Young love and Vicodin
When I was younger (not older, as I am not a time-traveller, I cannot yet tell you my future), I had a cranial cave-in, courtesy of a friendly neighbourhood car accident.

Just one week before running my head into the front of a lorry, I met a young man named Aaron. Aaron and I got along so smashingly, I was heard to tell my roommate, “Good Jesus, he might just be the most annoying man I have ever met.”

Upon my release from the hospital, I was given a mind-bending brew of opiates, brain-numbers and muscle-relaxers which left me tame, lethargic and completely incapable of forming new memories. I spent most of my time asleep, attempting to prevent my head from falling off or making the occasional trip to the local canteen to try to remember what food was.

Aaron, whose opinion of me was considerably higher than mine of him, installed himself at the side of my bed, holding my withered hand and wiping my brow. Night and day, he gazed into my unfocused Vicodin-drowned eyes and, over the course of time, fell in love. He became a loving boyfriend and we enjoyed frequent intimate acts. I deflowered him, and he declared it the most perfect day of his life. He was meant to be with me, he said, and he would be with me forever.

Many months later, my parents picked me up to enjoy my Easter vacation with them. Faster than you can say ‘drug dependency’, my mother flushed all of my meds down the toilet and, after several days of my abject agonising depression and sicking up all down my tits, sent me back to my dorm.

I arrived, clear-headed, to find that my roommate had moved out. Aaron knocked up at my door and, although I did understand who he was and what he was doing there, I wasn’t quite aware that we were as in love as he said we were. He was fundamentally a familiar stranger, but nothing more than the nameless person you sit next to on the bus every day.

It was a matter of moments before he had irritated me to the point where I wanted to stab myself in the ears. “You’ve changed,” he told me, accusingly. Yes, Aaron, that is because I am awake. Well, he said with dollops of love dripping from his soppy idiot eyes, we can still make it work.

And we did. For one more day.

I couldn’t stand this idiot-eyed cavemanic soap-dodging muttonhead. Yes, he was bearable – when I was unconscious and couldn’t hear or smell him. And how could he only ‘love’ me when I had the brain activity of a shoe? That’s rather rape-y, yes? Speaking of which, I have zero recollection of ever enjoying a bit of penis-waggling with him, nor do I remember a significant amount of what he refers to ‘the greatest relationship of his life.’ He is genuinely a non-entity in my life story, aside from being the other half of a long-term relationship that I just don’t remember.

My aggrieved roommate, upon hearing that I’d turfed Aaron back into the world to find another woman incapacitated by drugs, moved back in. She asked, “What were you thinking?” and I could genuinely and pleasingly answer, “Well, thanks to the drugs, not much at all.”
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 11:13, 15 replies)

you always have interesting (and somewhat disturbing) stories
and tell them well

*click*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 11:19, closed)

I concurr.

( girlinthehole, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 11:32, closed)

Thank you.
I need more kitten-based happy stories.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 11:41, closed)

not all they are cracked up to be
my story for this week was "I knocked a spliff out of my hand with a Wii remote"

I feel like I've let everyone down.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 11:46, closed)

And the best I managed was a Horseroll
However, based on a true story. I was so blasted I figured a speech was a good idea. I was taped to a chair and shaved for my trouble.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 20 Sep 2010, 12:04, closed)

Shiting hell.
That is one of the worst things I've ever heard. Well done for cleaning up and losing that appalling rapist.
He must have been gutted. You were probably the perfect girlfriend for a snivelling manchild with balls full of water like that (I am speculating wildly on his personality other than 'irritating' and 'annoying', but I don't expect he'll sue or anything).

Anyway, I click thee. Now get on with the kitten stories plz.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 17:30, closed)

I once had a kitten.
It turned into a cat. That is why I now have dogs.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 19:23, closed)

Dogs are shit - fuck off dogs

(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 13:57, closed)

Oi!
You can't hide behind a new username. I know who you are.

You're a friend with bad taste in pets.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 19:22, closed)

Also.
The story wasn't meant to be tragic; I was no more taken advantage of than your average orange WAG.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 19:24, closed)

Grumble grumble grumble.
You're very equanimical about it. It punctures my moral outrage.

Also, click for 'it turned into a cat. That is why I now have dogs.'
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 11:55, closed)

How was he supposed to know?
I've met lots of people who make more sense when they're under the influence of drugs than the majority of people do sober.
Unless someone actually explained this to him then I don't think you can blame the poor guy.
As far as any rape allegations go -- unless he understood your medication then I think you are slandering the guy.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 18:17, closed)

But he luuuurved me!
I don't accuse him of rape, I merely accuse him of being the sort of arse who likes his women completely unable to recite the alphabet. I am sure I consented. I did talk, only I don't remember doing so.

He did actually see it as a valid relationship. What he did for all those months was a mixture of lovely and creepy.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 19:15, closed)

Apologies.
I have a tendency to defend the less-than-social in a lot of situations, on account of being there myself sometimes.
Though, in your situation, I was more concerned that none of your family or friends noticed that you were drugged-off-your-face enough for them to worry about your relationships.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 21:41, closed)

A fair bloody point.
My parents were probably happy because he was pre-med.

As I said, he did some lovely things. If he were just about to stick his fingers in some drugged up girl, he wouldn't have dedicated so much time and effort to it.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 22:48, closed)