Not me but my little brother
My brother was in the local paper for being banned from our local pub when he was about 4. He threw a crab apple at me which missed and made a tiny crack right in the corner of the pub's window.

Somehow the paper's report turned this into him throwing a stone at the window and breaking it. When the photographer came to take his picture they got a kitkat and smeared the chocolate all over his face. For some reason.

edit: Forgot to mention that the crack was still there 15+ years on, and my brother now spends his holidays working in the pub.
(MyNameIsClare, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 17:33, Reply)

Sports Relief
A colleague of mine at the primary school where I teach organised Sports Relief. We linked all our lessons for a day with Sports and charity work. I am sort of in charge of public relations so I rang the local rag and explained all the exciting "fund raising" and "cross curricular" activities that my colleague Miss B had organised. We emailed a fantastic colour picture (taken with my 5MP camera) of eight kids and Miss B in full sporting gear and each child's name and the sports star they were playing.

The final article appeared with the picture in black and white, the size of a postage stamp and beneath it; "XXX school held a fund raising day for Sports Relief. Mr Smith said 'It was very good.'"

What mastery and dextrous use of the English language I appeared to have. Thank you so much, Gazette.
(gibletwarrior, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 17:15, Reply)

Look, people are buying a dream book I wrote
I wrote a book on my dreams for the last 10 years and made a website in the knowledge that people would want to read all bout my dreams of sex, killing and both at the same time.
After 6 months, I have sold 150 copies - amazing how gullible people can be....

I also made it into the local rag, the Press and Journal and had a full page dedicated to the book....

www.thisisnorthscotland.co.uk/displayNode.jsp?nodeId=149485&command=displayContent&sourceNode=149233&contentPK=11534203&moduleName=InternalSearch&keyword=pollock%20dreams&formname=sidebarsearch


www.kevingjpollock.co.uk
(kevsbald, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 17:08, Reply)

Guardian Weekend
I sent a late night, irate and shambling email to the Guardian one evening - only to be shocked when it was printed in the letters section of Weekend magazine in the next edition.

It was about killing old ladies, and that.
(ProudClod, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 17:03, Reply)

Caught out spectacularly
When I was a kid, we lived near Newcastle and for two years running we had a go at the Great North Bike Ride. It's 30 miles with a bloody great big steep hill in the middle of it. Most people walk up said hill, rather than attempt to cycle. But not my brother, or so he claimed. "I rode all the way up," he said for weeks after the 'event'. Then, one night the local rag publish a pull-out 'special' of the Great North Sporting Festival. Front page photo is of cyclists WALKING their bikes up the hill. And who is that? Oh, that would be my brother too.
(Weatherwax, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 16:45, Reply)

not strictly the same but.
my dad was reading the local paper a while ago and saw an big article on this guy who had killed his family and himself one evening. my dad very calmly fold up the paper and goes " i used to go to school with that kid. he was a right wanker."

understatement i think
(Le mango, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 15:54, Reply)

Front page.
When I was awee little thing, my school had an assembly where one of the teacher's husbands came in and did a mime show for us. Then he picked me out of the audience to help him out. We both had to make a tiger face.

That Wednesday, it was on the front page of the local paper, and everyone I kn ow ran out to get a copy of my cute little tiger face.

More recently, my hands (holding a Virgin Mary candle) made the front page of the paper on New Years Day for the war protest vigil I had been a part of the night before.
(pk, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 15:47, Reply)

i was in the paper a couple of times
because our schools did something called bookweek, in which we all dressed up as characters from many different works of fiction.....oh the joy. anyway, i dressed up as a mermaid and what my mother neglected to tell me was that mermaids find it hard to walk. so i spent half the day falling over. but they decided that my costume was the best IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL (!) so i was on the front page. i got a taste for my fame and i was so pissed of when a girl dressed up as Babe the pig and won the next year i got really upset...so naturally i laughed when this crossed eyed girl called laura broke her nose.

ha
(Le mango, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 15:44, Reply)

Routing through the family scrap books the other day
I found a cutting from the "prestwich and whitefield guide" in bury. I was quoted in the first article on 'school spotlight'. When asked "What do you like about your headteacher?", i replied "He's very organised and quite funny. He takes time to listen to you and knows when to say the right things at the right time". There's also a picture of the class, and me in the corner with nasty specs and the wrong uniform.
(The Disillusioned Starburst, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 15:00, Reply)

I have been in the local rag many many a time
The first time would have been when I was about 6 or 7 when the pikey estate I was living on at the time had a fun fair. I was pictured with a donkey along with my brother. The second time I would have been about 12. This was embarrasing as at that time the council was pissed off at me and my brother and claimed we had broken a wooden fence by kicking a ball repeatdly against it. That was a load of sweaty sack. We were kids! We couldn't kick a ball that hard! And, we didn't even play football anywhere near this broken fence EVER! Anyway, someone read about this in the local rag and proceeded to show everyone at school this front page. I wanted to die.

