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This is a question Look! It's me in the Local Paper

Most local papers will print any old rubbish. Far, far too many years ago I got into the Windsor, Slough and Eton Express after winning a fancy-dressed-bicycle competition. What they neglected to mention was that I was the only entrant.

What sad stuff have you been in your local rag for doing? Scan stuff in and show us if you can.

(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 10:15)
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This question is now closed.

frontpage rebel & adultery.
1) the government thought at that time (end 80s)that education in my home country is going down the drain and therefore decided to tighten the screws on the curriculum. a bit. really not very much at all. but spoilt brats we were. we rallied through the city centre in our hundreds chanting abuse at the bastard politicians. came up to a school where pupils were locked in so they could not join in. cue us being real rebels and "stroming" the school by climbing over the fences. don't ask. i don't know why either.

next days local newspaper showed a picture of me on top of the fence - caught red handed so to say. front page.

so i was running though school being a proud twat and showing everyone the pic, even to my chemistry teacher who would be described in the uk as a tory tosser.

never got anything better than a d in chemistry after that. didn't like it anyway.

2) not me but a mate had a big photo of kissing a lass in the park with a caption along the lines of "romance in the park, spring is here". unfortunately she was not his g/f. who wasn't impressed.

if this was too long for you you would not be reading this anyway.
(, Mon 14 Feb 2005, 13:56, Reply)
Once, my cat got shot with an airgun. Dad was so enraged at having to fork out £700 on repairs that he demanded they did an article in the local paper to see if anyone knew anything. Of course, they needed a picture. I didn't realise how many people knew me until I had to pose (one day before having all four wisdom teeth out and looking like Les Dawson) with the cat with a lampshade round her neck...Mind you, the other time I was in the local I was dressed as a UFO so, maybe I get off on it or something.
(, Mon 14 Feb 2005, 13:53, Reply)
Some friends and I set fire to
some gorse bushes on a hillside near our homes when we were about 15. We then put the blaze out (it got quite big quite quickly), lied about seeing some boys running away from thee scene, and got a photo and story in the local paper, together with a certificate of commendation from the fire chief and an offer of compensation for singed clothing from the community association. We declined the money but accepted the praise. /shameful
(, Mon 14 Feb 2005, 13:39, Reply)
Not me But..
An ex of mine, got into the local papers and the sun (woo hoo)he won a free bag of crisps in one of those walkers blue packet thingies, anyhoo, he thought it wud be funny to replace the free bag of crisps with a token saying the finder had won £10,000, Can you see where this is going!! he worked at the tuck shop in school and after he and his accomplises carefully resealed the packets he sold them at lunchtime, some poor bastard first year found the pack and starts going mental! the school lock the 'winning' ticket in the school safe and the boys parents were called, big hoo har, even bigger when it was realised that it was a hoax!
(, Mon 14 Feb 2005, 13:08, Reply)
i've been in the paper a few times but never for anything interesting enough to become an anecdote for an internet messageboard.
i'm always apologising for length & girth etc...
(, Mon 14 Feb 2005, 12:57, Reply)
Not me but...
My teeny-bopper Gothpunkskater sister riding around on a kiddy preschooler merry-go-round deal . What clinched it was the vacant expression she had when the photo was taken.

She'd have been mortified if the paper had more than five readers, of which one's a recluse and the other four are blind.
(, Mon 14 Feb 2005, 10:41, Reply)
Evening Chronicle: Have Your Say
This very morning I have been asked my opinion for the 'Have Your Say' page for the Newcastle Evening Chronicle. For the third time in a year.

For the record, the three things I've been asked to give my opinion on were:

1. Tony Blair ('He doesn't listen to the people here enough')
2. A care worker being put in jail for stealing money from the elderly ('A bit harsh but she should pay the money back')
3. The Labour conference being held at the Sage - TBA

Worryingly, they take headshots for the page too - the previous two times I have managed to look like a lesbian and then a constipated elderly man.

Can't wait for tonight!
(, Mon 14 Feb 2005, 10:38, Reply)
A nice cup of tea
Aged around 12 our class was drafted in to serve lunch to the residents of the local old people's home. The local paper printed a full page spread of pictures, including me with a cheesy grin serving a pot of tea to some semile old biddy. Shame they spelt my name wrong and put the caption on the wrong picture.

Oh, and my gran got a halfpage story about her houseplant that survived 20 years being fed on only dregs of cold tea. It was a slow news day.
(, Mon 14 Feb 2005, 10:27, Reply)
Every year our street used to flood. Now, for years the council thought this was due to drainage problems on the fields under the nearby bridge and proceeded to spend 500,000 pounds digging drainage ditches and wier type structures. It was in reality due to the fact that after any heavy rain my brother and his mates used to simply block the original drainage hole with junk.
Anyway back to the newspaper thing, my proud brother got his photo in the local rag sitting in his canoe in three feet of water with the road sign just poking above the water.
The name of our road:
"Lake Road"
(, Mon 14 Feb 2005, 10:10, Reply)
One day while waiting for the train I pulled a stray pup out of a creek, then had the clever idea of telling the local rag about it so that said pup could find a home.
Next day the l.r has an article about local man "heroically" battling nettles and freezing water to rescue drowning dog.
Immense and unrelenting piss-taking from neighbours ensues.
Thankyou Dunfermline Press you bunch of twunts.
(, Mon 14 Feb 2005, 2:04, Reply)
Awful photos
I appeared in my local paper looking like a total moose on several occasions:

