Noodle bowls.
An old girl-friend was coming over for dinner. She was utterly crazy for noodle dishes. Soupy, fried, and any other way you could imagine. She just luuuurved noodles. She originally hailed from Beijing.

She arrived, and we talked and chatted and snogged as I cooked. Finally, the masterpiece of steamed and stir-fried noodly goodness was ready to serve.

I took two Japanese noodle bowls from my crockery cabinet and prepared to serve the meal.

A shriek? I'm not sure if there is a word that correctly describes the shrill utterance of pain that issued from her lips before she spoke.

"I'm CHINESE! How dare you serve to me in a Japanese bowl!"

The door is over there, luv. We'll call you.
(EffinNitWit asks his tobacco where his whisky is, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)

YM.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:46, Reply)

Hitler

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:34, 1 reply)

Godwin's Law

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:33, 1 reply)

I think it might be the thing I thought I wasn't in the midst of...
There was a time I had a feeling that there was a certain people that didn't know what the proper way to behave in a certain situation was when the thing that hapened surprised everybody that hadn't had a particular experience who lived amongst the folks who did an exquisite version of the interperative dance for those who behaved like... most of them.
(sloremonger, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 4:20, Reply)

There's religion and then there's the Wee Frees
The stories of wee free activity on the Outer Hebrides is legend.

One that sticks in my mind is the five year old child of a neighbour running from her house yelling at me and my uncle not to get into the boat on the shore "MUMMY SAID IF YOU GO FISHING GOD'S GOING TO KILL YOU!"

It was a Sunday.

We risked it, and he didn't.
(ringofyre, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 20:39, 9 replies)

people who blame the tories, or corporations, or the republicans or welfare cheates, or immigrants on why things are bad
This is missing the point. If the world is awful, violent, stupid and dysfunctional, it's because people in general are awful, violent, stupid. and dysfunctional. It's a reflection of our shortcomings. You, me, the lot of us. It won't change because we will go extinct long before humans evolve into something better equipped to deal with managing a planet. And even if they do, we'll all be long dead.
I recommend avoiding other people if at all possible. And carry a stick.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 17:32, 8 replies)

oh yes of course - religion! Definitely irrational... A rambling story of my descent into and eventual escape from religious fundamentalism
I used to be a full-on bible believing tongue talking evangelical. In fact, I joined b3ta whilst still (just about) part of it all and one or two of my previous qotw answers make me cringe immensely!

I was converted at the age of 17, having just about survived a thoroughly unpleasant childhood, the high point of which was finally escaping into care at the age of 14. Actually the children's home I went to was utterly amazing but I digress! Social Services don't get it all wrong believe me...

So anyway, probably because my nickname was Jesus (long hair, bare feet, hippy clothes and permanently stoned) the evangellyfish at my college latched onto me and concentrated their efforts at getting me to one of their church meetings. Once there, I had a very powerful religious experience (probably an ill-timed acid flashback to be honest) where I suddenly and intensely felt the presence of some beautiful and very other being. All my defences fell down and when the guy leading the meeting asked if I wanted him to pray with me, the word 'yes' came out almost involuntarily.
I was rapidly absorbed into church life and suddenly found myself among what seemed to be (and genuinelt was in some ways) a loving family group. I happily handed in my brain and heart at the door and believed the whole thing. hook, line and fucking sinker. I destroyed various things I owned that were considered by various people to be sacrilegious, such as my lovely collection of chinese idols, which I kind of understand, and also lots of music. Including for some reason, a Tracy Chapman CD. I mean what could be blasphemous about that? But anyway, I was baptised and 'filled with the spirit'. The first sign of weirdness was when I got it together with a single mum who was also a believer. I was very young - I was 19 and she was 21. But rather than just point out that maybe I was a little young for parenthood, the bloody Christians decided to brand her a hussy and a whore, distracting me from my holy calling of something or other.
We ended up leaving that church, but we were hooked by that point, so we just went to another one... We got married (in church) and I decided to bible college to learn to be an evangelist. Well, that was an eye opener. The idea of the people there being 'shepherds of God's flock' was quite frankly, terrifying. I was having serious doubts about the whole thing by then, but saw these as temptations sent my way by the devil (yes really) and did my best to ignore them.

In the end, it took several more clashes with scary power loving pastors and other utter dickheads before I came to the conclusion that it was all a big steaming pile of dogshit. Funnily enough I only managed to leave my religion though, once I actually found a church run by genuinely decent human beings. I guess I realised that if I still didn't believe it even then I'd better get the hell out. It still took me a while, though, and was a long drawn out process. I was a born again numbnuts for about 19 years all told...

