Strange but true
Liz, my girlfriend, works as a teaching assistant in Camden. Just before Christmas she got a weeks' work in a Catholic primary school.

"So this is the Virgin Mary's outfit - who's the Virgin Mary?" Liz asks.

A little hand shoots up and an angelic blonde girl steps forward, takes the costume.

Another little kid asks: "Miss, what's a virgin?"

Liz was pondering a response when another of the little fuckers pipes up.

"It means the Virgin Mary sat on a turkey baster. That's what my daddy says."

"Come on now," said Liz. "Who's playing Joseph?"
( SpankyHanky, Tue 31 Mar 2009, 16:03, 14 replies)

Arf...!

Did anyone volunteer to be the turkey baster?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 31 Mar 2009, 16:06, closed)

Situations like this
are why I could never work in a school. I'd last about five minutes before the inevitable knob gag dribbled wetly from my lips....
( SpankyHanky, Tue 31 Mar 2009, 16:09, closed)

Yep.
Situations like this are why an ability not to laugh no matter what or make tasteless jokes without thinking are essential to working in a school.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Tue 31 Mar 2009, 16:14, closed)

Probably
not a good idea to be a paramedic either.

Or work in an undertakers...
( SpankyHanky, Tue 31 Mar 2009, 16:18, closed)

I don't know
As long as you did all the stuff behind the scenes, like applying the makeup and embalming as opposed to meeting with the deceased's family you'd probably be ok.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Tue 31 Mar 2009, 16:29, closed)

But
just think of all the fun you could have with a corpse? Putting them in weird poses, taking photos, taking them out for a trip to the shops, fucking them... did I just say that? Must've slipped out - will have to apply less KY next time.
( SpankyHanky, Tue 31 Mar 2009, 16:30, closed)

Talking of necrophilia
Apparently in aincient Egypt if a particuarly beutiful woman died they would leave her body for a couple of days before sending it to be embalmed, to discorage any unwarrented corpse love.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Tue 31 Mar 2009, 16:33, closed)

They still do that.
Bastards.
( Cawl, Tue 31 Mar 2009, 16:36, closed)

I was once up in the High Court for necrophillia
I was sent down for eight years, my defense team were useless. They claimed she was drunk and gagging for it.
( SpankyHanky, Tue 31 Mar 2009, 16:44, closed)

Fun fact:
"Sexual penetration with a corpse was made illegal (in the UK) under the Sexual Offences Act 2003."

Someone must've done something reaaaaaaally bad in 2002...
( Cawl, Tue 31 Mar 2009, 16:46, closed)

Yeah... I mean, like all taboos, it's been broken
So clearly, the fact that people occasionaly have indulged in necrophilia was not enough to trigger the law to be passed. So what was it? I'm imagining something big, and for some reason the image invovles a giggling madman laughing manicaly as he shags a corpse senseless on the top of an open top double decker tourbus as it drives past some sort of royal meeting of a forgien dignitary.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Tue 31 Mar 2009, 16:52, closed)

I used to be a
necrophiliac........................




................until some rotten cunt split on me.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 31 Mar 2009, 18:18, closed)

Undertakers
I know 3 people who have been sacked from undertakers for covert sniggering.

I couldn't do it either.

fnarr.
(Opanoid Look sweats dripping off them, Tue 31 Mar 2009, 16:46, closed)

!
I'd have wet myself laughing at that...
( HairyTwatter certified eel and sodium salesman, Tue 31 Mar 2009, 21:01, closed)