When I met up with the Amorous Badger

I thought he would be a self-assured, dominant type of fella, given his ruthless persuit of all that is rubbish and self-agandising on this site. In fact we only started communicating when he ‘outed’ me as a relentlessly self-obsessed attention-whore of the first water.

What really surprised me was that back at his place, when he went to ‘slip into something more comfy’, he came back into the living room on all fours, wearing nothing but a dog collar and leash around his neck and a pair of ladies brief knickers, which, nevertheless, managed to fully hide his miniscule manhood.

‘Oh Kay, I’m not worthy of you,’ he began as he lunged towards my shoes and started to lick them.

‘Badger, what are you doing?’ I asked.

‘Have I been bad?’ he asked, twisting his head to look at me.

‘Oh I see your game, you naughty Badger, trying to look up my skirt are you?’ He clearly was, and as it was summer, and a warm evening, I wasn’t wearing any tights.

‘Oh no Miss, I wasn’t. Honest!’ he lied, cringing and prostrating himself further. I grabbed hold of the leash and pulled him across the room to the dining table.

‘Sit on the floor with your back to the table.’ I told him, ‘Put your hands behind your back, I’m going to tie you up.’ I took the leash from the collar and tied his hands securely with it while he sat quiety with his legs out in front of him. The tying had clearly made him aroused, ‘Badger, what are we going to do with you, you horrible creature.’

‘Wank me off perhaps?’

‘What a good idea,’ I said. I left him tied up and explored the other rooms, letting him stew in his own juice for a while. When I found a riding crop, I returned and used it to gently rub his swollen cock through the material of the knickers, but as soon as his breathing quickened, I’d give him a whack in the balls and let him calm down for a bit. I don’t know how long this went on but eventually I could see he was very close to cumming, so I went to the kitchen, fetched a big jug of water and threw it over him. This I followed with a litre bottle of corn oil, which I poured all over him and a bag of plain flour.

‘Right, I’m off now you despicable Badger. I suggest you get yourself free and clear up this horrible mess quickly. I’m going to ring 999 to report a burlary and leave the front door wide open.

I’ve no idea what happened next, but maybe he can fill in the details?











And that’s how you fuck with someone’s head.
(K.W.A. Knickers With Attitude, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 14:18, 28 replies)

I'm not wearing any tights,
either.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 14:22, closed)

I think you've just made Badger about a hundred times more interesting
than in real life
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 14:24, closed)

This is how popular I am on QOTW. People write Badger Slashfic.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 18:27, closed)

I think JMG should handle this one.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 14:26, closed)

What happened next?
Maybe something interesting.
( Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 14:28, closed)

This is terrible

speaking as the victim of a burlary, I take great offence
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 14:39, closed)

Burlary, sounds horrific...
You have my sympathies.
( repooc, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 14:41, closed)

It doesn't half sting come winter

(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 14:41, closed)

I ate all your "g"s.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 16:25, closed)

Virgin alert. Whoop whoop. Virgin alert.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 14:50, closed)

awooga, awooga, abandon ship!

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 14:51, closed)

I have the weirdest boner right now...

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 15:05, closed)

Bloody hell, you're still a virgin?
You've had months to get over that.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 15:21, closed)

Say one thing for KWA,
she really is good at getting the little boys squawking.
(username failed moderation, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 15:29, closed)

I uses Headology
'tis easy!
(K.W.A. Knickers With Attitude, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 15:35, closed)

no, it's dull and frankly embarrassing for you.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 15:56, closed)

Yawn
I know you are, but what am I?
(K.W.A. Knickers With Attitude, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 16:04, closed)

Hey Janet,
surprised to see you in here, bitching and sniping.
(username failed moderation, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 16:31, closed)

yes
Its such unusual behaviour for her
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 17:00, closed)

you spelled "snoring" wrong

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 16:13, closed)

Leave Badger alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



He tries.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 15:52, closed)

That's uncanny.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 15:54, closed)

:-)

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 17:22, closed)

It really is a bit scary how much like AB that looks.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Jan 2012, 7:03, closed)

(sigh)
I was rather enjoying that...
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 17:25, closed)

I know this story
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW walks in, cuts AB's off with a hunting knife, and keeps it in a stuck on the end of a broomstick with a pair of yellow washing-up gloves stapled to it.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 13 Jan 2012, 18:27, closed)

Nah...
I'd scope around for anything of value, take it and fuck off.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 13 Jan 2012, 22:18, closed)

By 'value' you mean underwear draw don't you.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sat 14 Jan 2012, 18:08, closed)