Third time was when I was 13 and meet Rod Hull at the opening of Pet World in Cricklewood. I am in a photo with my back turned to the camera. At the time I was embarrased by this, but now I feel honoured and blessed.

Fourth time: I was 14 and won a signed Arsenal football competition that was running in the paper. However, the signatures looked dubious and I am not an Arsenal supporter. A former neighbour of mine was actually cousins with Paul Merson who was playing for Aresenal at the time. He was at her house and I was invited to go and meet him. I decided to take the ball to get the ball more personalised. The conversation went as this:

ME: Is your signature on the ball?

PM: Um, I cant see it. Maybe I wasn't there when they bought it round.

ME: Do you recognise any of the signatures on there?

PM: Ummm.... a couple. That looks like wrighty's.

ME: I dont support Arsenal and I think that those are just scribbles.

PM: Ummmm.... Do you have any charlie?*

Fifth time: Named and shamed in the paper as being the brother of a criminal. I was not involved but still got mentioned.

My brother has been in the paper (not just in name but because of his exploits) more times than I have had hot dinners.......no I am not a tramp.

I cannot apologise for the length and girth as it is purely a true representation and you love it.

*last few words may not be true
(Clivicus, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 14:58, Reply)

Not me but...
a mate (my former boss infact) once took a pan lid, covered it in tin foil, suspended it from a tree by fishing line and took an out-of-focus photo of it.

Its been in a few local papers, featured on TV, and I quote:

"it could be one of the most important [UFO photos] ever to be taken in the past 50 years..."

The reason it's so important is that it strongly resembles a couple of other well known UFO photos

"...It will mean that the same or similar object has not only been seen, but also photographed in three different Countries, in a space of 50 years. It could mean that someone on Earth has disc technology that works, or dare it be said, someone from elsewhere."

I guess people have had pan lids and fishing line for a while.
(Arnolfini wasn't feeling very funny on, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 14:52, Reply)

Fruity Mayor
While in University I happened to be in the local paper dressed as Sporty Spice with the Mayor standing next to me (organising college event required the outfit).

What most readers wouldn't guess is that my pastered on smile hides the fact that the Mayor is squeezing my bum.

My mum has this picture framed on the mantle piece - I cannot bring myself to tell her.
(droopy, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 14:18, Reply)

It's all Lies I tell you...........
In the past few years I have had stuffed printed about me which was a mixture of fact, fiction, and sheer bloody lies. Be warned, whenever you go to court to give evidence there will be there, sitting in the shadows no doubt, some clapped-out, dead-end Charlie of a journalist scribbling his Pitman's onto a pad and then creating a farcical result to which there is no reply, no response possible.

Take comfort, m'dears, that today's news papers are tomorrow's fish and chip papers. Time passes, and folks forget - but the internet - and Google, dammit, they hang onto it all for years and years and years. And if there is any comfort - you guys who seek immortality - you may appear in a Legal book, jurisprudence, case histories and the like. Pfft!
( drjames, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 14:01, Reply)

real intellectual.
My high school was so ghetto and crappy that the local paper did a story about me and a couple of my friends getting into university. Luckily for our respective unis, the ghetto skillz we learned in school still live on in our manner and work.
(The 3rd Duchess of Spank, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 13:48, Reply)

Few years ago...
When Leeds Utd were top of Football Premier division, and Cardiff City were somewhere in division two, Leeds united lost to Cardiff 2-1 in the FA Cup, which lead to some of the worst football violence in history, myself being a Cardiff fan being pushed into the centre of it at the age of 14. Anyway, next day on the front of a popular national paper was a rather ugly picture of myself under the headline of "Football Thugs Disgrace Cardiff Victory"

5 minutes of fame until i had police calling round my house attempting to ban me for life from future football matches. Loosers... Im going this saturday to Cardiff vs Brighton... Woo!
(Watermelons, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 13:46, Reply)

