Alliance & Leicester (or Santander now) - inspired by previous comments regarding these cunts!
I had a £400 overdraft on my A&L account, so every month I would get paid and my account would show an available balance of £1600 (not actual amount, but enough to demonstrate my logic here!) This would therefore be £1200, plus my £400 overdraft. This was built up as a result of needing a bit of cash quick, and forgetting (for a period of 5yrs!) to cancel the overdraft! The problem was, I could cancel it but I'd be down for that month... so I had an idea!

I gathered up £400 from my "resources" (read: borrowed it off me mum!) and went into Alliance & Leicester, paid in the £400 cash and asked them to remove my overdraft. My logic being, I'm not "down" any money here, but I can pay my mum back in installments which are easier to manage by smiling sweetly and giving her £50 a month or so.

Now... cue the miserable cunt behind the counter who replied with "I'm sorry sir, we can't do that I'm afraid. You'll need to call the call centre to cancel an overdraft facility"

When I asked why they couldn't do this, the girl meekly offered the shit excuse of "They need to prove who you are" - now, my mentality worked on the logic that face to face contact is better than "anyone" phoning a call centre and claiming to be me, simply by reading the info off my last bank statement. I had got 3 forms of photo ID on myself at the time (one of which was a warrant card FFS!) and she couldn't accept that as proof of identity, yet me confirming the first line of my address and my postcode was enough to satisfy them that I'm who I say I am.

Seriously - who the FUCK walks into a bank with cash to pay into someone else's account, and to cancel their overdraft for them.... you'd expect a "criminal" to be the person walking into the bank to WITHDRAW the money... not reduce the person's debt!

Anyhoo... I asked to speak to the manager and got a bit arsey to her, asking what the point was of my money funding branches full of staff who have no useful purpose. This got a couple of titters from the queue behind me!

No... I didn't get my overdraft cancelled until I went home and phoned the fuckers up, but I managed to knock the smug smile of the cashier's face by openly questioning in front of a queue of people in the branch, why these people were even employed, if they're unable to provide the service a customer would expect from a bank.

I feel horrible saying this, but I have now switched to a different bank, and Santander took over and made that particular branch redundant! (because there was a bigger Abbey branch up the road!)

NOW WHO'S SMIRKING BITCH!?!?!
(Anne Frank started to build a loft conversion on, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:44, 10 replies)

They still do the call centre thing at my branch
makes you wonder why they have branches, they could just put a phone on the outside wall rather than make you wait in a queue before not being able to help...
(cinquante_neuf vintage bintage circa, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:06, closed)

your entire comment pretty much sums up the rant I had at the manager.... although I was slightly smirking to find they'd closed! CUNTS! (I have a deep and irrational hatred for Santander!)
(Anne Frank started to build a loft conversion on, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:14, closed)

irrational hatred of Santander
You've never had an account with the Halifax then?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:15, closed)

Halifucks
are completely useless.

recently they told me you can only put in 5 bags of money a day into your account. I had saved up my tips for a year part time pizza delivering and they said i'd have to pay it in stages....

now this i can slightly understand but i was stood in an empty branch, with about £500 in pound coins in my pockets (in pre-counted bags).

when I asked why they couldnt just weigh the bags and divide by the amount of bags, they just "cant".

took me a month to pay £500 into my bank.....fuckheads
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 13:34, closed)

oh fucksocks!!
I've switched TO Halifax from A&L/Santander!!

I'll just withdraw my cash and fill my mattress, that way if I wet the bed, it's me pissing on my own money!
(Anne Frank started to build a loft conversion on, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 13:53, closed)

thats ridiculous
I want their piss-easy job
(maggotriddendirtbox fast, feral and sharp as a tack since, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 23:32, closed)

And then
of course they'll tell you that some of the bags are incorrect. I went home, recounted them (correct!) returned to the Halifax, only to be served by the same knob who informed me that the weighing machine was set to the wrong denomination.
(Sadarse works like Mist condensing mud flaps, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 16:46, closed)

bring back public stocks
a few cabbages to the head will sort out this laxidasical attitude
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:07, closed)

Virtual Phone Insanity
I once had to deal with a counter-monkey who told me he couldn't do what I asked over the counter, I'd have to phone in. He then stunned me by saying:

"You can use that phone over there."

So I did. And guess who picked it up and dealt with my problem? Yep, the same counter-monkey.

*runs screaming and gibbering toward the horizon, shedding clothes and other semblances of modern civilization as he goes*
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:51, closed)

Excellent
Just sums up the whole culture to a T, doesn't it?
( .Yeti., Fri 11 Feb 2011, 13:55, closed)