I was at a black tie do with work the other night
Unfortunately for me, I got trapped by the world's most crashing bore, an inbred rahrah surveyor who was labouring under two fond delusions: firstly that he was highly interesting, and secondly that I might give him work. He was one of those guys who mumbles through his nose and the room was very noisy, so it was impossible to tell what he was saying without a great deal of effort. After the first two sentences i gave up.

15 minutes of monologue later, I can see my colleagues pissing themselves laughing and I am straining to see what is so funny (turned out to be that Neil had walked into the ladies toilet cubicle by mistake and the woman he caught mid-shit had screamed the house down - you take your entertainment where you find it at these ghastly evenings). The surveyor looks at me expectantly and, in a rare and unwelcome moment of lucidity, snorts, "after all, she is what one might call the charlie dimmock of surveying, what?"

He was clearly waiting for a response, and I had no idea what the blue fuck he was on about. So I said, "what, you mean she doesn't wear any underwear on the job?" I was trying to jolt him into a flash of humanity. I did not expect him to swallow and slowly turn rather purple, and say, "well I wouldn't know. After all, she IS my mother."

Ack.

"well, I wouldn't know," he said. "after all.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 8 Dec 2012, 15:54, 8 replies)

Oh fuck ignore the last bit
I cannot work out how to delete it on this infuriating iPad
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 8 Dec 2012, 15:55, closed)

The last surveyor I met
spent his days marching about mucky building sites with a transit. Is the surveyor you refer to doing something that requires a public school education?
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Sun 9 Dec 2012, 23:28, closed)

This makes less sense than the average Gonzo recipe.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 8 Dec 2012, 16:34, closed)

Less tasty too

( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 8 Dec 2012, 16:40, closed)

Needs more oboe jeans.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 8 Dec 2012, 17:31, closed)

Cannonbear
Cheese - best of all teh cheezes
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 8 Dec 2012, 17:40, closed)

Does this rely on the woman on the toilet being the posh chap's mother?

(ubergeekian, Sat 8 Dec 2012, 18:41, closed)

And there being no locks on the cubicle doors,
too.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 9 Dec 2012, 12:33, closed)