An Ode to my Greatest Fan.
There is a fellow
whom I've come across
He is not mellow
and his tales are gross.

He's taken to
copying my posts
they smell like poo
but about them, he boasts.

Whether hacking emails
Or taxiing damsels in distress
His list of fails
By others have become a digest.

He seems to like me
and that is cool
altho it's creepy
and he acts the fool

I salute you Alby Marshmallow
Beware your new friends
Despite your mind being fallow
I'm sure your property prices are on the mend!

EDIT:
Shit poem written whilst drinking beer
Makes this post seem very queer.
Altho it is crap
At least I didn't write it after taking a nap!
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:20, 30 replies)

Get a room.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:35, closed)

Or face my doom?

(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:36, closed)

*beatboxes*

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:06, closed)

Doesn't rhyme.
Doesn't scan. Has references to poo. We could have a new Laureate here!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:45, closed)

And now it's time to
drink some more beer.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:27, closed)

So, you are demonstrating how alcohol makes you irrational. As if there were need for such
a demonstration.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:02, closed)

Remonstration
In da station!
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:24, closed)

I feel sick.

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:11, closed)

Cause my rhymes
are so slick?
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 11:25, closed)

and out you whip
your greasy dick
( rofl harris, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 13:19, closed)

to beat it like
a shitty schtick
( rofl harris, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 13:51, closed)

when you've finished
give it a flick
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:32, closed)

Besides his peculiar fascination with you, I rather like Albert's posts. That said, I'd have gone for something more like this (with apologies to Simon and Garfunkel)


Liebert:
I am not a poor boy -
I'm surrounded by my gold
I'm an Internet King Midas -
Just another of my tales with dodgy premises.
All lies and jests
Not a single one you'll want to hear
But here's some of my best:

Everyone else:
MMMmmmmmmmm! (accompanied by extravagant "chinny reckon" gestures)

Liebert:
So I got responsibilities
At my new place of employ
For checking out the CVs
But I used them for my masturbation
Fantasies.
Oglin' hoes -
Seeking out the poorer passwords
On that Hotmail, you know.
Perving hard
So I can blow my load.

Everyone else:
LIE-MA-LIE
LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE
LIE-MA-LIE
LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LALALALALIEEEEEE!

Liebert:
My portfolio runs to pages
I don't need no stinkin' job
And I get my coffees
Delivered by DeLorean - you know it's true!
See that blonde there?
Well, I had her on my moped, son -
It's how I make my fare.

Everyone else:
LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE!

(instrumental break)

LIE-MA-LIE
LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE
LIE-MA-LIE
LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LALALALALIEEEEEE!

Liebert:
Every word is true you know
Each tale told with aplomb
As I've shown.
Well, perhaps there's just a hint of
Utter fantasy -
Possibly -
Bits may be wrong.


So here I stand, a pedlar
of unlikely escapades -
'til the /talk folk slipped their minders
now them cunts just put me down.
They trolled me 'til I cried out
In anger and in shame
"I am leaving! I am leaving!"
- and yet here I still remain.

Everyone else:
MMMMMMmmmmmm!

LIE-MA-LIE
LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE
LIE-MA-LIE
LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LALALALALIEEEEEE!

(repeat, fade to black)
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:37, closed)

I'm pretty sure I've never complemented your work
in the past but this gets a click. Well done
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:38, closed)

I am suitably touched.

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 22:52, closed)

strum strummy strum
strum strummy strum strum strummy strum strum strummy strum click!
( kombu dashi, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 23:28, closed)

A cut above most of the drivel on here.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 8:30, closed)

*approves*

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 11:39, closed)

Front page this now.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 13:55, closed)

Thanks, all!


And sorry, Albert.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 22:20, closed)

I really like it.
Just slightly miffed at being pipped at the post as it were by Simon and Garfunkel!
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 22:54, closed)

Well this is pathetic.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:34, closed)

It's that breakdown time of the month again.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 12:36, closed)

Yeah - "Day time"

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 13:11, closed)

FUCKING PATHETIC
THIS is how it's done:

Failure

The man wakes, and for a moment there
Is a blissful moment without pain or care,
When he thinks he’s still a little boy,
Full of life and hope and love and joy.

Then with a crash, he recalls he’s a man
In his fifth decade with no partner or plan,
And debts and disease and a rented bed -
And he breaks, and he sobs, and he wishes himself dead.

So he rises at noon and has a big shit.
There’s a whole day ahead – what to do with it?
He curses the very day he was born -
And has a big wank to internet porn.

Lunchtime. The pub? Surely too early?
He has another wank over Liz Hurley.
Come two pm and he’s out of the door,
Intending to sink three pints, maybe four.

Evening falls and casts a special magic –
Our man is so pissed he can’t see how tragic
His life – sorry, existence – has become.
He drains his pint, buys another one.

9 o’the clock and his whistle is wet -
This is the closest to happiness he ever gets:
Pissed as a cunt on whisky and Stella,
For now he’s a jolly happy fella.

The other people in the pub pay him no heed -
He has nothing they either want or need;
A piece of human flotsam, adrift, astray,
With nothing to contribute, nothing to say.

But he doesn’t care! He doesn’t worry!
Cos now he is off for a takeaway curry -
Lamb Tikka Masala with Pilau Rice,
Keema Nan, Sag Aloo – extremely nice!

Back home with his meal and on with the telly –
Something to watch whilst he fills his belly:
Some shite TVSF from when he was a kid.
Thank God there’s some cold cans in the fridge.

He passes out halfway through Episode Two
Of an ancient episode of Doctor Who.
His drunken sleep is the only time he’s free
From his relentless tawdry misery.

The man wakes, and for a moment there
Is a blissful moment without pain or care.
Then he remembers. Then comes the pain,
And so on, over and over again.

COPYRIGHT DOCTOR SKAGRA 2013


---

Thank you, I'm here all week. Every week. Forever.*




*Or at least until I can fix my TARDIS.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:52, closed)

Liked this.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:41, closed)

I liked this.
Not enough Dr. Who/Time Lord references tho :[
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:50, closed)

I really like this
can i steal it?
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:35, closed)

In the words of John Lennon, "shut up ringo"

(AWESOMEB0T meddling prick, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 14:05, closed)

Zing-addy-zing!

(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 14:35, closed)