b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Near Death Experiences II » Post 2284870 | Search
This is a question Near Death Experiences II

Freddie Woo says: I was once caught right in the middle of in an early morning high-speed 30-car pile-up on the M3, but emerged from the chaos in the only car not to have suffered a dent. My trousers told a different story, and learned that you *do* empty your bowels as Death's icy grip reaches out for you. Tell us about your audition for the Final Destination films.

Suggested by Just a Vagabond

(, Thu 15 May 2014, 12:55)
Pages: Popular, 3, 2, 1

« Go Back

Alcohol / cars / MASSIVE DRUGS / and also shitting myself
Friday night, hometown, out to the local fat slag whaling club in my home town. Club kicks out at 2am and we meander back to my friends house not so far away. The partying continues various other people who have been in other venues arrive including a friend we shall just call "C".

About 4am and we are running low on massive drugs, so we decide to take a walk to the local dealers palace after giving him a little tinkle, of course he is awake, when C offers instead to drive me there. A very drunken and at this point in time made from adamantium SpanishFly decides that's a great idea. It's a 10 minute walk 2 minutes in the car after all.

On the way to the palace there is a stretch of road that is notoriously bad, with a canal on one side of it and terraced houses and parked cars the other, the road is kinda snakey, we are going far far far too fast when I hear these words "FLY FLY FLY WE'RE GONNA CRASH" and then we got a parked car head on doing about 50mph, and I ladies and gentlemen did not have my seat belt on. The car came to rest upside down some 40 feet away from the initial impact, I was, quite amazingly, still in the passenger side of the car. The first thing I noticed was that all of my teeth have been knocked out, I know this because I can feel them all in my mouth, I have a mouthful of broken teeth. I start to spit them out to see that they are chunks of glass and in fact all my teeth are intact. The second thing I notice is severe pain in my right leg, broken ankle severe soft tissue damage the works.

I see "C" making a run for it and telling me to run, it's at this point I realise how totally fucked my leg is and that I have indeed shat myself. Badly. So I strip off clean up with my boxers, lob em, and put my pants back on and try and make a break for it....which I don't.

He police later told me that I was probably the luckiest bloke alive, something to do with the g force and the way the car spun and flipped pinned me (for the most part) into the car seat. However when we went to see the car before it was crushed there was a very distinctive open mouthed face shape in the window screen on the passenger side of the SpanishFly, and just there on the passenger seat were some dirty cunts shit stained pacman boxers.

EDIT JUST FOR THE LOVELY STUJ: tl;dr - crashed as a passenger, should have died, shat myself
(, Sat 17 May 2014, 8:12, 8 replies)
Do yo normally wear two pairs of pants?

(, Sat 17 May 2014, 8:56, closed)
Well, he probably doesn't want to get sausaged by homosexual rapists.

(, Sat 17 May 2014, 8:59, closed)
Y'know, I've met several homosexuals, and they've never tried to rape me.
I must be really unattractive. :(
(, Sat 17 May 2014, 9:13, closed)
That you know about

(, Sat 17 May 2014, 9:19, closed)
You probably weren't tied to a lampost in Soho whilst on your stag do.

(, Sat 17 May 2014, 9:48, closed)
I cleaned up with my boxers and my "pants" were jeans.
I apologise profusely for any confusion I may have caused
(, Sat 17 May 2014, 9:19, closed)
Denim underwear?
Sounds itchy.
(, Sat 17 May 2014, 10:35, closed)
pants means trousers, you southern jessy

(, Sat 17 May 2014, 10:58, closed)
now hold on there.
we're not Americans.
(, Sat 17 May 2014, 12:01, closed)
Damn right The LOVELIEST Sidekick.
(, Sat 17 May 2014, 15:35, closed)
Fuck off back to Septicstan,
or wherever it is you people come from.
(, Sat 17 May 2014, 15:29, closed)
You've been living in forrin too long Doc.
Pants means pants.
Trousers means trousers.
(, Sat 17 May 2014, 15:34, closed)
Not forrin.
It were always pants oop north before they were called trousers by t'working class. Lucky if we had undercrackers at all and if we did it were them white but greying breathable shorts with a vertical fly or as the armed forces referred to them "drawers, cellular, anti glare".
/history of knickers blog.
(, Sat 17 May 2014, 17:07, closed)
As if Northerns even HAVE a language.
They don't even count as human. They're only a bit more evolved than Ginges.
(, Sat 17 May 2014, 17:09, closed)
Bit of displacement going on here I think.
Is you a forrin or summat?
(, Sat 17 May 2014, 21:51, closed)

(, Sat 17 May 2014, 10:52, closed)
Sorry Span Eff, but can we have a summary of that.
In English.
(, Sat 17 May 2014, 15:34, closed)

(, Sat 17 May 2014, 17:02, closed)
Ta for that The LOVELY Span Eff.
(, Sat 17 May 2014, 17:07, closed)

« Go Back

Pages: Popular, 3, 2, 1