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This is a question Look! It's me in the Local Paper

Most local papers will print any old rubbish. Far, far too many years ago I got into the Windsor, Slough and Eton Express after winning a fancy-dressed-bicycle competition. What they neglected to mention was that I was the only entrant.

What sad stuff have you been in your local rag for doing? Scan stuff in and show us if you can.

(, Thu 10 Feb 2005, 10:15)
Pages: Popular, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

This question is now closed.

Brighton's Evening Argus...
A few years ago, my sixth form college had a charity event where we raised all of about £1200 for the Royal Alexandra Children's Hospital in Brighton. Anyway, Mike and the Mechanics where playing in town that night and the hospitals' PR person managed to arrange for us to get Mike Rutherford (The 'Mike' who hangs around with his mechanics, for those who have taste) to hand the cheque over for us. As I was part of the team who organised the event, I had to be there. The photographer for the Argus took the worst possible picture of me (we didn't have a lot of money at the time and my hair was awful) ever, and it got printed. As far as I'm aware, the picture is still in the year head's office to this day..

Oh, and Mr Rutherford thought I was a girl and tried to give me a kiss with all the other girls who had to come along. He realised, fortunately, before it was too late!

(And if anyone knows about the Argus I call it the Brighton Evening Argus cos it doesn't print anything about the rest of the county!)
(, Thu 17 Feb 2005, 13:46, Reply)
I was on the FRONT COVER of the legendary SALISBURY EVENING NEWS mid-stagedive at Napalm Death 'back in the day'.

Around the same time as the picture was taken the friend I was with was throwing up the flask of mixed spirits he'd nicked from his parents' drinks cabinet all over the mixing desk.
(, Thu 17 Feb 2005, 10:41, Reply)
College Prospectus
I was at art college,and the pursuit of naught but getting wankered and sleeping late was all that was on my mind. The tutor decided that he'd had enough of this as only about two people were regularly turning up, so called all of us in for a severe talking to. As we sat there all a bit shame faced getting a bollocking, a photographer appeared and started taking pictures. I tried to ignore him and look as if I cared deeply about turning up for college and try to appear as mournful as possible.

Three weeks or so later I am in the college prospectus. TWICE. One of them a gurt big half page picture. Doh! They thought I was a good representation of the college? Oh deary doo.

(off topic)
My favourite ever news article was in our local paper, and went something like this:

'Local man Keith Row went to get his daily pint and was surprised to find it half drunk!
"It's like someone drank half of it, then put it back on my doorstep"'

I'm surprised that didn't make the front page.
(, Thu 17 Feb 2005, 10:05, Reply)
Britain's Ugliest Child
I once had reporters come to my house from both the Woking Review and the Woking Informer (I think a few nationals as well, but my mum wouldn't let me look at the Sun because she was afraid I might freak out if I saw some tits). I was 7 years old. My brother had just won a newspaper essay competition run by the Happy Eater chain of restaurants, and the whole family attended this food tasting session. I was losing my milk teeth at the time and I was hanging around the back of the group with a big grin on my face (probably due to the free food). Somebody there spotted my ugly, gap toothed face, and invited me into "Britain's Broadest Smile" competition. I reached the final, hence all the publicity shots in the local rags. I remember the day very well - somebody got out a tape measure and measured my smile, but unfortunately my adult teeth had grown by that time, and all the charm had just seeped away. They made some fatuous statement about it being "not just about width, but about grin-ability" whatever the hell that is. Some little girl with pig-tails won in the end. The slag. 25 years on, and don't think I'll ever forget my 15 minutes though...
(, Thu 17 Feb 2005, 7:02, Reply)
slow news days
As a youthling in Lincolnshire I have appeared in the horncastle news before they renamed it.
(special feature on today's front page "vote now: have you ever used the wong?")
They once printed a photo of me crossing the finishing line of the Skegness to Horncastle Walk, again because I was in a brass band which played something somewhere and again for doing something insignificant like winning a trophy at my swimming club's annual bash. Hurrah.
(, Thu 17 Feb 2005, 6:10, Reply)
alabaster codify
it said "North East Man Lost At Sea" but that is, sadly, true.
(, Thu 17 Feb 2005, 3:19, Reply)
faslane nuclear submarine base. last summer. early morning (for me anyway). stoned. vague sense of anti-establishment fervour mixed with childish desire to cause fun. ran towards a line of police to try and block the road. got pushed onto grass by coppers. was on six o'clock news. am not proud, just confused. why??
(, Thu 17 Feb 2005, 1:46, Reply)
Childrens Channel
Not quite the local paper but a number of years ago a picture I drew of the Tranformers was shown on national cable TV! (On the childrens channel mind you) Still have it on tape, but it's on beta (not to be confused with b3ta) so is sadly unwatchable. It was a picture of soundwave stealing energon cubes. Since then my life in the public eye has taken a bit of a downward spiral- ie no publicity at all :(