Well, my bear...
I got in the Independent on Sunday in 2003! w00t! My parents were on holiday, I was bored, so I made a leaf hat for my bear. Posing 'Grizzabet' for the picture in the garden, it never occurred to me that Captain Moonlight would print the thing. Naturally I forgot all about it until my parents descended on me two weeks later with the paper in their hands. They seemed weirdly proud...
(Skittlemcfluff ......................, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 13:44, Reply)

The Poop
One day, whilst out walking the dog, my Mum was approached by a stranger with a camera. He turned out to be a reporter from our local rag who was doing a story on the lovely new Poop Scoop bins. My Mother, being the kindly soul that she is, was happy to help him in his quest for cutting-edge news reporting. Consequently, to my horror, there on page 5 of the edition on the following evening was a big picture of my Mum holding an enormous dog turd in a plastic bag and standing next to a poop-scoop bin. I was about 14 at the time, and it really didn't do much for what little street-cred I had.
Unsurprisingly we didn't keep a copy of that one.
(EnvelopeTelepathy, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 12:58, Reply)

Hit Single In Liechtenstein
My band had a number 19 hit in Liechtenstein. Look, here's the fax our friend in Vaduz sent us, with the pop charts from the local paper. Number 19. Wow. What's that Mr Local Paper Journalist? A photo shoot? Yes of course. Oh by the way we've got a new album out.

We made page five, between a story about an axe murderer and a crazed gunman. And the fax? *cough* photoshop *cough*. And the pop chart? *cough* der spiegel *cough* scanner *cough* photoshop...

Spacedman, putting photoshop skills into real life use since 1998
(spacedman, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 12:54, Reply)

No
photos, sadly, but my entire English 'O' level class (at a supposedly posh school) made the local papers over some amateur dramatics-related pranks. Our class got sent to see some hopeless amateur company putting on one of the plays we were doing, but thanks to the hilarious workings of rotas, the two most ineffectual teachers in the school got sent to oversee the most frightening classes in the year. Cue much heckling from the stalls and general rowdiness... which eventually built up to firecrackers being thrown on the stage (this was Belfast in the mid-80s, and one of the cast of the play was a judge, whose armed bodyguards were presumably gibbering wrecks by the end of things) and parts of the lighting rig being torn down during the performance. Not only did it make the papers, our school got banned from every theatre in Belfast as a result...

Apologies for radius.
(Wong Fei-Hung - now with added flickr.com (see profile), Fri 11 Feb 2005, 12:52, Reply)

Nuneaton Eviening News
I was in my local paper and the next town on, Coventry Evening post, i worked in a butchers shop and it was a gimmic and well as free advertisement and cheaper to send me out on a bike with a basket to deliver meat stuff.
Soon ended when i crashed into the back of some tossers car costing £195 quids worth of damage, well i was looking at some girls ass at the time.
(funkie, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 12:40, Reply)

totally tropical!
Initially told it would be shot with black & white film, I recieved my copy of the alumni magazine (complete with the only graduation photo of me as i boycotted the ceremony)and lo and behold, there's my head right in the middle with lovely 'tropical green' hair...

I recieved a stern Email from my tutor, but who gives a monkeys, I had scarpered off home by then.
(chesty, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 12:39, Reply)

Get your driving gloves out
My father, or "The Ledge" as my friends like to call him (they see him as a demi-God), was in the local papers. It all happened on a summer night. He was out on the razz and after much pintage decided to go home. So he climbed into his car, drink driving back in his day [preceding "The day"] was perfectably acceptable, and started back to his abode. As he was traveling along at some absurd speed in his sports car, another car came up to speed with him. "Want a race huh? YOU GOT IT!" says my father. So down goes his foot and these two cars are battling it out down the motorway. The other car eventually bowed down to his superior racing skills so my father slows down himself, gets out the car and goes to congratulate the driver on a well fought race.

He always tells me that they weren't very sportsman like and took the loss quite badly. But I often hear cops are sore losers.
(bunny_333, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 12:26, Reply)

Oh yeh
I was also photographed for various local rags in Bristol, flying a kite with Timmy Mallet.
And then the whole shameful episode was shown on Wac-a-day.

Not forgetting the time I was photographed in a giant Weetabix outfit - I was 'Dunk'. (They ran an ad campaign in the 80s, with Weetabix characters - anyone remember that?)
(darfbozo, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 12:18, Reply)

Oh the shame
I was photographed by the Henley Standard as a youth, promoting membership for our Air Cadet squadron. "Join the Spacers - you'll look dead hard and we even let you have GUNS!" It was this: aces.

