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This is a question Look! It's me in the Local Paper

Most local papers will print any old rubbish. Far, far too many years ago I got into the Windsor, Slough and Eton Express after winning a fancy-dressed-bicycle competition. What they neglected to mention was that I was the only entrant.

What sad stuff have you been in your local rag for doing? Scan stuff in and show us if you can.

(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 10:15)
Pages: Popular, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

This question is now closed.

Not me, but my baby sis
She was 14 or so at the time - she's a year and a half younger than me. (We come from South Africa.) Anyway, the national radio station, 5fm, had an under18 rave that was held at all the major cities. Tickets cost, like, a month's pocket money and planning of outfits, how to sneak in alcohol, etc. began months in advance.

Well, it was the second annual "MTNChirpparty" and my sister and I went in a big crowd of girls (all hoping to snag an unsuspecting lad or two) dressed to the nines and looking like precocious little slags, to be quite honest.

Now try to understand, these raves were the highlight of our then under18 years, with some 40 000 fellow juveniles, laser lights, big screens, local celebs, the works; Photographers going through the crowds all night, with kids everywhere hoping to feature on the radio station's website (note: most hit site in the coutry! www.5fm.co.za ; check it out!)...

My sister almost fell over when she was asked to be photographed, but due to our country's racially-loaded past (we won't go into that now) you understand, photographs had to represent more than one demographic. Cue My sis and her friend posing with to two indian guys, complete strangers.

We didn't think much of it, I even got a couple of photo's on the site myself, just my friends and I, though.

Imagine our confusion the next day when family and friends start calling us; "I didn't know Nikki had an indian boyfriend?" The photo was in the forking Sunday Times, quite large actually, with a close-up of Nikki and said stranger looking very cosy indeed! They made it look like they were together, but the caption provided the first time she even learnt his name. They didn't even spell her name right!


1st post!!! Whoooo!
Sorry so short.
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 11:13, Reply)
I was in the local paper...
for swimming stuff when I was 12. Had a lovely half page article, with picture. I have it scanned, but not on this computer.
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 9:22, Reply)
Two geezers, same name. Secret service.
I was an Industrial press Photographer in Saudi Arabia before it all went nasty. One day, buying a Pepsi from a street venders ice box, I noticed all these yanks removing 'puters and fax machines in haste from this building. Turned out the National Commercial Bank were quitting the site. I took a photo and gave it to the Finance Editor, who published it as he had nothing better.

Two days later I was arrested by the secret police, at gunpoint of course - and those bastards are gun happy and stupid too, the eyes converge y'see.

The building was owned by the Minister of Finance, and his son was an architect, who checked out the basement after the caretaker wouldn't stop bitching. Sure enough the bastard thing is a cheap shit job and is falling down. (Main vertical support beams are a crumbling, see?)

That's not the good bit.

By now my name is on the front cover with big photos and my name underneath. Chris Wheatley, Chief photographer, Saudi Gazette (me)

Trouble was there was a deputy branch manager in the bank based on the Gulf. (we are talking big f'ing banks here, 40 floor buildings)
He had the same name and had just been fired for 'conflict of interest'.

I had to prove to his boss and directors that I was a white english chap, whist he was a black New Yorker with an appaling accent and no idea how to take a decent photograph.

Trouble was his boss was a Texan Redneck and really didn't like the chaps complexion and wanted shot of him. I wasn't having that.

The Ministry of Information (Mis-Information we called it) pulled the subsequent follow up story and I ended up in deep shit with the Editor-in-Chief for have the same name as a wanking banker and got transferred to the Gulf. which is shitsville to the Saudis.