1) When playing "sexy" (ahem) nurse / chorus girl in O!What A Lovely War! at school. I'm not the thinnest of people so the locals of Stourbridge and the surrounding area were treated to a view of my ample thighs, arse and boobs in fishnet tights, leotard and frock coat. Got the piss taken out of me for weeks. Yuk.
2) When I got into Oxford, I had to have a dumb picture taken in the library pretending to look studious so hence looked a complete twat.
3) I was interviewed on Central News as well, when our Brownie pack was conned into collecting bar codes off stuff to pay for dialysis machines. Cue me in horrendous Brownie uniform, booming in a Brummie whine "We collected bar codes of stuff loike Kitekat (???) and that, yeahhhhhh". Oh the ignominy...
(, Mon 14 Feb 2005, 0:55, Reply)
Cub scout. Aged about 9 and a precocious little twat. Photographed by the local rag at the cubs' hallowe'en barbecue with some other precocious little twats holding a string of sausages. I thought It'd be good to put one in my mouth.

Next week a full council investigation into whether food safety regs had been broken. Shame really, as my dad was the scout master.
(, Sun 13 Feb 2005, 23:44, Reply)
Not me
but my dad. He's part of a verrrrrry left-wing socialist group and stood for election in our constituancy in 1997 (when I was 14). Local paper interviewed him, etc., etc. Which was mentioned in a school assembly as he was on the board of governers. Worst part of it was the posters of his mug everywhere. They looked like those wild west reward posters. Scarred for life.
(, Sun 13 Feb 2005, 22:57, Reply)
Dizzy heights....
So many moons ago, back in 1987 in fact we had that 'Great Storm' (TM) thing. And as a young whippersnapper I had a paperround, as indeed you do at that age. So, I'm delivering to the last house on the (slightly posh) estate and as I sticks the Daily Telegraph through the door, a couple of roof tiles fall from the roof, one of which catches me a glancing blow on the head which unsurprising hurt like a bastard. So I wanders home and tells parents who immediately whisk me off to hospital for an investigating. Meanwhile, damn newsagent gets on the phone t'local paper who send some tatty reporter round to take a picture. Ended up on the front page of the Lancashire Evening Telegraph. The shame. Mind you, report made out like I was some kind of hero, which was nice...
(, Sun 13 Feb 2005, 21:21, Reply)
How shite is my local?
The local paper of the pissant Suffolk town I was about to leave (some years ago now) reported the break-in that happened at my house on my last week there. The "report" was all of three short sentences, and they even managed to get my first name completely wrong. Useless fucking cunts.
(, Sun 13 Feb 2005, 20:32, Reply)
3ish memorable times
1 - dressed up in some kind of may queen attire aboard a tacky float for an easter carnival. i was the envy of all the other girls under 10...

2 - being mary in the nativity. lovely pic of joseph, myself and our little baby jesus. the young lad playing mary's extremely gullible hubbie was my ex-boyfriend and had been sick five minutes before we went on.

3 - a group of us were in it for getting into rather posh universities. yay us!

oh, and not sure if this counts, but one of me and my friend engaging in some, er, poledancing at a local dive. we did it for the free champagne! thankfully our faces were blacked out. but we were held up as examples of irresponsible, under-age drinking slappers. bless us. we were fifteen. should local newspaper photographers really have been there?

length. sorry. very.
(, Sun 13 Feb 2005, 20:05, Reply)
Makes me well up with pride thinking about it...
i got a mention in the local paper for entering the Bognor Horticultural Show to make something out of vegetables. i made R2D2 from Star Wars using just a potato, carrot sticks and some cloves. i didnt win, but i got a lovely piece of card with 'highly commended' on it. BAH!
(, Sun 13 Feb 2005, 19:26, Reply)
Underage drinkers?
When I was 14 some friends and I came out of the cinema on a Friday evening at about 10:30 where two men with a camera asked us to pull our most dazed out "Wayne's World" look. Come Monday morning where our local paper has the pictures of me and my mates looking rather stupid with the headline UNDERAGE DRINKERS ON THE UP. Cue me holding legendary status in my high school for my remaining years, and getting a roasting off the ol' man.
(, Sun 13 Feb 2005, 18:00, Reply)
Saltwood maple tree
My parents and I moved from Oshawa, Ontario and lived in Saltwood, Kent in 1973. I was eleven at the time. Before we moved back to Canada my Dad donated a 15ft sugar maple tree to the village. It was both a thank-you to Saltwood and a memorial to the Canadian forces who served in England in two world wars. This picture was in the Folkestone Herald And Gazette. The Mayor of Hythe, Chris Capon is to the left, and to the right is my Mum, Dad and me at the back.
(, Sun 13 Feb 2005, 17:24, Reply)
bet that you never got a full-page colour picture for winning a beautiful toddler contest :)
(, Sun 13 Feb 2005, 13:32, Reply)
budgie seeds
Some nice policemen took away some large plants I'd grown and took me to court, I claimed that the family budgie had thrown some seeds out of his cage and they'd grown in some adjacent flowerpots, next day local paper headlines with "local man grows dope from birdseed" the local pet shop owner bought me drinks all weekend, he'd never had a busier week selling seed!
(, Sun 13 Feb 2005, 12:20, Reply)
Fishing Lures in my Arse
I was in a fishing tournament with a friend of mine and while changing lures..threw the previous lure on the seat. Not thinking, I sat down..and the lure ended up embedded in my right arse cheek.

