As a wee sprog in primary School...
My class was to make "lanterns". Mrs Cartmail (yes, real name) explained the technique....

I didn't like Mrs Cartmail. She smelled funny and was mean.

1. Select Bog-roll tube, and wrap its waistline with silver/gold stick back paper.
2. Select favourite Coloured Sticky-back paper, fold down the middle and cut slits into it.
3. Cut 1 strip of paper, and stick over the top of the tube as a handle
4. unfold large coloured bit, and wrap around the tube... creating shoddy lantern effect.

I did this at warp speed. I've always been good with my hands. Other kids were having "issues" with their paper and so on... and I had a finished lantern. I was pleased. "Miiiissss I've finished!"

Humpty, That is NOT what I told you to make.
Yes it is miss
No It isn't. I told you to pick your favourite coloured paper.
I did miss.
Oh really? What colour is that then?
*confused* Black miss!
BLACK ISN'T A COLOUR!!
*so very confused, and aware that the rest of the kids were staring* Yes it is.. You said..
I SAID PICK A COLOUR... DO IT AGAIN!!
but but but *trembling lip* but ALL *our* lanterns are black miss
DON'T ARGUE! DO IT AGAIN!

I was distraught, and she tore up my lantern.
by the time I finished making my lantern again, all the others had finished. I was lagging.. but.. I had selected the darkest blue there was.

WHAT COLOUR IS THAT?
Blue miss
*Cartmail fumes*
Miss? If black isn't a colour, What colour are my trousers?
*silence*

************************

My mum came to collect me as usual... Mrs Cartmail was waiting and dragged us into the classroom. Cartmail ranted about how I argued with her about black being a colour.

My mum answered that Black *was* infact a colour, and if Cartmail had hated black so much, why did she supply black paper?

Cartmail then said I had been cheeky and tried to make her look stupid, proffering my trouser question as evidence.

My mum smiled a sweet smile and asked her what her answer had been... When Cartmail said she didn't answer it, my Mum asked her; "Well then, IF black isn't a colour, What colour are his trousers?"

Cartmail was silent.

"Well, Let me tell you. His trousers are black. It Is a colour, and he DID make you look stupid. You should be ashamed of yourself."

I was then home-schooled for a year.

*************

Shit... long and pointless. I'm sorry about that!!

Ohhh.. Tangent time.

Since then I've enjoyed asking pointy questions at exactly the right times.

I used to work at JCB at one point of my life. One of the Bamford (founders) family came around to each factory and spent time with his chief accountant explaining how we must all save money for the company. Use less hand-towels, close doors to keep heat in, Use public transport instead of hirecars, turn lights off.. blah blah blah. Serious stuff. the highlight and largest saving the reckoned was to use public transport instead of hire-cars

"Any Questions?"
*Humpty raises hand*
"Yes?"
"We know how you like to lead by example; how did you travel to the factory today?"
*Loud intakes of breath from well over 500 employees...*

The hypocrites habitually travel using the company helicopter...
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 18 Apr 2008, 15:01, 10 replies)

*click*
for getting your own back on a bully. I hate nothing more than bullies, and when teachers do it, it's 100 times worse, as they should know better.

Anyway, your mum sounds wicked. Good on her!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 15:04, closed)

Your mum sounds like my kind of person.
Next time you see her, give her an extra hug, just for that incident.

*click*
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 18 Apr 2008, 15:10, closed)

Can't hug my mum =(
So many spinal problems that even the lightest touch causes her to scream with pain =(

... back in those days though she was as tough as nails. :)

I hugged her leg as she berated Cartmail.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 18 Apr 2008, 15:13, closed)

good for you!
i had a teacher that absolutely despised me. she'd been in my brother's school and made his life a misery, to the point where my mum actually got her fired from the school. start of the next term, whose school is she in now? whose class is she teaching? mine, that's who.
she hated intelligent kids. i suspect that this is because she wasn't as bright as she liked to pretend she was. she made me suffer 8 months of mental torture, gave me low grades despite the fact that i had got all the questions right("she loses points for not applying herself". not my fault i didn't have to strain my brain to work out that 2x2=4), told other teachers i was lazy and stupid and basically made my life a living hell.
then she made a mistake.
she slapped me.
my mother was at that school faster than an exocet missile, demanding the bitch's head on a spike. when she realised it was the same teacher who'd given my brother a hard time, she threatened to sue the school for employing someone who was known to be mentally abusive to kids.
she was sacked. i was happy.

sorry for the rant, but teachers who hate kids should be investigated and, where appropriate, fired.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 15:16, closed)

Speaking of mums standing up to teachers
I had a hideous house-mistress for my U6; she accused me of stealing, skipping chapel in the mornings, bunking off lessons, lying...loads of foul things (none of which were true). On speech day, in front of loads of other parents, my mother and father told her exactly what they thought of her, said she was the most incompetent and unprofessional person they'd ever met, that she wasn't fit to be a teacher, and that how dare she call herself a devout Christian (she taught RS and was always banging on at us girls to lead more godly lives) when she was such a hypocritical bully.

Lots of other parents thought this as well, as I wasn't the only one she'd bullied, but mine were the only ones that dared say it to her face.

I saw her a couple of years ago (for some reason a schoolfriend of mine, from the same boarding house, invited her to her wedding), and she ran away from me!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 15:18, closed)

Pedantic!
Black is technically a shade rather than a colour. But that teacher still deserved a punch in the face
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 15:35, closed)

^^
YES! YES! CUNT HER IN THE FUCK!

*ahem*

She definitely deserved a bollocking...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 18 Apr 2008, 15:55, closed)

Questioning pedantry
Isn't black actually the absence of any colour, as in, if something appears black it's because it has absorbed all the coloured light hitting it and is reflecting back nothing whereas something white is absorbing none of the light and is reflecting back everything.

But I agree with TRL, definitely a case of cunted in the fuck (I love that phrase and wish I could use it more often)
(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 16:31, closed)

^ yes, this
That's what I'd heard as well.

But still a cowardly cunt fuck all the same.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 18 Apr 2008, 16:47, closed)

.
Oh I thought that black not being a colour thing was the preserve of art teachers "Black doesn't oocur in nature!" there are lots of things that are black in nature if you stop to think. Did see another art teacher (one Miss Shepherd)lose it and grab a girl by the hair but can't remember anything happening after that. Oh and a science teacher crossed the road to avoid my Dad for years after he went to parents evening and corrected her chemistry teaching!
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 13:30, closed)