The bastard never invited me to dinner for saving his job either.
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 23:27, Reply)
Nothing really happens around here...
When i was about three months old i managed to get a half page spread in TWO papers with a massive photo of myself, just because i had (and sitll do have) a rare eye condition. Nothing much happens around here as you can tell.
Also during my time as an air cadet (decided my local squadron sucks so i left) at the rememberance day parade apparently a bunch of chavs were shouting e.t.c during the silence and at the cadets and visitors e.t.c which got the two front pages in the paper that week. Funnily enough i never saw any of this actually happen.... (everyone knows local papers are always making up s**t) although it was a good chance for the paper to make chavs look like flag-burning, non respecting anarchists.
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 22:08, Reply)
Alexandra park minimarathon
I was 10 and eager to participate cos I had nothing better to do other than play games on my zx spectrum, so my friend Tim and I headed off to Alexndra park to do the 'mini' marathon around the park.
Anyhow cut a long story short, I came 2 to last, only cos the guy behind me was about a million years old, and oh, i cheated by running around the flower gardens..
There I was proudly in the paper... 2nd to last.. What a triumph, i stuck to Daley Thompsons smash-the-fcuk out your keyboard after that..
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 20:57, Reply)
Oh the shame
At the age of about 10 I won a townwide talent competition playing memory from cats on the violin. A week later there I am on the front of the local paper, wearing a white roll neck top with the heaviest fringe you have ever seen and clutching the tackiest trophy. I really hope my mum hasn't still got the clipping cos is should never be seen!!
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 17:35, Reply)
sorry for a second post,but this is too darn funny..."not me but..."
this guy I went to school with,whose family own the shop over the road that shall be (for legal reasons) referred to here as "faggies" got into a bunch of papers after he took his photographs of British soldiers torturing iraqi prisoners to max spielmans in Tamworth...*cough* yeah, HIM. ha ha. what a moof.
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 16:15, Reply)
how the mighty have fallen
When I was six I was featured in the local rag at an anti-smoking campaign by the hospital my mom worked for. (my mom was a right-on activist in those days) There was this picture of me looking adorably sappy holding up a sign that says "don't make children breathe your smoke" and my mom is stood behind me looking so very proud. Twelve years later I smoke twenty a day. ahhh,life's little ironies....
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 15:59, Reply)
with regard to 'artistic roller skating'
if any of you have kids... for the love of god, if they're male and they take ballet lessons, never let them near the local rag's photographers.

being a boy, they will single the poor little bugger out in any photo - which will lead to several years of subsequent beatings.

character bulidiing. thats how i like to think of it.
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 15:41, Reply)
October 26th 2003
A friend and I managed to get on TV, radio and in the papers by spouting our opinions about the student demo against top up fees in London. We only managed it because our SU party turned up at UCL fairly early. I must hasten to add that our media coverage wasn't exactly national, the radio and newspapers were both from other unis. The tv stint however, was a bit more widespread so I cringe when I remember my mate saying we were there "for a laugh and to get into a ruck with the filth" when asked why we were so keen to participate.

While I'm about it I would like to point out that I also got my name into the [email protected] column in FHM in September 2003. They still haven't sent the £20 they owe me for that. Give me my 20 quid you bunch of cunts.
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 15:34, Reply)
IN the local paper? i AM the local paper
I'm the photo editor for a north london rag, so i have a hand in EVERY week's paper.... and its killing me!
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 15:17, Reply)
A sad story, but with an uplifting ending. Yay!
Twas December 24th, 1989, a date that probably won't live in infamy, but it really really should...
All of my familys' christmas presents got nicked from the back of our car by some thieving jock chav scumbag while we were parked outside my dad's friend's house in Edinburgh. To an 8 year old this was unquestionably the worst thing that could have happened to anyone in the universe, ever.
It was alright in the end though cos the local rag got to hear about it and sent two kindly (and probably very intrepid) reporters round to cover the story and they bought us presents! They restored my faith in the human spirit, which only a few hours earlier I had thought irreversibly tainted.
The picture itself is ace, me and my little brother had to pose in the back of the empty boot, with empty stockings draped folornly over our shoulders. My brother of course is gurning like a fool, slightly marring the message.
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 15:06, Reply)
Not really sad stuff...
but it depends on your outlook. I was photographed with John Craven after i entered a fancy dress competition he was judging in the early 80's. They had to catch me for the photo because as he was giving me some sort of runner up prize (a travesty, my Jiminy Cricket was a raving success) i cried in his face and ran away.

