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This is a question Look! It's me in the Local Paper

Most local papers will print any old rubbish. Far, far too many years ago I got into the Windsor, Slough and Eton Express after winning a fancy-dressed-bicycle competition. What they neglected to mention was that I was the only entrant.

What sad stuff have you been in your local rag for doing? Scan stuff in and show us if you can.

(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 10:15)
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I have been in the local rag many many a time
The first time would have been when I was about 6 or 7 when the pikey estate I was living on at the time had a fun fair. I was pictured with a donkey along with my brother. The second time I would have been about 12. This was embarrasing as at that time the council was pissed off at me and my brother and claimed we had broken a wooden fence by kicking a ball repeatdly against it. That was a load of sweaty sack. We were kids! We couldn't kick a ball that hard! And, we didn't even play football anywhere near this broken fence EVER! Anyway, someone read about this in the local rag and proceeded to show everyone at school this front page. I wanted to die.

Third time was when I was 13 and meet Rod Hull at the opening of Pet World in Cricklewood. I am in a photo with my back turned to the camera. At the time I was embarrased by this, but now I feel honoured and blessed.

Fourth time: I was 14 and won a signed Arsenal football competition that was running in the paper. However, the signatures looked dubious and I am not an Arsenal supporter. A former neighbour of mine was actually cousins with Paul Merson who was playing for Aresenal at the time. He was at her house and I was invited to go and meet him. I decided to take the ball to get the ball more personalised. The conversation went as this:

ME: Is your signature on the ball?

PM: Um, I cant see it. Maybe I wasn't there when they bought it round.

ME: Do you recognise any of the signatures on there?

PM: Ummm.... a couple. That looks like wrighty's.

ME: I dont support Arsenal and I think that those are just scribbles.

PM: Ummmm.... Do you have any charlie?*

Fifth time: Named and shamed in the paper as being the brother of a criminal. I was not involved but still got mentioned.

My brother has been in the paper (not just in name but because of his exploits) more times than I have had hot dinners.......no I am not a tramp.

I cannot apologise for the length and girth as it is purely a true representation and you love it.

*last few words may not be true
(, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 14:58, Reply)

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