On a more local paper based topic, and this one reeks a bit of urban legend, apparently the day after Titanic sank the headline in Aberdeens local rag was "Local Man Dies In Shipping Accident"
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 22:05, Reply)
I was in an advert for the disney store in The Guardian, when i was five and still sweet.
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 21:04, Reply)
Mavis...It's happened again !
First it was the News of the World. (See earlier answer.)

Then some poxxy Meridian TV prog wanted me to come down to film some feature to show at 3.30am.

Now the BBC are interested in 'my' Dead Pool. I wonder; is the feedback is genuine ? OK it's not the local paper, but it's the next best thing.

Dead Celeb Society!
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 20:48, Reply)
There is some prick I know that thinks that he is a CELEBRITY because he won a local judo championship and there was a picture of him in the local paper.

I was telling him about how I'm a distant relative of George Clooney (I am!) and he laughed. I then asked him i he could do any better. he pointed at himself and said 'how about me? See you at the olympic judo championships you wanker.'

He is tiny, so i can't say that despite his high judo grade that I'm afraid of him. The worst he could do is headbutt my bollocks. He'd probably suck them while he was down there.
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 19:52, Reply)
when i was on zoloft i killed my grandmother and blamed a black man first, but then i said it was the zoloft...truthfully, it was Grand Theft Auto: vice city, that made me turn for the worst....what can i say???

doin 30
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 17:16, Reply)
During Village Gala week
There was a Dr Who exhibition in the Church where this guy had made all these scale and full size models of props from the series. Including a Dalek. Having managed to persuade him to let me roam about the Church Hall randomly exterminating old ladies, I was alarmed to see from inside my strange smelling confines that a large flash of light had just occured at the time I'd activated the death-ray. No-one said anything when I got out so I presumed she had been a widow so no harm done. Two days later there's a picture in the Daily Record of this man and the minister's wife pulling a 'crivens, look how scared we are' face with me inside the dalek exterminating them.

Of course you can't see my face...
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 16:31, Reply)
I am better than James Brown (well, at least in Gants Hill anyway)
I had a very brief career as a singer with a hilarious cabaret troupe called the Cameo Dancers. One year we performed at the Redbridge Carnival in Valentine's park, Gants Hill. The highlight of the day (and a pretty fucking amazing coup all things considered) was that they had got James Brown to do a gig in the park at the end of the festival. Yes, really. In Gants Hill. I know. It's not a place, it's a roundabout.

Anyway, Ilford Recorder next week had a pic of me and my fabulous dancing girls, all red sequins and American tan tights on the front cover with an article which went roughly as follows:

"The Redbridge carnival was given some American pizzazz on Saturday thanks to great acts like the Cameo Dancers..." blah blah blah... more details inside... the first line of the LAST paragraph of the article read:

"James Brown, soul legend, also appeared".

So therefore in my own twisted logic I am better than James Brown. But I don't have the evidence any more. Boo.
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 16:20, Reply)
Damn Welsh
I don't know if this really counts but anyway...

I made the nationals once (back in 1992) as a result of my, erm, swift departure - along with 7 others - from a somewhat posh school. "8 Expelled in Toff School Drug Shock" said the Sun.

Oh, and a couple of years back in my official capacity as a genuine editor for a rather good website I published a quiz prior to the England/Wales rugby match. Admittedly it was set up to take the piss out of the Welsh (I'm Irish, I'm allowed). I didn't, however, expect them to go stark raving mad about it and publish angry editorials in Cardiff's biggest daily and a couple of other places. Neither did I expect questions about "English racism" - using my quiz as an example - to be asked in the Welsh Assembly. I particularly did not expect a journalist from that Cardiff paper to ring me up and interview me on the subject. Oddballs.

