Since we're being a bit cathartic and posting non-funny responses here and there...
I'll share with you one of mine that still jangles my nerves.

I've been pretty open on here about the fact that my ex and I had a pretty bad split, and that we don't exactly get along, and that I have a rather low opinion of her. I've given some humorous examples in the past that could easily be construed as exaggeration for the sake of a funny tale. This is not one of them. Please bear with me, and apologies for the huge cast of characters.

Let's see... it was four years ago, I believe. My daughter (who I'll refer to as Mini-Me, or MM) was either 10 or 11 at the time. I had been out of the house for about four years, and things had settled into an uneasy truce, despite the ugliness that had gone on. My daughter was friends with the daughter of one of my ex's friends (who I shall denote as Cuntwipe here), and much as I disliked the mother, I had no quarrel with the kid (who shall be called Battleground) so I let my daughter hang out with her a fair bit.

Now, Cuntwipe had gotten in the middle of my divorce and had said a lot of very unpleasant thing to my kids regarding me, most of which were either outright lies or distortions. I had called her on this numerous times- not only was it not her place to say anything to my kids, but trying to turn a child against a parent is about as low as you can get. To say the least, I consider Cuntwipe to be one of the slimiest forms of life on the planet. But again, her daughter Battleground was blameless, so when my daughter wanted to spend the night with Battleground at her father's house, I allowed it- the father (call him Victorious) seemed a decent enough sort, despite having at one point been with Cuntwipe.

Perhaps I should have included this story in the Karma question, for what followed was divine justice in a way. In essence, Cuntwipe and her ex were having a custody battle, and it looked like Victorious was going to win. I smiled inside at this, but said nothing.

Then one day Mini-Me called me and wanted to talk- she was highly upset, so I dropped what I was doing and went to get her.

It seems that MM had been for an overnight with Battleground at Victorious's house, and had been present when Victorious and his parents were coaching Battleground on what she should say at the custody hearing. MM was highly upset by all of this as she had been through a bad custody hearing herself between myself and the ex, and confided to her mother what she had witnessed.

So what does my ex do? She calls Cuntwipe and tells her all that my daughter has told her, and she and Cuntwipe agree that MM simply MUST testify at the custody hearing.

Remember, my daughter was barely in middle school at this point. She was scared shitless of having to testify, and wanted nothing to do with the custody hearing that would determine which house her friend was going to be living in. And this is what she wanted to talk to me about.

Needless to say, my rage knew no bounds. I called my ex and asked if it was true that she was going to force our daughter to testify and she said yes, that MM's testimony would be vital. At this point I exploded and told her that there was no way in hell I was going to permit this to happen, that the morning of the trial I would drive MM down there myself and explain in great detail to the judge why I was objecting to my daughter being put through this.

The ex was equally adamant that MM was going to testify, so I told her that I'd see her there and hung up. My daughter sat there with tears streaming across her cheeks. I assured her that the judge would listen to me, and all would be fine, and she spent the night over at my apartment.

I explained to my boss why I needed part of a day off work for this, and he was aghast that my ex would do such a thing, and told me to take the entire day if I wanted. So the morning of the hearing I was ironing my clothes when the phone rang. It was Cuntwipe's attorney, informing me that she had decided that she didn't need MM's testimony after all.

I put away my clothing and put on jeans and a tee shirt and drove to my daughter's school, and wrote a note that I asked be taken to her immediately. The note said that she didn't have to go, that I love her and I would come get her after school and take her to dinner.

The ex was very frosty about all of this, especially when Cuntwipe lost custody (as well she should- she shouldn't be allowed to have custody of a goldfish, let alone a child), but there was nothing she could do about any of it. I said little to nothing and let it drop.

The end note to all of this, however, came about two years later when I was going through MM's school backpack. In one of the pockets, folded and frayed but still intact, I found the note I had written. It was one of her most treasured possessions, and she carried it with her all the time. I'm not sure, but I think she still has it somewhere...

My apologies for such a long-winded rant, but I feel a bit better now. I told this story to the Lunatic Artist this weekend, so it was still in my mind this morning.

Bottom line in all of this, people- however ugly your divorce gets, no matter how much hatred you feel toward your ex, however bitter you may be- LEAVE THE KIDS OUT OF IT.

Edited to give longer names to make it easier to follow.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 21 Apr 2008, 14:51, 15 replies)

Nice..
Truly heartfelt and honest. *click*
(zeroSignal, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 14:58, closed)

Well said, Sir
My hubby was the "pawn" in his parents very bitter divorce. This was back in the 70s when divorce was relatively rare (at least among the working classes) and although he's forgiven his mother (she initially left, and in a 7 year old's eyes, that's abandonment), his father is not, and never will be, part of our lives. That man hauled his ex-wife and their under ten year old son through the courts for three long years. Then, when it was all over and MrWitch was settled with his mum and step-dad, he started playing silly buggers with the child maintenance payments.

