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This is a question Job Interview Disasters

The boss showed me the shop floor, complete with loose floor tiles, out-of-date equipment and prospective colleagues eyeing me like a raw steak. "Christ, what a craphole", I said. I think that's the moment I blew it. Tell us how you didn't get the job.

Suggested by Field Marshall Dozington-Smythe (Ret.)

(, Thu 21 Nov 2013, 13:06)
Pages: Popular, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

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Most jobs are not advertised
The interview for my current job wasn't so much an interview as a chat and an introduction to who I'd be working with. I'm still here after 4 years as is my boss. All the people I was introduced to have fucked off though.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 12:59, 1 reply)
I've been doing the job for 10 years, and some posh graduate still smelling of talcum powder comes in, says "Management competency framework" and is now my boss.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 12:16, Reply)
I'd got a degree in the subject but they gave it to some unqualified twat who had 10 years experience.

(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 12:10, 7 replies)
I was interviewing for a job that was mine, strictly as a formality...
The interviewer asked what I felt my biggest strength was.

I replied that I saw through bullshit such as competency based interviews as being an exercise that appears to have been designed, not to find the best candidates, but to allow prize bullshitters the opportunity to shine above people who are more qualified and experienced, and went on to point out that the entire process was probably designed by an arsehole and is swallowed up as a good thing by gullible HR harridans who spend most of their time looking our for the next big thing.

I got the lowest interview score out of all of the interviewees.

Not really a disaster though.

I still got the job.
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 12:04, Reply)
I was having an interview for a project manager position when they asked me what my weaknesses were
I said, "When I make technical clarifications to incorrect or imprecise statements it is sometimes misinterpretted as rudeness. But I have a job to do, motherfucker"
(, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 11:22, Reply)
How Many?
I've had 6 teaching jobs in my entire career, for which I have attended 54 interviews in total.

That is all.

(Length? 4 years, 2 years, 8 years, 6 years, 7 years, 11 years)
(, Wed 27 Nov 2013, 19:18, 8 replies)
Lots of pr0n...
This wasn't me, it was my boss who did something very very wrong...

It was the late 90's and I'd just got a brand new job at a brand new radio station. It was great, the interview with my new boss was a delight with both of us performing Heather Small impersonations half way through the process. He's still a good friend of mine.

So that was good, however he was looking for a female presenter to do the late night show. The idea would be to compete with 'Late Night Love' on the GWR network... it was slow songs and a bit of saucy phone talk about love and relationships. Pretty standard for commercial radio at the time.

He'd explained this to one of the builders (who were building the new studios) and he'd brought him some 'love manuals' or HARDCORE PORN to get ideas from... my boss was startled and squirrelled them away in his desk.

Now, as I knew a few female presenters looking for a new job I gave him a list of names and he called a few in to the studio for an interview. One of them said she couldn't make it at a normal time as she was presenting overnights, could she come in at 8am... he was fine with that.

The night before he and I went out for a swift drink... we broke up at 1am as he had an early start the next day. The interview with my friend.

At 8am in a deserted, half built radio station, a still drunk, beery man had an interview with a young woman.

It already sounds a little "operation Yewtree" but it gets worse.

I found him in his office, ashen faced & I asked what was wrong... he mumbled in a hoarse voice "I showed her so much porn."

He had decided that the best way to illustrate what he DIDN'T want in the late night love show was to show this young woman, who he'd only just met, all of the builders porn... all of it... with a commentary on why it wasn't what he wanted.

He was so mortified he didn't give her the job, and she never really spoke to me again.