Fun though.

No apologies either. Length or girth.
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 15:05, Reply)
Still not sure whether to be proud of this or not
When I was in year 12 (I was 17), the paper my dad writes for approached me to do a story on my views on the war in Iraq. The Western Morning News isn't particularly known for its young readers, or those who aren't tory bummers, so when I wrote 2000 words with a distinctly left wing slant I actually managed to get letters of complaint printed. Plus they had to censor moleste sections of it due to the bashing I gave the government.
Never mind, I got paid £50 for it and submitted it for my A-level English coursework. Got an A. Haha.
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 14:59, Reply)
Okay, not me and not local but
Some national paper (I think the Daily Express) ran a story about my dad's marriage. The headline was "Sister marries Brother".

Yes, that's my salvation army aunt performing the ceremony, and my father marrying my non-related mother.

At least that's what they tell me and b3th.
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 14:35, Reply)
the birmingham mail - 25p where sold
if you find it where its not sold, is it free?
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 14:28, Reply)
"drug induced fantasies"
A "friend" who writes for a local paper asked if she could interview me about my synaesthesia, "to fill a bit of space".

I said I'd be happy to help out. She knows what synaesthesia is and she knows it really isn't that weird, so I wasn't worried.

"It'll probably go in the health section" she said. I was expecting a small paragraph, somewhere near the back.

I was wrong.

EDIT: yes, magictorch, it is a free paper (I've never seen it sold anywhere) - which means it was delivered to every house in my street, every house in my parents' street, every house in all of my friends' streets, every house in all of my work colleagues' streets ... well, you get the idea.
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 14:21, Reply)
Bank job, (kinda)
Won a competition in junior school that I didn't know I'd even entered, which involved painting a picture vaguely related to an area of town know as Round Green, (work out what town from that if you must), that was to go on display in the branch of Natwest in said same part of town. Didn't know it at the time but customers were voting as to which ones they liked the most and mine came a grand 2nd, (can't even remember what the painting was off but if I was 9 or 10 at the time chances are it was shit cos all kids art work is plainly rubbish).

Either way, prize was an afternoon looking around the inside of the bank, a t-shirt saying, 'Natwest is Best', (thankfully lost or turned into dusters ages ago), and our photo on page 13 of the local tat-rag holding our crappy poster paint efforts.

Not bad considering I didn't even know it was a competition and subsequently spent the afternoon wandering around wide-eyed and ever so slightly confuded by this turn of events.
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 13:00, Reply)
billboard erection
Strictly speaking this isn't actually something that made the local paper... but it's sort of on message.

While unemployed back in the early nineties some chums decided one dull spliff addled afternoon to split into groups and see who could first do something that would attract the attention of local rag.

Our idea was to have a mate who worked at a printers specialising in billboard posters to print an enormous erect cock, with the 'United Colours of Benetton' logo in the bottom right hand corner. (note. Benetton at the time was famous for its provocative ad campaigns). This was to be posted in a prominent local site.

The other group were going to plant dope plants in the pots outside the local cop shop.

Sadly we we're all too stoned and lazy to do either.

I once stole a friend's remote control car (for the insurance) and this was reported in a local gazette. But it's a bit of a shit story really isn't it.
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 12:06, Reply)
I was in the EastLondon Advertiser as a Bonnie Baby. Basically they got a bunch of babies took their pictures and print them. Then readers pick the best looking one.
Well I fucking won it didn't I! I'm still an ugly cunt.
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 11:53, Reply)
tudor milkmaid
when i was 10, my class had a day where we had to dress up as tudors. we were all given roles to play. i was the milkmaid. i did apply to be the lady of the manor, but the class favourite (erica, i heard she's still a cow) got that role. we had an article and photo in the local paper. i was in the back, peering over heads, as usual...
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 11:40, Reply)
I scammed the Daily Mail out of £100
for being in an article about how much sex various couples have. It was all lies, every single last word, and I got a free weekend in London out of it. We came second, by the way.
(, Wed 16 Feb 2005, 11:36, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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