Not wanting to lose the tournament (as we were catching many fish), my friend dropped me off at shore and I painfully walked to my car..and drove myself (sitting on one arse cheek) to the local emergency room.

They took the lure out of my arse..put in stiches..and handed me back my expensive lure.

While walking back to my car..I ran into a friend visiting a family member. We laughed about my little "incident" as we walked to my car and I threw the lure onto my car seat. We continued to chat for a bit..and as I got into my car..I sat on the lure yet again...and it embedded itself into my other arse cheek.

As I limped back into the emergency room, my friend was laughing so hard he could barely contain himself..yet he had the energy to run to his car, grab his camera and took a picture of me limping back to the emergency room... fishhead lure hanging our of my arse..and posted it in the local paper!!
(, Sun 13 Feb 2005, 7:28, Reply)
Ski Norge
We got in the local paper in Stranda, Norway for camping at the bottom of the piste on account of being too tight to pay for a hotel. Cue picture of 10 unwashed idiot Brits grinning in the snow.

Not quite sure what the paper's Norwegian readers made of that one.
(, Sun 13 Feb 2005, 0:57, Reply)
Oh no, not again...
I was in the local paper more times than I can honestly remember, and it was always the same photographer, an old creepy guy. Nothing very exciting happens round our way obviously. Mostly it was things the school had made me do. Here are a few shining examples:

- Sitting in a hip bath aged six wearing Victorian clothes with a lad from my year because it was Victorian Day or something

- Dressed as the Wicked Witch of the West and pulling an evil face for the school's production of the Wizard of Oz

- Maypole dancing

- Languages Day - I will admit I didn't mind this one as I was wearing an identical costume to a girl in my year who really loved herself (French maid, for the record). You can see how angry she is about having her thunder stolen in her evil slitty eyes. Petty, moi?

The supreme irony is the paper took me on for work experience when I was 16.
(, Sat 12 Feb 2005, 23:14, Reply)
when i was in sixth form about 4 years ago, me and 2 mates decided it would be funny to join the drama club, to get to know the 'tasty bitches'
got dragged into doing some concert, which raised £2000 and ended up with me, and the group, on the centerfold, in a bright yellow t-shirt, dancing to grease! then again 2 days later handing the cheque to cancer research. raising the money was actually one of my proudest moments, being called a 'fucking ponce' for a year was just bearable!
(, Sat 12 Feb 2005, 18:04, Reply)
I shot the sheriff
but I didn't shoot the deputy.

But they only gave me a couple of paragraphs on page 17.
(, Sat 12 Feb 2005, 16:35, Reply)
my dad is the photographer for the local paper
so, when I was smaller and when he was lazy and no news was going on, he'd take a pic of me and slap some crappy caption on. One is of me standing in the garden staring in awe at a daisy and poking it. There was also one of me running around a field with my dog, and I believe there was one of me hanging upside down from my swingset. They've got a rule now, no pics of your family. But that doesn't apply to cats, so as a matter of fact there's a second page pic of my cat standing in a tree in Thursday's paper.
(, Sat 12 Feb 2005, 16:00, Reply)
Nearly and possibly...
Last year when I was going my GCSE's I worked in my schools library and the library was getting some kind of award and they wanted some of the library moniters to pose for a photo. But I had a cold and looked like crap so even though the teacher tried to persuade me to come I refused! No way I was having my photo taken looking like Jade Goody!!
Also when I was 5 my mum says that for my primary school's centenary either me or my sister (she can't remember,we're twins you see) was in the local paper posing for a photo with something to do with it, I don't remember this though.
(, Sat 12 Feb 2005, 14:30, Reply)
South Wales Echo
me and my brother, aged 7 and 8 holding a stillborn siamese piglet corpse, smiling.
I had to hold the cold umbilical cord and hide it behind the piggy corpse.
*shivers in horror*
(, Sat 12 Feb 2005, 13:54, Reply)
I was about 6-7.
Not sure, but the foundations for team valley post office head quarters were being laid.
As an educational trip or something, my school picked 8 people to come along from my class, by random, from a hat. I was first picked. Ha.
Anyway, got there, got sort of lost, got picked up by some random contractor and put right next to Jet from the gladiators! Next thing my picture was in the newspaper, me standing a little confused but pretty damn happy next to Jet, and everyone in my class hated me.
(, Sat 12 Feb 2005, 13:11, Reply)

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