Kate you crazy girl...
It was my mates missus, now his wife.

He met her in our horrible local one cold night about 3 years ago, she wasn’t unattractive but she had something weird about her from that first moment they started talking and ended up at our table.

From those first five minutes of them talking and us listening we heard her saying how she was a lesbian (great we thought, we can watch), she was pregnant (despite being a lesbian and had never slept with a man), I vaguely remember us laughing and walking off and leaving him with the nutter and we assumed he would get rid and join us playing darts.

Except they left 5 mins later. Couple of days later we see him in the pub again looking very white.

She was pregnant. We already knew this we told him, she told us the other night. Apparently that was a lie and he was the dad, we told him to get a test done and get shot of her asap.

Turns out she was lying, but he wouldn’t believe it, 6 months after they met out popped a baby, we questioned him on the dates but he didn’t want to know.

Also the kid was very dark (not black but much darker than the “parents”) and seeing as our mate was pretty much albino many laughs were had.

Tried to avoid her as much as I could but some of the lies were great.

She had worked for the government years ago (she was 19 when we met her) and when they are running low on money they would call her company and she would go round putting flu bugs into lampposts that would spray out and make people ill so they would by lockets/lemsips etc thus giving the government enough money for that month????????

Her dad was the guy who stabbed Monica Seles. Her dad was a scum bag but the guy who stabbed her was called Gunter and German or something, her dad was called Ian.

She was walking home one day and saw a jumbo jet land on the motorway and take off again, funny how it never made the news. She reckons it was Aliens.

Her sister was a spy and had been living in Russia doing spy stuff. She had no sister.

After a row with my mate apparently id shagged her, despite the fact im now living in Sydney and she is in London. My mate even called me and went nuts, apparently id flown back just to shag her and left again that night. He still thinks I did it.

Oh and they have 3 kids now, very much doubt any or his, he even reckons 1 is mine, despite not being back to the UK in over 2 years, the kid is only 10 months old FFS.

Length, there’s more but I haven’t the heart.
(Lanceuppercut, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 1:49, 3 replies)

Hahahahahaa!
If that cunt is so silly he will put up with it.
He deserves it!

Congrats on moving to Oz BTW:)
( Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 7:47, closed)

I assume you use the term "mate"
to loosely mean "silly cunt."
(Slurpy The Frog, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 7:58, closed)

Those kids are going to grow up to be interesting.
Mum's a mentalist. Dad's a fucking idiot. chances of them reaching adulthod with sanity intact seem slim.
(Big D, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 10:11, closed)