I was also snapped with with Darth Vader in the toy dept in Co-op around the same time. He was holding my little brother up in the air and i was poisoniously jealous of him for being the centre of attention as usual. My mum bought me Lando Calrissian to make up for it.

I was also snapped like a twat proudly showing off a model of HMS Belfast that i'd made out of toilet rolls. This was about the same time too. I was the darling of the local press.
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 14:36, Reply)
I created a viral game that went global. It was in the press, on the radio, and the television.
Problem was I work under an alias so no one believed it was me.

I also had to pose for a photo when our junior school headmaster's memorial garden got trashed.
The photographer told me to cry, but I couldn't so he forced me to think about sad things like my parents dying or my cat getting ran over.
The tears came flowing.

What a professional.
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 14:34, Reply)
yer moom
i got in the paper for drillin yer mam!!!1

yeah bitch, you know. lol/
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 14:06, Reply)
death by fruit and veg!
lol, i once saw a man go to jail because he killed a woman, his weapon was a cabbage and he also attacked the elderly with bananas, i laughed so much i nearly pissed myself until they said it ws my cousin!
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 12:58, Reply)
Sick Vandals Smear Shop With Hedgehog
After a rather debauched party in the local rugby club, myself & about 10 friends waited around to make sure all the ladeeez made it safely to their taxis. Unfortunately, upon entering the carpark one of the taxis ran over a hedgehog. What followed is nothing to be proud of, and something which I will put down to our inebriated state... we decided to play football with the poor little roadkill. It wasn't long before things got a little out of control, and the hog found its way on to the roof of a local carphone warehouse, and entrails were liberally scattered across a few parked cars.

A mildly crazy evening, but, as I am sure you will agree, nothing too out of the ordinary.

Come the following Monday, we were rather surprised to find our drunken antics had made front page of the Herts and Essex newspaper, under the headline.... sick vandals smear shop with hedgehog. There was even a £250 reward to find the culprits! The paper also speculated that it may have been the work of devil worshipers or witches. I still have a copy of that old paper.
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 12:02, Reply)
red nose day drag
When I was in the 6th form, one comic relief day a bunch of us chaps decided to express our feminine sides by dressing up in drag for the day for charity. Although come to think of it, I can't actually remember raising any money. Ah well.

Anyway, we're off to the bakery at lunchtime to purchase cream buns and pasties and whatnot followed by some G&Ts in the pub when a car screeches to a halt next to us and out jumps one of the local paper's photographers. "Can I take your picture for the paper lads?" But of course. We pose around thinking we'll be on page 23 under the usual "Small boy has bike stolen" story.

I think nothing of it until I get into work on Saturday and see the 1/4 front page picture splashed across it with my ugly mug staring out in drag...
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 11:27, Reply)
There's one of my sister posing topless with the other girls at her gymnastics class.
They are all under the age of six :\

I'm not sure how the Newham Recorder got away with that one. Or why my nan still has it in a frame in the front room.

For the sake of completeness, there's one of me with my face painted like a tiger when I myself was ickle, but I'm not named. Front page, though, complete spread.
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 11:26, Reply)
Theeeeeee WINNER!!
Won the Normanton half marathon (in some style I might add) - only trouble was the photographer wasn't ready for me.

Made me go back out of the sports ground and come back in again to (harummph) breast the tape. Bastard - I was well knackered.

What the article didn't say was there were only 3 others and a dog in the race, 2 on zimmers and 1 carrying an injury (1st time I beat brother-in-law mwahahaha) none of those being the dog btw, he got ermmm distracted by a bitch on heat.
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 10:28, Reply)
Chess Champion
I had my mention in the newspaper for becoming the Northumberland U18 Country Champion.

