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This is a question My Arch-nemesis

I lived in fear of a Darth Vader-esque school dinner lady who stood me perpetually at the naughty table for refusing to eat mushy peas. An ordeal made worse after I was caught spooning the accursed veg into her wellies. Who, we ask, has wrecked your life?

Thanks to Philly G for the suggestion

(, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 12:01)
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dont ya just love it! she likes you, you are her chosen one.. feel proud.
(, Sat 1 May 2010, 22:20, 1 reply)
But she already HAS a chosen one!
She's had her owner for 13 years, and she's snuggled that cat daily all that time. The critter sleeps on her bed, lies on the table next to her computer when she's working, and the first thing she does when she comes home is call for the cat.

When the cat gets on the counter I whop her and send her flying. If she attacks the other cats she gets whopped. If she claws at things she gets whopped. I've kicked her ass repeatedly over the past year or so that she's lived with me, I swat her if she bites me, I yell at her when she pisses me off... and yet she has decided that her owner is unimportant and shadows me wherever I go.

She thinks she's a ninja. In truth she has the stealth abilities of Beth Ditto on crack.

And she snores.

EDIT: I should add that I haven't had to kick her ass in some time, as now she's learned some manners and generally behaves. Most of the time I snuggle with her these days.
(, Sat 1 May 2010, 22:59, closed)

she is waiting for you to die so she can eat your eyes
(, Sun 2 May 2010, 6:49, closed)

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