Not long after I jacked it in I managed to convince my wife that it really wasn't all it was cracked up to be. She promptly realised that religion was the only thing keeping her married to me, so she buggered off with another bloke. Still worth it though! Actually not long after she'd gone I kind of realised the same thing, so everyone was better off. Especially the kids...

All the years of wonderful insightful Bible knowledge, church history and doctrinal understanding is a little wasted on me these days, but it has occasionally come in handy at pub quizzes or more occasionally when arguing with religious idiots... I can honestly say that losing my faith has been one of the best things to happen to me. I'm happier, more fulfilled, more secure and I enjoy life more. I'm even more thankful for what I have somehow. And I get to choose how I live my life rather than trying to shoehorn it into some semblance of bronze age thinking!

TDLR - I used to be an evangelical Christian, but I'm better now.
(teasus likes tea, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 14:28, 33 replies)

Stay about from my bins!
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2462840/Paul-Stone-tasered-Manchester-police-violent-rampage-bins-row-neighbours.html
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 14:27, 4 replies)

Steppaz

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 12:21, 8 replies)

HI, I'M TED NUGENT, I HAVE 9 CHILDREN FROM 7 DIFFERENT WOMEN I SHIT MY PANTS AND I'M RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 12:19, 1 reply)

All humans are irrational, that is why I am superior to you in every way.

(AWESOMEB0T meddling prick, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 11:52, 9 replies)

Out of all your Terran popular music bands
my two favourites are The Fall and U2.

I am told this is extremely irrational.

Can't see why myself, but thought I'd share.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:06, 25 replies)

I'm gonna type some words

( SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:03, 4 replies)

people who never bother to vote nor provide an adequate explanation for not voting who
then go on endlessly about the bloody government, bloody council, bloody school or anything else that they could have had a vote or registered an opinion or objection (bloody speed bumps) but never do.


EDIT - " I'm not gonna debate with you, Jerry! I'm not gonna debate!"
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 16:04, 25 replies)

One of the mods, apparently.
My entry about " caravanners " has been wiped. Was it more offensive than posts about religion? You'd think not. But clearly one of the mods is a caravan enthusiast and took it upon themselves to censor me.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 14:58, 15 replies)

Jehovah Witnesses
They call sometimes and ask about God, wooden canoes and will you marry this ethnic lady, etc. Usually the reply is no, I'm busy doing more important things - like sleeping, but once I let them in!
I had read a pamphlet of theirs and finally got annoyed about it so I sat 2 of them down in the front room and turned on the DVD player. The conversation went like this;
Me- "So one day we will enter heaven and be good mates with lions, tigers and bears right?"
J's- "That's right, this is Gods plan, all of his creatures will exist together in peace, you know, the lamb shall dwell with the Lion"
Me- "You don't think that those ideas might be responsible for seriously screwing some people up then?"
J's- "How can it? These are Gods commandments and he only wants our happiness"
Me- "Watch this then"
I played a film called "Grizzly Man" and selected some of the best bits. For those of you who aren't familiar this is about a Californian dropout who repeatedly journeyed to Alaska on his own and mingled with Grizzly Bears in their habitat. The footage involves some shit-inducing moments when he is charged by adult Grizzly's and can only scream at them to make them go away. It is then that you remind yourself he is alone with only a camcorder (and insane). Eventually he 'made the trip' with a girlfriend near winter and both were killed by a Grizzly attack.
"Well there you are - Gods great plan for us" I said, thinking I could always give them a kicking outside to make them feel better.
They were quiet for a bit then realised it was time to go
Difficult to figure if it was them or me who were irrational on that day.
(luckylife , 0 guests and 3 bots are online, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 14:57, 8 replies)

Ooh, just remembered another one!
I used to know someone who would swear blind, to the point of incandescent fury and storming off if he was doubted, that the tides were not in fact due to the gravitational pull of the moon or anything like that, but they were caused by the water in the sea slopping from side to side because the earth is spinning.
( skullfunkerry In case of implosion do not look into implosion, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 13:30, 2 replies)

wanky stepfather thinks all liquid contains water
I had a proper nasty stepfather. He liked to live the cliche to the full. He was very bitter because he had stupid parents and he was SO FUCKING INTELLIGENT because he had a 1st class honours degree in law. Amongst other things. Actually he was just bitter about everything come to think of it...

I remember at the age of about 10 coming across this belief of his that it's only possible for anything to be a liquid if it contains water. This included molten steel, oil, everything. And when it's steam or ice, water is still a liquid, just acting like a solid or gas. That's why you can still see steam.

Of course, me being only 10 and a little shit, my opinion wasn't worth tuppence ha'penny.

He had a few other rather interesting ideas about how the world works, but that was my favourite.
(teasus likes tea, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 13:28, 5 replies)