Otters are one of the few non-primate species to use tools.
They'll float on their backs and place a stone on their bellies as an anvil on which to crack open shells.

I once tried to emulate them in the bath with a pumice stone and some scampi fries but I got so carried away that I pissed in my own mouth.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 9 May 2014, 16:25, 13 replies)

Scampi Fries, you sick fuck!

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 9 May 2014, 16:35, closed)

typical gay frightened of the smell of fish

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 9 May 2014, 16:56, closed)

I know what all fish smells of and it ain't Scampi Fries. Although, is that why gay people like bleach so much

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 9 May 2014, 20:54, closed)

Long story short, I accidentally pizza'd in my own mouth.
(cue 4 days on a drip for salmonella poisoning and a £1,000 loan from Wonga financially crippling me, tried to makes ends meet by offering a delivery service but by the time I'd got there on my daughter's Hello Kitty scooter, the pizzas were cold, the Kraft cheese slices had slid off and no one would pay the £0.89 I was asking. Oh well, life goes on...just)
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 9 May 2014, 16:47, closed)

If only he'd thought to hire your scooter services.
He could have rewarded you with a quick tug about the bins, too.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 May 2014, 17:40, closed)

What sort of successful businessman deletes his replies?
That's the action of a failed pizza delivery boy.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 10 May 2014, 11:25, closed)

There's always the Caledonian Cow:

"Another creature similarly viewed by modern society as little more than a benign food source - the cow - is also shown to be an astute animal capable of solving riddles with an intellect more traditionally associated with an ape. Studies at Oxford University found that Betty, a Caledonian heifer, instinctively bent a piece of wire, using a gap in her food tray to create a hook that allowed her to scrape food from the bottom of a jar."
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 9 May 2014, 18:29, closed)

awwww man
the cow version is a much much better story

the fucking ruiners
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 9 May 2014, 18:30, closed)

To be fair, the cow is probably smarter than the journalist - having misread it initially, he went on to refer to it as a 'heifer'.

Edited, as it turns out they didn't fix it after all.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 9 May 2014, 18:32, closed)

I like crows.
Those corvids and their tools!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 10 May 2014, 7:49, closed)

crows are next week

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 10 May 2014, 8:31, closed)

i have to get scampi fries now
i hope you're happy.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 11 May 2014, 17:20, closed)