Wednesday
Some of you remember me posting an NHS rant in customers from hell QOTW a few weeks ago about the treatment my father received in hospital. Others of you will have seen the announcement I put on OT on Thursday to mark his passing. Life in general has been a bit upside down and odd for the last few weeks as he's deteriorated slowly but surely.

Several things spring to mind when I read this week's QOTW about him. The fact that he and my mum welcomed me, plus two cats, two guinea pigs and two rabbits, back into the family home after I screwed up a few years ago. No pressure to do anything I wasn't ready to do or move out and make a life for myself meant that I was back on my feet again and starting a new career in a few months. I think they knew that if they bugged me about finding something too soon I'd dig my heels in and stay in the old crappy job I had even longer.

The thing with my dad was he was very old school, stiff upper lip and all that, so he never really said he was proud of me and my brothers to us. Sure he'd say it to other people when they asked and would brag about our achievements to friends, but never seemed able to tell us that we'd done something well. So I knew that he'd realised he didn't have long left when he was ending phone conversations with I love you's and a couple of days before he died, made a special effort to call me after I left the hospital and tell me that he was proud of me and he didn't need to worry about me anymore, that he knew I was going to be alright. Frankly the fact that he did, whether he was bugged by my mum to do so or not, means the world to me and I'm really going to miss him.

Wednesday's going to be a fucker.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 11:27, 14 replies)

I think
you need a hug.

*hugs*

He sounds like a great dad - even if he was very poker faced a lot of the time.

I'll keep the both of you in my thoughts and prayers. :)
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 5 Oct 2008, 11:38, closed)

*hugs*
I'll be thinking about you, and sending you some psychic hugs through the ether.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 11:47, closed)

Thank you
I forgot, the third thing he did that was amazing is hanging on for my brother to get there from the States. He'd booked a flight to London for the 8th Oct originally and then had to be changed at double the cost. The night he was flying over here none of us got any proper sleep as we were terrified he'd die in the night and not get to see him. I woke up several times in the night on the verge of calling the hospital to ask them to check on his breathing, but figured I'd get a call within an hour to say he'd passed. As it was he hung on for a few more days and got to say what he wanted to everyone which I'll always be thankful for.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 11:56, closed)

I feel your pain ....
*massive squeezy hug*

I will be thinking of you and your family on Wednesday. Here's a tip, if you don't mind - have a massive cry as early as possible that day - it really does help.

*another squishy hug*

If you need to rant/vent, gaz me.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Sun 5 Oct 2008, 12:01, closed)

Hugs from me.
And my thoughts are with you.
( girlinthehole, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 12:13, closed)

Becky, sweetheart...
as you know, I lost my lovely, ace mum to cancer a few months ago...I was dreading her funeral even though I'd forced myself to imagine it many times.
But you know what? Despite it being the worst thing I've ever been through, it wasn't as bad as I'd feared. In fact, I felt quite a sense of responsibility to be able to do this last thing for her. I hope you experience something similar.
I also learned to do something I had never, ever done up to that point: lean on my friends when I needed to. That was fucking hard at first - I prefer to be leaned on. But damn, they were good.
I wish you all the luck and love and strength there is for the coming week.
( thealternativefact, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 12:23, closed)

sending good thoughts...

your way, especially on wednesday. I lost my mother 6 years ago now and not a day goes by that i don't think of her. Your father's words to you are a gift - the best thing you can do is to try and live by them, be proud in the fact that you know that you are still doing him proud, and always will =) Best of luck.
(goorf, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 21:29, closed)

We'll all be thinking of you on Wednesday

(Vic Flange, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 21:49, closed)

^^
Indeed. I'll send psychic hugs. I'm sorry dear.
Dub
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 22:05, closed)

* clickyhugs *
I too will be sending out my psychic well-wishings to you and your family on Wednesday. At least he got the chance to say what he wanted to say to you before he finally passed.

As others have said, do not try and fight the grief. Just let it wash over you and have a cry. It will be a dark moment, but that's just inevitable. Once it passes, you'll be able to look ahead.

Remember, you won't be alone on Wednesday.

* hugs *
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sun 5 Oct 2008, 23:02, closed)

*hugs*
for you.
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 9:56, closed)

*hugs*
We'll all be thinking of you!

Very happy we got to have a catch-up on Saturday!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 10:11, closed)

*click*
I also send you a psychic hug!

I agree with what was said above, have a good cry on the day, and don't let yourself feel bad because of it.

I've heard of people apologising for crying at funerals, but it's nothing to be ashamed of.

We're all here for a chat if you need.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:56, closed)