/rant over, normal breathing resumed.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 21 Apr 2008, 14:58, closed)

Nice story *clicks*
but I should warn you, if QOTW starts going down the heartfelt cathartic route again like it did a few weeks back, it'll backfire and there's gonna end up being a lot of long winded discussions about bestiality. And you'll have no-one to blame but yourself.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:04, closed)

I repeat Al's
Sentiments.

Your daughter sounds lucky to have such an awesome Dad though, so nice work.

*goat sex*
( Cawl, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:06, closed)

*gets out gaffa tape*
*gets out new cat*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:08, closed)

Thanks.
To be honest, telling this story made my hands shake and made me feel vaguely ill. It was not easy to write.

I might add that my daughter has a somewhat strained relationship with her mother to this day, but is extremely close to me- to the point of clingyness, where it worries the Lunatic Artist at times. It's due to this and other instances where I stood up to protect her when her mother wouldn't. So perhaps Mini-Me is trying a bit harder than is normal to be like her dad- but I think I can understand why she feels this way.

As a final note- the various and sundry stories I've posted in the past regarding my ex? Not only were they all true, but I understated them quite a lot. She's worse than I've made her out to be.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:09, closed)

No offence but...
Trying to read your story was like trying to suffice for algebra.
There was far too many As and Bs For once. I mean I dont understand why C didnt like X when X went to see Y. If Y equaled H times A then why should C have done that? i dont know. I just dont understand! My head is hurting now. Almost like C squared did when he had a run in with A. And it was all Ys fault!
(Miggyman, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:10, closed)

Yeah, sorry about that...
...but my kids are online, they know I post here, and I'm trying to keep the identities of everyone vague. It's a bit too ticklish otherwise, and I wasn't up for inventing clever names for them all... although I suppose you might name the kid's mother Cuntwipe, the father Victorious, the daughter Battleground and my ex Nurse Mengele...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:14, closed)

That's the second
Mention of Mengele today...
( Cawl, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:19, closed)

Has anyone done the stiffy joke yet?

(dara o'briain, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:20, closed)

More common than you think
This story doesn't surprise me one little bit. Like you say - `leave the kids out of it'. They're not possessions, spoils or compensation - they are people.

I am going through the sort of thing you have - an unexpected and unplanned whirlwind of depression, court appearances, lies, distortions, blackmail and the full works. And my case is a relatively simple one. One of the best things I did was sack my solicitor before it got really `interesting' - I represent myself in court.

Anyone who uses a kid as a weapon, a shield or a meal ticket deserves what karma by rights should throw at them.

You'd be shocked by some of the stories I have heard. As for understating your stories mate...I know what you mean. I tend to do the same because otherwise people just chalk me up as a bitter ex with a good imagination.

I'll write a book about it one day. A comedy.
(Audax Victor, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:21, closed)

Darn it.
I just wrote the entire thing as a set of equations... but they failed to be postable.

No idea why.

*click*
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:22, closed)

Good grief!
You have my sympathies! And I count myself as being very lucky - despite the fact that the ex-MrChickenlady and I are no longer together, we still get on reasonably well - the relationship failed mainly due to his family from hell and his love of the farm above all else. Luckily we agree about the children and they are our most important priority, so no custody battles - entirely shared custody and the kids are very happy. They now get to see far, far more of their father than they ever did when we were together. And their mother is happy these days too. Oh, and there's twice the amount of presents at Christmas and birthdays.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:33, closed)

@Chickenlady
I dream of my ex being like you...my ex (since she left and divorced me with ne'er a word) has volunteered next to nothing. Time I get with my son? Fought for it in court.

I didn't see him at Christmas, on his first birthday, my first Father's Day as a dad, missed his first step, his first word over the 4 months (he was 4 months old when this started) she stopped him spending any time with me at all. My elderly parents (also having suffered lies and accusations) have seen their grandson for less than half of his life.

When I'm with him, I'm a normal dad...right until the point I deliver him after my alloted few hours a week back to my ex mother in law (who is at the hand overs because my ex is `too scared' of me).

Not an experience to recommend, people!
(Audax Victor, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:46, closed)

@Audax
Yeah... wild, isn't it? Were I to tell the stories accurately people would never believe me. The thing that's really kinda scary is that I'm pretty sure that my girlfriend thought I was distorting things until she heard my kids confirming the stories and adding details that I had left out.

I don't know if it's the rain and thunderstorms here or this story, but I've got a definite feeling of dread right now...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 21 Apr 2008, 17:23, closed)