My 40th is all sorted.
Buy-in arranged for the WSOP Main Event, with five hopeful nights booked at the Wynn just in case I progress that far.

Hopefully semi-retirement fund will kick in by my 42nd birthday and then we're off on world tour - in style. No more dossing in hostels with moronic Australians and druggie chavs, nope 5* all the way. Enough airmiles now for 1st Class at every stage too.

Then I'll chuck in the Range Rover for a sporty little number, sell up the rest of the portfolio and bugger off to Provence, Mougins possibly, the restaurants are to die for. I'll play the markets from home, fish, paint and hike the lower Alps.

Crisis? What crisis?
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 2 May 2013, 15:43, 40 replies)

have you not learned yet that nobody gives the tiniest shit?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 2 May 2013, 15:44, closed)

Mwah!
x
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 2 May 2013, 15:46, closed)

Why should he Janet
When you haven't?
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 3 May 2013, 15:49, closed)

Hooray!
It's been weeks since you pretended to have a property portfolio.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 May 2013, 15:46, closed)

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 2 May 2013, 15:47, closed)

I'm reading ya bro

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 2 May 2013, 15:57, closed)

So if someone has me on ignore
I can't see their posts?
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 2 May 2013, 16:00, closed)

Welcome to 2.0

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 2 May 2013, 16:08, closed)

I see.
So by ignoring me, I end up ignoring them.

Perfect.

Anyone wanna inform me what he said?
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 2 May 2013, 16:11, closed)

Dunno, I think I have whoever it is on ignore

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 2 May 2013, 16:13, closed)

How wonderfully cryptic.

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 2 May 2013, 16:15, closed)

But if he has me on ignore, how can he see my post?

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 2 May 2013, 16:16, closed)

It's probably Shambo who apparently is some kind of leet haxX0r
(a phrase I take to mean "needy arsehole who can't bear the thought that people might be talking about him behind his back")
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 2 May 2013, 16:18, closed)

Most of us log out and then back in again - takes a couple of seconds on a home computer (saved passwords and what not)
Shambo seems to have acquired some l33t hax0r php mage level skillz that allow him to see all ignore2.0 posts.
Apparently.
Because he's so much better than us and has far more important things to be doing with his time.

Hooray!
It's been weeks since you pretended to have a property portfolio.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic Minister for Sport for Papua New Guinea, Thu 2 May 2013, 15:46, Reply)
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 2 May 2013, 16:36, closed)

Oh him.
He got very, very angry because I revealed his 'ever so intelligent and thought provoking post', had in fact been doing the rounds for over 50 years.

b3ta.com/questions/controversialbeliefs/post1944905
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 2 May 2013, 17:25, closed)

Yay. A new puppy!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 May 2013, 17:52, closed)

He's got the pair of you tragic fucking messes talking about him though, hasn't he?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 2 May 2013, 16:39, closed)

Chiiiiiin!

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 2 May 2013, 16:41, closed)

No idea
could be Monty for all I know
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 2 May 2013, 17:07, closed)

Don't you bully my puppy dogs.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 May 2013, 17:50, closed)

b3ta.com/questions/midlifecrisis/post1951956
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 2 May 2013, 17:54, closed)

shut up and fuck off

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 2 May 2013, 18:09, closed)

does this fucking mean
....ah fuck, I think I can work this out.... nope I cant. Ignore 2.0? Is there an explanation anywhere?
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Fri 3 May 2013, 22:13, closed)

Is your surname Partridge by any chance?
p.s. just to warn you: the Moulin Au Moujins looks nice, but the food is not all it's cracked up to be.
( fred zeppelin II: Electric Boogaloo, Thu 2 May 2013, 17:03, closed)

If you really are determined to paint
the Lower Alps may I suggest green?
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 2 May 2013, 17:48, closed)

Haha
I work in regulated financial advice and know precisely why your story about your property portfolio is bullshit.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 May 2013, 17:52, closed)

Go on then, spill the beans

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 2 May 2013, 18:09, closed)

nah, I'll just smugly enjoy it ta

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 May 2013, 18:22, closed)

RIGHT IVE GOT YOUR BACK HERE DOZER, YOURE JUST PRETENDING ALL ALONG
ITS OK ALBERT WILL NEVER SUSPECT A THING


WORD
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 2 May 2013, 18:31, closed)

I have your balls in my hand and I'm giving them a playful squeeze.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 May 2013, 18:33, closed)

I think the fact he couldn't even remember how many houses he was selling or for how much might have given even the financially naive a clue.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 May 2013, 18:23, closed)

I don't think he knows about how capacity for loss is an inherent part of a fact find and recommendation.
And that having multiple IO mortgages might possibly be something that a professional adviser might flag up as being a concern. That is of course if he used a broker, an adviser or dealt direct, or if he got these as BTL rather than residential. Or the point at which he did so, bearing in mind the stringent LTV limits on IO mortgages.

But what do I know?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 May 2013, 18:32, closed)

And he can't count to two.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 May 2013, 18:36, closed)

it's perfectly normal for lenders to offer IO mortgages to amateur property speculators.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 May 2013, 18:40, closed)

Who can't count to two.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 May 2013, 18:49, closed)

We're building a house in France at the moment.
So if you could just give me some advice on allowable expenses under the régime réel or micro-foncier regimes that would be smashing. I'll pay you in entirely valueless online prestige.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 May 2013, 18:51, closed)

soz, no idea

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 May 2013, 18:55, closed)

God.
I don't even know why I come here any more. The service is terrible and I don't even think they change the beds every day.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 May 2013, 18:57, closed)

soz
My family do have a gite which is a barn conversion. Want me to ask them? Failing that, Albert here has a marvellous property adviser, I suggest you gaz that nigga up.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 May 2013, 19:00, closed)

I was mostly asking so that I could super-subtly drop in the fact that I have a real live property portfolio that exists outside my head.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 May 2013, 19:08, closed)

have you ever boasted online about drink driving?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 May 2013, 19:10, closed)

I think I might have once talked about riding off a small cliff on a scooter while mangled off my face.
I'm everything I hate.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 2 May 2013, 19:14, closed)

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 2 May 2013, 20:37, closed)

Well it's just not
NUMBERWANG!!! is it?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 2 May 2013, 23:37, closed)

Awww.
Still stuck at home watching daytime TV?

Don't worry, you'll get a job soon.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:41, closed)

www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-22366821
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Thu 2 May 2013, 21:54, closed)

lol

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 2 May 2013, 22:02, closed)

Yup.
Those people are fucked.

But with low LTV's - I'm gonna be ok.

You can moan. You can spend years gaining a PhD but still not grasp percentages. You can think it's 'not cool' to buy property and rent for the rest of your lives.

Or you can do it my way.

Enjoy your crises.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 3 May 2013, 10:06, closed)

The 'deluded fantasist' method. Cunning.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 3 May 2013, 17:54, closed)

That's a 'method'?

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 3 May 2013, 18:00, closed)

No. It's a fucking tragedy.
I was being generous since you seem to be genuinely convinced that there's a single soul left on the planet who actually believes your delusions.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 3 May 2013, 19:57, closed)