bullshit (not the question)
the best thing about very young kids is the spectacular lies you can quite casually tell them.

i have so far convinced small children:

when you sleep your brain picks up television from other countries - thats why dreams are so weird.

when i was a wee boy everything was in black and white but people could move a lot quicker

the prime minister makes old ladies wear special scratchy coats and thats why they are so grumpy

if you sit in a wood and stay VERY QUIET AND STILL the trees will eventually relax and move about and talk to each other

bees go on holiday in winter to bee hives that are like tiny Centre Parcs inside but they don't let wasps in - which is why they are so horrible all the time

you can take a 'frogman' up in a helicopter and they can swim around inside clouds on a rope

in australia everyone wears special magnet shoes to stop them falling off

americans are bigger than normal people because america is bigger - the average american is 18 feet tall and their cars are the size of our trains (this might possibly be true)

if you put a sock in a paper bag under your bed it will soon breed and there will be two when you look again in the morning (easy to fake loads of fun)

when i was a boy i had a pet dinosaur

you have to chew nuts properly because if you don't a tree will grow out of your bottom

when dogs go to kennels they make them work down sherbert mines

licorice tastes exactly the same as licking a dogs bottom

if you jump too high on a trampoline gravity doesn't work anymore and you can fly away

and of course the classic... run to the shops and get me X and i'll time you to see if you are the fastest child in the world

quite sure i will remember more as the week goes on.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 16:29, 9 replies)

I whole heartedly agree with this sentiment.
Give em ghosts goblins, stars that run on electricity and orchestras of tiny people in the radio. It's all added magic.

And yes, the see how quick you can fetch me X is great for when you feel lazy.
( The magic of chutney Shakes it like an Instagram filter!, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 16:36, closed)

Hahahaha
brilliant! *Click* I wish I could think of things like that, Kids freak me out!
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 16:36, closed)

Mum told me if I swallowed chewing gum,
it would stick my insides together, and stop them working properly.
Also if I didn't have a dental filling by the time I was 16, I'd get a special medal from the dentist.
Sure there were other ways of instilling thoughts of therapy!
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 17 Apr 2008, 20:31, closed)

ah, the old "see how fast you can be" ploy
i fell for that one until i was about 8. my nephew is 11 now and he's having none of it, but my niece is 9 and she still falls for it.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 2:29, closed)

My kids hate cleaning up their messes,
But tell them it is a race to see who can put away more toys and they are begging for more things to clean.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Fri 18 Apr 2008, 4:30, closed)

*click*
hee, hee - must try some of these...
( snee held his breath since, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 8:24, closed)

"Lies to tell small children"
is a great book.
Buy it! Buy it!
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 12:15, closed)

Another good variation
on the "see how fast you can be" is "hypnotism". Tell your victim you're going to play a game called hypnotism; you will make them your slave, and they have to do whatever you tell them (usually going to get biscuits). Convince them they have to walk around with outstretched arms and make zombie-like moaning noises for extra fun.
(pk1982, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 14:34, closed)

cheers b3trds...
as far as the zombie - hypno thing goes i used to do a similar ting with my little sister but i used to make out it was me that was going into the trance - freaked the shit out of the poor wee soul

i (may not) burn in hell 'cos she still loves me and shes 35 now
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 23:29, closed)