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This is a question My Arch-nemesis

I lived in fear of a Darth Vader-esque school dinner lady who stood me perpetually at the naughty table for refusing to eat mushy peas. An ordeal made worse after I was caught spooning the accursed veg into her wellies. Who, we ask, has wrecked your life?

Thanks to Philly G for the suggestion

(, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 12:01)
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My fiancee owns Basement Cat.
If you ever go to the Lolcats website you'll know what I mean- the black cat with green eyes, the Desolate One, the First of the Fallen, the Destroyer of Souls, She Who Must Not Be Named.

In truth she looks a lot like this:

She's a fairly average-looking black cat with short fur. Often she's quite snuggly, and in particular has taken to me over her actual owner.

The thing is, she's always there, lurking in a corner.

I wake up in the morning to her walking on my bladder. If I throw her off she simply returns. When I get up to go piss, I turn around to find her watching me from the doorway because she pushes the door open. I go downstairs to make coffee and turn around and trip over her. When the coffee is made and I take a cup to the living room to sit down in a chair, I invariably sit on top of her. Once she's made her protests known and has stalked around the room, she waits until I have the laptop open and then jumps up onto the keyboard.

When I cook dinner she's there under my feet until I kick her, at which point she lurks in the corner. We sit down to eat and there she is, finding a piece of paper or a plastic bag or something else noisy to tromp around on so that we pay attention to her. If we're watching TV she finds something else crinkly to thrash around on, making as much noise as possible. When we go to bed she's there at the top of the stairs waiting for us. If I lock her out of the room she claws at the door. Once she's in she insists on sleeping between my knees.

The last thing I see every night is this:

The one question that I've had for my fiancee that she's never been able to answer is...

What the hell does she WANT?

Actually, she's starting to make me think of Teh Fear...
(, Sat 1 May 2010, 17:07, 5 replies)
You're making me want to go and get another cat!
(, Sat 1 May 2010, 20:57, closed)
Do you want this one?

(, Sat 1 May 2010, 20:59, closed)

dont ya just love it! she likes you, you are her chosen one.. feel proud.
(, Sat 1 May 2010, 22:20, closed)
But she already HAS a chosen one!
She's had her owner for 13 years, and she's snuggled that cat daily all that time. The critter sleeps on her bed, lies on the table next to her computer when she's working, and the first thing she does when she comes home is call for the cat.

When the cat gets on the counter I whop her and send her flying. If she attacks the other cats she gets whopped. If she claws at things she gets whopped. I've kicked her ass repeatedly over the past year or so that she's lived with me, I swat her if she bites me, I yell at her when she pisses me off... and yet she has decided that her owner is unimportant and shadows me wherever I go.

She thinks she's a ninja. In truth she has the stealth abilities of Beth Ditto on crack.

And she snores.

EDIT: I should add that I haven't had to kick her ass in some time, as now she's learned some manners and generally behaves. Most of the time I snuggle with her these days.
(, Sat 1 May 2010, 22:59, closed)

she is waiting for you to die so she can eat your eyes
(, Sun 2 May 2010, 6:49, closed)

(, Sun 2 May 2010, 7:21, closed)
Actually, more likely a pasty
since she's an English cat from Norfolk.
(, Sun 2 May 2010, 13:19, closed)
sounds like
a typical cat to me - certainly mine is out to get me!
(, Sun 2 May 2010, 13:58, closed)
She wants..
your immortal soul....
(, Mon 3 May 2010, 3:31, closed)

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