My usual excuse
is First Buses. Shocking service.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 5 Jul 2007, 15:07, Reply)

My Dad
My mum's maiden name is Stephenson. My dad's family name is Tate. I am their child and was born during their marriage. I have since changed my name but that's why I was
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 15:04, Reply)

On topic though...
...if you live and/or work in Manchester, then the word 'Metrolink' is the only excuse you ever need.

Not funny, but then neither was my last one :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 15:04, Reply)

Shhhhhh.....
Calm down now.
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 15:01, Reply)

Ner-ni-ner-ni-ner-ness...
...{whine whine} QOTW {whine whine} Thursday {whine whine} Next one {whine whine whine fucking whine}

Fuck's sake - do something else then and come back tomorrow.

Believe it or not, I'm in a pretty good mood today so I'm mystified as to where this rant came from. Still, I think it needed to be said.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 14:58, Reply)

Sorry for making you late
I once called up a mate to apologise for making him late for a football match and to tell him I'd be missing the game so could he flog my ticket (which he had on him)?

I was calling from the central reservation, where I'd crawled after being knocked off my motorbike and run over.

He said not to worry, he was in town already having a pie and pint and was I sure I'd miss the game cos he could hang on for me.

No, I was pretty sure cos my leg was broken - the biggest clue being I could almost touch my right knee with my right foot - and I was waiting for an ambulance.

And the next time I saw another mate, all he did was complain that he missed kickoff cos he was stuck in the tailback caused by my accident. Cheers.

Now I'm late with an assignment because I haven't been able to concentrate since Tuesday because my girlfriend thought she was going to be early - 12 weeks early in fact. Still struggling with the assignment but I now know loads about preterm survival rates (around 80% at 28 weeks and 91% at 29 weeks so keep him in there a few days longer.)

Edit: turns out to have been a false alarm, thank fuck.
(SpittyWoonerism, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 14:48, Reply)

It's laike a bad cowboy actor.....
.....it just won't sodding die.
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 14:47, Reply)

Thought
I might be late for the new QOTW. Obviously I'm not.
(barrycounty, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 14:46, Reply)

Well...
I think the most horrible thing I've seen for some time is a dying QOTW board, esp when I'm really bored!
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 5 Jul 2007, 14:39, Reply)

I haven't
seen really lame jokes about the previous QOTW since, oh maybe last thursday.

We're about due, I reckon.
( Kroney, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 14:17, Reply)

Didn't you know that
Swipe is the world's only honest lawyer?

And also that she has access to the town's CCTV cameras, and an army of trained monkeys watching for b3ta-suitable material...

Anyone else think that perhaps the next question will begin with a really lame joke about why it was late?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 5 Jul 2007, 14:09, Reply)

I'm
probably not walking around in the right areas. All I see are the absurdly high numbers of chavs.

I will keep my eyes peeled. It'd be fun to have a load of new stories for the QOTW
( Kroney, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 14:04, Reply)

all 100% of fact
there's a lot of weirdos around and uxbridge has an unduly high proportion. many of them are my clients but i'd get struck off if i told their stories. try being a bit more observant/nosey and you might see something entertaining in something that's right in front of you.

yesterday morning i saw the guy who stands in the town centre flogging hundreds of helium balloons trip as he retrieved them from his van, therefore releasing the sparkling mass prematurely into the sky. his furious face and his colourful language cheered up my morning a treat.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 13:56, Reply)

I have to say
I also work in Uxbridge and I have never seen any of the things rachelswipe posts about.

Ever.

I am either the unluckiest bloke alive or she's very good at telling tall tales.

She's a lawyer, draw your own conclusions.
( Kroney, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 13:14, Reply)

I only just remembered
When I was at the afforementioned telesales dungeon we pulled off the greatest blag of the century. My brother came into the office and walked up to my desk.

"Something terrible has happened, Grandads been in an accident..."

"But we dont have a grand...."

*wink*

"Oh god! Whats happened?!"

I explained to my boss that something terrible had happened and I needed to go RIGHT NOW. We then went to the pub.

Wheeeeeee.
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 12:55, Reply)

My friend kris was 2 hours late for colege
it was project day and fucking important, we were all waiting for him until he finally arrived to explain that the reason he was late was because he had been sitting waiting for the train at chatham station and had notied they'd spruced it all up a bit (shithole that it is)
all of a sudden Tony Blair had come and sat down next to him and they had chatted for an hour about kris's life and what it was like to be prime minister, he let four trains go by because he was enjoying himself so much

it was an official visit you see

at least that was what he said, to this day I don't know if it was true or not but it got us extra time on the project as the tutors believed him
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 11:40, Reply)

During the dot com boom...
...I was working for a nice little company. We had Raleigh Choppers in the office, random competitions to see who could draw the best picture of Skippy the Bush Kangaroo, blow-up dolls hanging around (not sure why tbh)... You get the basic idea. Nobody gave a crap because everybody thought it was the start of a new era.

Well, it goes without saying that such an environment tends to stop people from being to fussy about when they arrive in the mornings. Management noticed that we were all getting in later and later and decided to do something about it so they started a chart, accompanied by a "three strikes and you're out" policy. It didn't take me long to notch up a couple of strikes.

One day I slept through the alarm and woke up massively late for work. I think it was about midday, or just after. I thought about calling work to say I was late, but that was already pretty obvious. The thought of just walking into the place mid-afternoon wasn't particularly appealing either.

So I did the only thing I could do... Nothing... I just left it and then went in as normal the next day. Nobody asked me anything, they all assumed I'd had a day's holiday (probably, I didn't actually ask them about it for obvious reasons).

So to answer the original question... Erm... Because I was tired, I suppose.
(Jamey, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 11:39, Reply)

Stop now...
...no, really. Stop.
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 11:37, Reply)

And his mate in Sheffield nearly caused a disaster
during the floods - he began Ramadam a little early.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 5 Jul 2007, 11:35, Reply)

His associate is called
Sinj Majeep
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 5 Jul 2007, 11:33, Reply)

He's been named as
Mustafa Skingraft
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 5 Jul 2007, 11:32, Reply)

He's the first person
ever to be done for smoking in a public place.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 5 Jul 2007, 11:32, Reply)

Legless...
...don't mock. He was celebrating his most favorite of holidays.



Ramavan.

I'll get me coat.
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 11:31, Reply)

I'm Not Late
Because I've been at work since 7am yesterday. 28 hours and counting and it'll be at least 7pm before I can get away tonight. 36 hour shift. Glad I'm charging by the hour.

And while I'm on - have you heard that the Glasgow kebab has his own website? He can be found on www.friendsre-ignited.com.

He's also been offered a part in the remake of MASH. He'll be playing Major Burns.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 11:30, Reply)

Perhaps
buying a house would be a good idea.

or buying a camper van.

or even tinting the windows so no-one can see in.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 5 Jul 2007, 11:29, Reply)

My mate and I
once scared the shit out of a guy in Uxbridge, due to a case of mistaken identity.

He wasn't a mong though. Although I dare say he may have some issues now.

For the record, I don't live in the town where I work (Dundee) either. It was once described by a mate of mine as being "full of wretched looking people", which frequent pedestriations into town have confirmed to me.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Jul 2007, 11:20, Reply)