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This is a question Lurid Work Stories

"I know a railwayman of 40-odd years' service," says Juan Quar, "and he tells me a new gruesome yarn each time we meet. Last week's was of checking the time on the wristwatch of a severed arm he'd just collected after a track fatality."

Tell us the horrible stories you tease the new hires with, or that you've been told.
NB By definition, these are probably all made up. Roll with it

(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Thu 5 Sep 2013, 17:33)
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I'm getting quite impatient for a liemallow.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 7:59, 24 replies)
as I'm sure he's waiting for some Snidebollocks.

(Shimrod, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 9:01, closed)
Get fucked, funsponge.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 9:53, closed)
Don't be a meanie. I like 'snidebollocks'.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 10:17, closed)
Oi Shambs!
I didn't know BraynDedd was rimming you these days. How sweet that he sticks up for you!
(ShambolicBadgerRimmer Please don't ignore me!, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 11:08, closed)
UH OH!!! Comedy accounts are well LOL!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 11:13, closed)
I still love that you're upset enough to have dedicated an entire account to following me around.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 11:14, closed)
Alright, Weepy Turtle.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 13:42, closed)

www.flamewarriorsguide.com/warriorshtm/bigdogmetoo.htm
(Shimrod, Sat 7 Sep 2013, 8:17, closed)
I do, often. Unlike some virgins around here.

(Shimrod, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 11:39, closed)
While you wait, help yourself to a drink from my
COFFEE MACHINE FROM THE FUTURE.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 9:06, closed)
He probably left his internet on the back of his moped parked outside one of his other houses.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 9:28, closed)
He's probably hacking emails as we speak, to find content for the best possible answer

(I helped save b3ta! The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 9:10, closed)
A Liemallow?
After over 15yrs in the workplace, I have many a tale to tell - however, ironically, it is work that is preventing me from posting any of these gems. I am snowed under.

Unfortunately - I am not an over-qualified layabout, so you'll have to wait.

I see there's a fascinating new sadpuppet entry...go and attack that shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 11:03, closed)
The thing is...
it's when you lot get bogged down in arguing over the best interest rates you can leverage for what level of equity in your current assets that kinda gets a bit boring for the rest of us.

Particularly those of us who own everything we have and owe nothing to anyone.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 11:26, closed)
The thing is...
You got kinda boring for the rest of us after your first post.

And I'm sure any one of us could purchase outright a bit of dry, drab Australian bush. That is not an achievement.
(I helped save b3ta! Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 11:36, closed)
Oh dear.
I thought you knew about property prices Alby.

Good luck getting some cheap "dry,drab Australian bush" in or around any of the major cities in Oz.

I'm starting to see why many of the folks here argue with you about this type of thing now.

For a multi-property owner, investor type you don't even seem au-fait with the basics of how to make money by building a property portfolio in a major cosmopolitan city.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 12:09, closed)
Sorry.
Not biting.

I'd rather argue with a lamppost.
(I helped save b3ta! Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 13:31, closed)
You bought a lower middle class life with money you inherited from your mum.
Congratulations?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 13:44, closed)
I saw a tramp today
He had a full set of clothes, six cans of Special Brew and some other tat. With the exception of the shopping trolley he was pushing, I reckon he owned all of it outright.
(Eukanuba, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 18:48, closed)
aww man, ringofmiserymcpuppet has ignored me
:( :( :(
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 11:48, closed)
Some guys have all the luck!

(I helped save b3ta! Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 11:55, closed)
Is there anybody except Albert who the tragic prick hasn't ignored?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 13:41, closed)
I can't believe you took ten minutes to head dobber that but can't be arsed to make up a funny lie.
Sad times.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 6 Sep 2013, 13:41, closed)

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