I watch football at a small local non-league ground with my dad, a number of his mates and various hangers on.
A few years back,one of the lads, Terry, brings along his youngest son who was the tender age of 7.

The boy was carefully briefed as to the fact that as he was big enough to go to football he was big enough to understand that there would quite likely be LOTS of naughty words being shouted at players and, most likely, the referee and linesmen, and would he mind NOT repeating any of these words in mummy's earshot?

Match gets underway and it's evident fairly early on t hat the ref is having a shocker. Fouls are given when there's no foul to be seen, offsides not called when the man is far forward enough to be able to shake hands with the goalie, free kicks awarded nowhere near the offence and throw-ins awarded to the wrong teams. In short, he's fucking shit, but with an even-handedness which is both admirable, yet astonishing.
Unsurprisingly as a result the game is somewhat poor with frequent interruptions to play and both sets of supporters in the ground were getting somewhat fractious with some rather fruity language, mostly directed at the ref, being heard.

Finally, in the second half, the home team managed to string a few passes together without being stopped by the ref, one of the wingers burst through, delivered a cross which was PUNCHED away and off the field via the right touchline by an opposing defender. The ref blows up and awards a throw-in, rather than the expected and so-obvious-you-could-see-it-from-space penalty.

It's still the one and only time I've seen a football ground in stunned silence at a refereeing error.
So, it was even more surreal when the silence was broken by a little voice piping up with a query of 'can I call him a wanker now daddy?'
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 12:48, 6 replies)

Biggest laugh I've had at non league football
was a rather fat physio running on to tend to an injury on the other side of the pitch. He wasn't too mobile and the 20-odd seconds it took him to get there was soundtracked by both sets of fans making NEE-NAW, NEE-NAW ambulances noises.
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 12:53, closed)

A particularly lovely moment I can remember is...
...after one spectacular dive, a player who was already on a warning from the ref stayed down, trying to convince all and sundry he was actually hurt only to be given a round of Chopin's Funeral March when the physio reluctantly stepped onto the field.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 12:56, closed)

Football wit
is some of the sharpest out there.
(username failed moderation, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 14:02, closed)

Indeed
Former Rangers goalkeeper Andy Goram was at one point diagnosed with schizophrenia. Unsurprisingly, this made the tabloids. He was thereafter subjected to Celtic fans chanting "there's only two Andy Gorams..."
(square go, Sat 8 Dec 2012, 19:42, closed)

the welsh premier league is quite funny.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 13:17, closed)

So your story is 'I once heard a young person swear' ?

( 4Q just lurking, Sat 8 Dec 2012, 0:49, closed)

Ignore this tit
He has no sense of context or humour
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Sat 8 Dec 2012, 22:22, closed)