There were only 2 entrants, the other of which was half my grading level... we had to work out a way to make it look more convincing so out of 5 games, on the 3rd game (at 2-0), We agreed on a draw one move from me checkmating so that the scores would look more like a tough fight.
(Even got one of the games listed in the newspaper for people to follow, even thou we never actually played it, we just made it up afterwards, stealing the majority of it from a recent obscure grandmaster game so we'd look incredibly talented when people followed the game in the newspaper.)
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 10:27, Reply)
Oh good god what was I thinking of ...
I must have repressed this as it's only just come back to me.

I am male, that's important.

At the age of 13 I became regional artistic roller skating champion, and had my picture in the paper. Yes, I was wearing a big shirt and stupid black satin trousers.

Fortunately, teenage children are very understanding and I didn't get beaten up at school at all.

One of the above statements is untrue.
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 8:56, Reply)
Regarding the post about Lidl.... "Save ARE Store"
Surely that spelling at the top of the professionaly produced petition is a joke...

He's a MANAGER for god's sake. I WISH I could be a fly on the wall at Lidl Interviews, they must be priceless...
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 8:22, Reply)
Duck fame
My duck won Reserve Champion Bird of Show at a small country Ag Show, a feat of which I was immeasureably proud, having beaten the many and varied chickens, pigeons and waterfowl for the privilege. I was even prouder when a lady asked if she could interview me for the local newspaper! I even got my photo taken holding my duck. She was pretty sensational though. I also had a full page article done on me as a local out of work young person about 13 years ago, but this time in my local rag. I suspect my 15 minutes is now well and truly UP.
(, Tue 15 Feb 2005, 2:46, Reply)
... Miracle!
For making a Marshmallow Peep diorama with my youngest cousin of the hockey game featured in the movie 'Miracle'. I'm ever so ashamed. Ever try and paint Olympic jerseys on bunnies with a toothpick and icing?
(, Mon 14 Feb 2005, 21:33, Reply)
when i was a youngin
i was in the paper once a year, three times in a ropw, for doing a bike a thon. /was riding in one of those carriges that attach to the bike, w/e.\
(, Mon 14 Feb 2005, 21:23, Reply)
i should have been in the local paper...
Got really good GCSEs (6A*s 3As 2Bs woo) anyway, came 3rd in my school (i got beaten by a girl to 2nd by half a point).

That alone pissed me off (the other one took extra GCSEs).

Well, it turned out to be a good year for my school it seems and the local paper came round for photos etc. They took one of the top 5 girls, one of the top 5 boys and one with both. Guess which one made it into the paper...

And they spelt my name wrong, cnuts.
(, Mon 14 Feb 2005, 20:04, Reply)
Once again...
not me but...

What a...
(, Mon 14 Feb 2005, 18:08, Reply)
not me but...
...my girlfriend appeared on the front page of the "Lancashire Evening Post". Kim (on the left as u look at the photo), along with her friend, Kelly, escorted their flat mate to the doctors - who was then diagnosed with Meningitis and was in intensive care later that night. If they hadnt have done that "glass on the rash" test - things would have been different...

... we all had to have an antibiotic which turned our urine bright orange - the same colour as IRN BRU.... you can imaging the looks we got at the night clubs urinals that night!
(, Mon 14 Feb 2005, 17:14, Reply)
I had the misfortune of being harrased by a Guardian Hack......
One nite while on the piss in Camden, london. He was doing a section in the weekend mag call "we Love Each Other" and as i was with the missus at the time we sat and gave a half arsed interview about how we met etc. They then sent a photographer round to the house which took all day (was major pissed caus i missed the footie), only to find that when it was printed it was only half a paragraph and made me sound like a right cunt. Not happy.
(, Mon 14 Feb 2005, 16:09, Reply)

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