me to clonk the bugger with the cricket bat... paints a very humane image for sure
bah
(MaxZero ZeroMax, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:45, 6 replies)

Just rats with bushy tails, quite what anyone sees in the ruddy things is beyond me.

Bushy tails. Exactly, that's it. Rats did it wrong. If rats had bushy tails, they'd be cute. And they'd be squirrels.
(Super Jet Shoes, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:48, closed)

I'm one of those "forrins".
Until I'd been to britain - I'd never seen one in my life. I LOVE them. They're cute. And quirky. And chirpy. And they just look so fabulously fun. One of my favourite memories is walking through the gardens of St Paul's Cathedral in London, to have one of the little guys run right up to me and sniff my feet before looking right up at me.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 4 Apr 2011, 12:17, closed)

Gas them with car exhaust...
... although this works better if you have an old car without a catastrophic converter, since it puts out more CO which doesn't trigger the "can't breathe" stress response that CO2 does. Rather quicker and cleaner than clonking them over the head.
(gordonjcp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 12:17, closed)

What legislation
stops you catching and killing Grey Squirrels? They are vermin, so long as you aren't waving a gun around in the High St, there's nothing stopping you catching as many as you want. In fact, you'd be breaking the law if you caught one and released it back into the wild.

You must despatch caught vermin in a humane manner, ie. twat it over the back of the head, but be careful - the Law says, and rightly so, you cannot "mutilate, kick, beat, nail, impale, stab, burn, stone, crush, drag, drown or asphyxiate any wild mammal with intent to inflict unnecessary suffering". Using nasty car exhaust fumes may well be deemed to be inflicting un-necessary suffering. If you are going to kill any animal, do it quickly, cleanly, without fuss. The preferred method is to shoot it.
(Rsoles, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 20:28, closed)

I have a gun!

Sadly i have no squirrels or rats for that matter

I do however have a very satisfied yet strangely covered in blood Jack Russel called Todd!
(spinks its only kinky the first time, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 21:59, closed)

SQUIRREL!
*points*
( The_Commander_of_Skips wears his sunglasses at night, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 10:16, closed)