A few years back I was out for Christmas drinks with mates from work
We were going from Soho up to Camden to carry on drinking at the Dublin Castle and so were changing from the Victoria to the Northern line at Euston, where the change is basically just across the platform. Running through, I saw there was a Northern line train waiting and hopped onto it, turning around to see my friends were still some distance behind me. The doors started to close and I realised they weren't going to make it in time, so I decided to get off the train and wait with them, rather than travel to Camden on my own. Unfortunately, and quite possibly due to the heroic amounts of alcohol I'd already put away, I wasn't quite as fast as I thought I was and lunging forwards with perfect comedy timing all I managed to do was position my head between the closing doors, which hit me with a quite surprising amount of force and bounced open again. Stunned, I fell back into the carriage to be joined by the rest of my party, who laughed like drains for the remainder of the evening. And a good portion of the next day at work too.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 9:56, 36 replies)

No they didn't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 10:09, closed)

Hello Monty, how are you this fine day?
Still frighteningly stupid and bitter?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 10:12, closed)

Hello Emvee, how are you this fine day?
Still frightening children in the Finz-P neighbourhood?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 10:14, closed)

I don't think this is going to end terribly well..

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 7 Dec 2012, 10:15, closed)

It never does, does it?

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 10:19, closed)

Unless your girlfriend can fire a double 7 out of her chuff, I suspect not.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 7 Dec 2012, 10:25, closed)

Or a fucking Lego Gamorean Guard.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 10:30, closed)

Just like Emvee's embarrassing zombie film.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 10:20, closed)

Yeah, I'm hugely embarrassed by the film that won two "best film" awards in two festivals
and which is getting a limited European cinema release before the DVD comes out. Hugely embarrassed.

Also, you don't think the "creepy" thing is terribly original, do you? I mean, I've cast myself twice now in films as Lee R. E. Ogler the sweaty-handed pervert and played a creepy scientist who has his dick bitten off when getting head from a severed, uh, head. I'm way, way ahead of you there.

Maybe you should try a different tack? Perhaps you should mention that I live in a damp bedsit in Finsbury Park or something? That's always hilarious.

Oh, you edited your post. That's not terribly sporting.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 10:34, closed)

Oh Emv. Oh.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 10:49, closed)

Good comeback
It's like locking horns with one of the great intellects of the age
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 10:50, closed)

I love the way you get so angry.
Maybe you should pass judgement on the weight of my wife? That usually works out brilliantly for you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 10:54, closed)

I'm not angry, I'm more kind of disappointed
LOL U live in Finz-P! LOL U made a flim! LOL U R creepy!

You're really quite pathetic
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 11:02, closed)

One of us
has a pitiful Transformers grot site and, despite being (physically, at least) an adult, an obsession with 'zombies' and incessantly brags about both on the internet, despite being roundly mocked for it repeatedly.

Perhaps these things should be taken into account when assessing which of us might be fairly deemed 'pathetic', no?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 11:09, closed)

One of us is obsessed with the other
Irrespective of the quality of my life, the one who posts about it repeatedly in every single one of my threads is always going to be the more pathetic of the two.

And the truth is that you only know about the bits of my life that I reveal to you because I know they'll wind you up further. Zombies and Transformers are only a fraction of what I really do, but I talk about them here because I know they get you sweaty.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 11:16, closed)

Right you are.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 11:30, closed)

Bellend

( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 11:54, closed)

Well really

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 12:12, closed)

I think this one went rather better than the usual.
Not well, but not a train wreck either. 4 points.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 11:48, closed)

69000 QOTW replies, bound to make a few friends

(macroscian (1 like), Fri 7 Dec 2012, 12:06, closed)

You'd think that wouldn't you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 12:11, closed)

I quite enjoyed this story.
Is it compulsory to have a pop at you in the replies?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 15:13, closed)

I'm afraid it is.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 17:42, closed)