Saved travel agent from drowning in a Brazilian river
I work in travel and sometimes have to take journalists and/or travel agents to far flung corners of the world. Well, when working for this big tour operator I got the chance to take 8 agents to Brazil. Lovely.
One of the things booked for us was a canoe trip along a river with a guide. Great. So I had a canoe with one of the agents and in another were the two oldest and one gayest in the group. I smelled trouble. Anyway, halfway along the trip our guide had scooted off ahead of us and we'd come to a very low rickety bridge (only big enough for light foot crossing). To get past it, we had to put our paddled down, sit/lie back and kinda feed ourselves underneath it with our hands. We got through it fine but we thought it best to wait on the other side to see how the oldies and gay guy got on.
They eventually arrived at the bridge and made several disastrous attempts to get underneath (the two old ladies were at the front and the gay guy at the back [snigger]) before eventually getting the nose under the bridge and the two old ladies doing what we'd done (i.e. lying back etc). Watching it from the river bank, we were in stitches at their comical attempts.
Anyway, it then came to the gay guy to get under the bridge. He kinda looked left and right, utterly confused and then opted to simply lean all the way over to the left, capsizing the canoe entirely. Everyone went into the water with their money, cameras and other belongings.
We laughed our heads off and I counted the re-emerging heads. One gay guy, check. One old lady, check. Another old lady...er...hello? Nothing. After a few seconds a little white face appeared at the water's surface but quickly went back under. FUCK, i thought. Just before setting off in the canoe's our local guide had made us aware that there were anacondas in the river. Saying that, I was responsible for these people so it was up to me to do my Mitch Buchanan impersonation. So I hopped out of my canoe and into the river. It was shallow enough to stand in (the water came up to my neck, but from the waste down it was just 'river greenery', i had no idea what I was standing in). So to cut a boring long story short, I managed to grab the old lady by the neck and somehow heave her bodily back into a canoe (shouting and swearing as I did, very stressful). She was in floods of tears and very embarrassed (even though it wasn't her fault whatsoever). And for the record, (a) if that man had been heterosexual, the canoe wouldn't have capsized and (b) if I hadn't been the tour leader, that old lady would probably still be somewhere at the bottom of that river. Fuck doing that for a bag of chips. I wouldn't jump in rivers in England for fear of getting bit off a stickleback.

TL:DR? The title just sums it all up really.
( Fray Brentos *mega-belms*, Sat 11 May 2013, 18:15, 10 replies)

tl:dr

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Sat 11 May 2013, 18:21, closed)

You've saved yourself some time then.
Write a fucking story about that.
( Fray Brentos *mega-belms*, Sat 11 May 2013, 18:25, closed)

Alright.

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Sat 11 May 2013, 18:33, closed)

*high fives*
*gets left hanging*
*glums*
( Fray Brentos *mega-belms*, Sat 11 May 2013, 18:54, closed)

hahahayeahqueersehlol

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 11 May 2013, 18:29, closed)

He shoulda used the bridge
I hear those chaps are light on their feet.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sat 11 May 2013, 19:05, closed)

^ Internet homophobia here ^

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 11 May 2013, 19:34, closed)

Gay men can't lean back
in the same way that dogs can't look up? Strangest manifestation of homophobia I've ever encountered.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 11 May 2013, 20:40, closed)

You'd best be a feminist, or this will go very badly for you.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 11 May 2013, 20:47, closed)

If I risked my life to save someone, I'd be gutted if they turned out to be a travel agent.
That'd be like rescuing something that's been dropped into the toilet and only later realising it was a turd.
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Sun 12 May 2013, 7:27, closed)

I rescue the ones that look like celebrities.
My Hugh Laurie is amazing.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 12 May 2013, 8:46, closed)

I fail to see how the chap's sexuality would have prevented the canoe capsizing if he'd leaned all the way over to the left.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 13 May 2013, 9:18, closed)

*narrows eyes* I also join the accusations of lazy homophobia.
...and that's speaking as someone who's spent a huge amount of time canoeing.
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:19, closed)