ohhh sooo long... ooooh yehhhh.
(, Wed 27 Nov 2013, 16:20, 8 replies)
"Well, that's me fucked!"
When Mr. Branson took over the West Coast rail line in the late 90's, I was made redundant from my job at telephone enquiries in Preston.
In tandem with this I was also coming to the end of a 10 yr relationship with my first LTR, and we were only still together as neither of us could afford to move on.
So getting both a job interview in Manchester, and the offer of somewhere to live there with a girl I'd lusted after for 15 years, I went for it.
Got to the office, secretary let me in, gave me a quick tour of the premises, and in the main office I see Dave.
That is his real name, but there are millions of Dave's so I reckon he's safe enough.
He looks up, see's me, say's "oh shit" and goes back to work.
I get introduced to the manager, have the interview (in which I mention I've worked with Dave before), and go on my way.
An hour later I get a call from the interviewer, telling me I've got the job, but wanting to know what had gone on between me and Dave. Apparently as soon as I'd gone into the managers office Dave had stood up, said "Well, that's me fucked", and walked out. He'd been phoned and said he wasn't coming back.
So I felt free to tell him the truth.
Dave had started work at the rail call centre in Preston, and for a few days all was well. Then we started to get calls where the customers said one of our staff was being rude, telling them rubbish, or just putting the phone down on them. The staff that had been there a while got together and it came down to possibly 3 people, so they were moved closer to the supervisors.
Within a day we realised it was Dave. We heard him saying he was the office manager and couldn't pass them to anyone higher, we saw him answer several calls in a row and then just cut them off, and other things. So the boss called him in for a quiet word.
Well his quiet word was responded to with "You're a fucking cretin, I could do your job with my hands behind my back" at which point he was sent home.
The next day he phoned and apologised, and was told to resume the next day.
He came in, didn't even log in before he launched into a tirade of abuse at full volume in the middle of the office, and called the boss several things(mostly with the word 'fucking' as a descriptive noun) before being instantly dismissed.
Of course he never mentioned this when he went for the Manchester job, and his references were never followed up on, but when he saw me going into the office he thought the game was up and jumped ship.
The thing he didn't know? As a person I quite liked him, he was funny and clever, and if he'd done his job properly in Manchester I'd never have had cause to tell the truth on why he'd left his previous job.
(, Wed 27 Nov 2013, 14:02, 6 replies)
Why do they bother?
On page 3 Harem-Member mentions her interview in which she was asked about her time on the sex chat lines. This reminded me of a job interview I had for 'Menzies' newsagents in my late 20's.
I'd not long finished a diploma course in Institutional Management as a mature student, and saw a vacancy in the Manchester Evening News for jobs as a Newsagent Manager.
I didn't know much about paper shops but did know about team management as I'd had a job as under manager at a couple of hotels, basically running the place when the manager went home, so I applied for the job and got an interview somewhere near London (about 200 miles from the area the job was in.)
My C.V. was (mainly) true, a little exaggeration as to my role in a couple of jobs, but my hobbies of reading, cinema, naturism, theatre were honest enough.
So six in the morning, I'm on the train to London. I'd borrowed the rail fare from my bank on the evidence of the company writing "we will refund your travelling expenses" on the letter asking me for interview.
Got to their offices about 9:45 for a 10am interview, dressed in a similar style to others arriving and leaving, and shortly after 10 get called into an office.
First thing I see on the floor is one of those plastic cups you practice putting golf balls into, with about half a dozen balls around it. My inner voice immediatly tells me its going to be a strange day.
One man interviewing, shake hands, sit down, basic blurb of companies foundation and current standing, etc.
"So why do you like taking your clothes off?"
I answer as honestly as I can, it's relaxing, swimming naked makes far more sense than putting trunks on, the human body is wonderful and nothing to be ashamed of, and so on.
We then discuss H&E, the only naturist magazine available for people to buy off the shelf in Britain, and he asks what I think of it. I start to tell him I think its a shame it has so many models in it when he interrupts and suggests we try putting some balls as we chat.
I basically go off on one of my favourite diatribes about people looking at magazines like H&E, seeing only the same sort of people you get modelling clothes in fashion catalogues and being put off when nudists came in all shapes and sizes, whilst hitting golf balls around his office.
I don't to this day know what I did or said wrong, but he suddenly decided enough was enough, and said "Thank you for coming, we'll send you a cheque for expenses." He did answer the several questions I asked him about the job, you remember, the reason I was there), but that was it really.
The cheque did eventually arrive, btw, after 6 months of ringing to chase it up.
(, Wed 27 Nov 2013, 13:33, 2 replies)

(, Wed 27 Nov 2013, 11:56, 3 replies)
We have a lot of trouble finding staff
My manager emails candidates a set of test problems, then for those who do well on that there's a telephone interview, and if they get through that a face-to-face where they're grilled. It's mainly technical competence he's after, so the questions are usually about fairly obscure technical matters. Very few candidates reach his standards and get an offer.

Including, unfortunately, me. There's no way I'd make it through his process. Which, given that I'm his deputy and the most senior developer, seems a little wrong, somehow. Sometimes, if I can't get out of it, I have to help with the interviews. I always feel uncomfortable asking questions which I know I'd struggle with myself...
(, Wed 27 Nov 2013, 11:03, 11 replies)
Give me a job on at least 30K a year...
working from home, plenty of opportunity for skiving, very low expectations and flexible hours...

And I'll post a picture of my balls.
(, Wed 27 Nov 2013, 9:56, 5 replies)
"Instead of an interview", they said
"We'll send you out on the job. You could earn £120 today!"

It was door-to-door chugging on some of the scariest estates in the West Midlands. On the rare occasions that I did convince some senile old dodderer to sign up to give a percentage of their pension to the RSPCA the company did everything in their power to weasel their way out of paying me the £10 commission that comprised the entirety of my wages, because it was basically a pyramid marketing scheme. I spent the next few days in the freezing cold, being told to fuck off about 10 times an hour, but stuck it out for just under two weeks before jacking it in and going back to work at the pub.
(, Wed 27 Nov 2013, 9:30, 13 replies)
The wrong colour suit
I'm an IT bod (I know, shock right?) and I once went for an interview to be a sys admin for a legal firm in the city. Turned up at the interview suited and booted, passed all the technical questions and all in all it seemed to go really well. Then I got the feedback.

"Sorry, you haven't got the job, you were wearing a dark green suit and they felt it was inappropriate for the business."

Apparently, it's only black or gray for legal firms.
(, Wed 27 Nov 2013, 9:19, 11 replies)

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