They put me on the front page, wearing an RAF pilot's helmet, sitting in an old ejector seat out of a Canberra bomber and pretending to pull the release cord. It was the whole "Up up and away, tally ho chaps" full nine yards, and frankly, I looked as nails.

Open up the paper, however, and on page three they had a similar sized picture of some cerebral palsy kid denied a head-dobber by the NHS. He had been photographed in his electric wheelchair, belming away in EXACTLY the same pose as my front page masterpiece, right down to the protective headgear. The bastards.

Fuck me, there were some letters in the following week's edition. I believe I was labeled "an arrogant gun-toting crypto-fascist" by some of the more sensitive readers. Some people still think I might be related to Joey Deacon.

No photos, I'm afraid, as I have made it my life's work to track down and destroy every last copy.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 12:14, Reply)

Treason!
Years ago, my Mum's friend asked if I could do some work on the town's Coat of Arms. This old duffer had discovered that the coat of arms was probably incorrect and asked me to create a new one with the missing heraldic items (lion rampant, etc) on it. Once done, it went in the local rag and the council commissioned a bloke to re-do the signs on the outskirts of town. Then the shit hit the fan. The local historic society (yes really) went nuts as they had conflicting proof that the current one was right. The local rag was full of cross old people arguing for weeks. Finally, the Queen's Heraldic experts got involved and threatened legal action if the Town attempted to change the Coat of Arms. At this point I stopped chuckling and adopted a low profile.
My Dad suggested we crept out at night and stuck large copies of my new design over the town's welcome signs. But I was too chicken to do it.
I'll dig the articles out when i get home and try and post them.
(darfbozo, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 12:08, Reply)

A few..
Our local rag is brilliant, they will take just about any story. We've had a few in there, the best were a publicity one for my mates internet cafe, that said there was going to be an art exhibition by a french artist called Gus something-or-other, and the picture of him was just a photoshopped picture of our mate Ken.

We also fed them a series of bullshit about sightings of a 'big cat' in the car park of the local sainsburies.

The best though, was when me and my mate Dan set up a parody website of our local rags website, their website is midsussextimes.co.uk, we set up midsussextimes.net, with loads of stupid news stories, but we weren't even subtle with it, we just ripped their code off and changed the text. After about a week we got a cease and dissist letter, which we were bloody proud of!
(Jon Norris, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 12:07, Reply)

'Sultry Sally'
My mum was in the local Basildon paper when she was about 16 after they printed some modelling photos of hers under the headline "Sultry Sally" and made constant references to her, er, sultryness.

She reckons the worst part wasn't the mocking from her mates, but rather several weeks after when they bought some chips and found them to be wrapped in the double page spread that the Sultry Sally article appeared on.
(scoob666 Ain't Nuthin' Ta F' Wit, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 11:44, Reply)

Evil Bastard now lives in cov
Yep thats me..
I don't think you're tallaght or Bert..
And I still see shauna so you're not her.

You're gonna have to give me a better clue or tell me.

email us mate.. [email protected]
(Capt_Carl, Fri 11 Feb 2005, 11:42, Reply)

Many A Time
My first appearance in he local paper was when i won a beautiful baby contest in 1982.
My next few appearances were with my primary school football team because we kept winning things.
Then things got better, i hit the national sunday papers - the people, mail on sunday, news of the world i can definately remember. Anyway it was when Gary Linekers kid had cancer. Spurs were playing at Highbury and i was in the junior gunners section with my mates. A brother and sister had made a moleste banner wishing Linekers kid all the best and were right at the front. As usual me and my friends pushed to the front to get the best view. Unknowingly to us we was behind said banner. All of a sudden a photographer asked me if the banner was mine. yep was my answer. So there i was back page of the sunday papers, praised for my generous spirit proving how love and goodness can conquer local football rivalry. I am front centre looking retarded with my bowl head hair cut and putting my thumb up while the makers were out of focus back left.
These days i get paid to appear in crappy teenage girly magazines making some daft poses but oh well. Also 'starred' in a few great advertisements that i would rather forget.
My highlights though are going to film premieres (having ticket or blagging) and walking up the red carpet having hundreds of pictures taken of me, without the fools realing who i am not. I have been snapped with some pretty cool people too. Hooray for free alcohol and silly food though.

Edit: Just remembered I was also in top of the pops magazine, because i used to go out with Alison Potter from that shite girl band Vanilla.
( MagicallyInept Bored Sig., Fri 11 Feb 2005, 11:36, Reply)