This one's very hard to tell and not at all funny I'm afraid
A year ago I broke up with my girfriend of 3 years - shortly afterwards I was tricked into getting another woman pregnant ('I can't conceive'). In an attempt to do 'the right thing' (whatever the fuck that is) I stayed with her until her physical and mental violence and basic insanity made this no longer viable. Incidentally our beautiful daughter was born 16-odd weeks ago and I'm not allowed to see her, and none of my family has ever seen her.

During this time my ex discovered she, too was pregnant (coil failure, just one of those things). Despite desperately wanting the child - and nothing from me in return - she knew this would ruin my already volatile situation with woman 'B', and had a termination. Given her age and history this was a bit of a final straw for her in terms of future pregnancies.

This was a sacrfice of truly herculean proportions - to date I am absolutely staggered that she would do such a thing for someone with whom she had actually split up. We're back together now and the poor thing now has to deal with my struggles to gain access to my daughter, all the while finding any talk of babies - and of course particularly my baby, almost unbearable for obvious reasons.

Maxine, I don't deserve you but I love you with every fibre of my being - you are truly an incredible human being.

*blubs like a girl*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:06, 22 replies)

*wipes eyes discreetly*
*clicks*
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:11, closed)

christ
that's heartbreaking.
Best of luck.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:18, closed)

no offence
but to big someone up for having an abortion. regardless of the situation is very shaky. If she was that desperate to keep the baby she would have, lets face it.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:24, closed)

why is it shaky?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:33, closed)

I have to admit I'm with chcb on this...
Not that I'm being confrontational, I'm genuinely curious...
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:43, closed)

none taken
but 'let's face it' you haven't got even the tiniest fucking clue what you are on about.

This has broken her heart - she was and is desperate to have a child with me (although to be fair I don't know why - I'm a bell-end). She didn't go through with it, despite her mother's lovely offer to bankroll the whole thing so she could keep it, because she knew what it would do to me and my situation.

She really, really wanted it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:53, closed)

yes, it was
nice that she terminated the baby she so desperately wanted, just so you wouldn't be upset/put out. Come on, can't any of you see the oxymoron in all this. I'm sorry, but i don't see anything nice about the situation at all. Only bleakness and bad decisions.

I never mounted any high horse, and although i am not in your exact situation, i have been involved in something very similar, the reverberations of which are still rumbling today....15 years on.

Terminations = misery and regret
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:41, closed)

'upset/put out'
doesn't cover it at all - I was being physically attacked - at one point with a huge fucking knife. Knowing your keeping a baby will seriously fuck up someone you love and not doing so for that reason, despite your own desires, is an act of enormous selflessness.

*EDIT* I think I need to insert here that I told her that going through with it would ruin my life. She didn't just quietly do this off her own back.
*EDIT pt.2* Figure of speech - I explained what I was going through with violence etc - I didn't just trot out 'ooh it'll ruin my life'. Fair enough for slating me on that.

By the way, with my pedant hat on, I must point out that you also don't seem to know what an oxymoron is.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:07, closed)

hmmm
Somehow i really don't think it would have 'ruined' your life, maybe a bit difficult, but with the addition of your little erratta, the story now reads very differently, and doesn't put you in a favourable light, at all.

Oxymoron - something (as a concept) that is made up of contradictory or incongruous elements.

A)The nicest thing someone's ever done for me
B)A woman had a termination at MY insistence, because it would ruin MY life.

I know fine well the meaning of oxymoron, and I also know the meaning of another word, have you heard of it

Selfish - concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.

I'm sorry, although i'm no pro-lifer, i can see no 'niceness' in abortions i'm afraid.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:36, closed)

It's a linguistic term
a figure of speech by which a locution produces an incongruous, seemingly self-contradictory effect, as in “cruel kindness” or “to make haste slowly.”

I didn't tell Maxine I wanted her to terminate, I told her it was her choice and that I'd support it. I certainly didn't insist on it (where you get that from I don't know) - but I also I'm most definitely a villain here, and take your criticism squarely on the chin. It's a great deal less harsh than that which I heap on myself daily, so help yourself...

The fact is I was hospitalised by the mother of my little girl over something a great deal more trivial - she might have fucking killed me over this: so ended/ruined - who knows?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 14:57, closed)

I didn't reply
to make myself feel better, or you any worse, honestly. I just thought your story was very sad, in all respects.

Linguistics aside, i hope it works out OK in the end!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:02, closed)

Thanks for that
I've not made a very good job of explaining what went on here, I'm sorry - one of the side effects of sneakily posting whilst working...

To summarise:

a) Maxine is lovely
b) I'm not
c) Woman 'B' is a fucking homicidal nutjob

But what Maxine did for me is incredible - that was the point I was trying to make and I stand by it 100%.

It's really, really fucking sad. The end.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:20, closed)

I get the feeling
that you should probably get off your high horse before you are pushed.

Just saying.
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:25, closed)

A big manhug
Have a big hug monty. My 1st born son is 2 now and I've never met him and doubt I will until he's old enough to come looking.

I have a another son who is a little over a year old and I love him with every little bit of my heart but nothing will take away the pain of not seeing my 1st.

I really hope you get to see your daughter soon.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 11:59, closed)

I'm with cancer joy
I just don't get it: if she really really wanted the child, why would she have an abortion? So you and your new woman, the one you left her for, could play happy families?! Makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to me.

Don't wish to seem mean, I just feel that if I were in that situation, I really wouldn't have put my ex over a much longer-for child and possibly last chance at motherhood.
(G-Lo, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:37, closed)

She still really loved me, despite the split
and didn't want to ruin my life - it's one of the most selfless acts anyone I've ever known has ever done.

I know where you're coming from - it's almost inconceivable (yay! inappropriate pun!), hence me posting this in the first place.

I don't know - all I know is that she's fucking well not pretending to be completely torn apart by it, believe me...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 13:54, closed)

((Hug))
It is amazing, and a very difficult decision to have to make...

I like to think I could have that kind of courage if I needed to..

xxS
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 15:03, closed)

I don't want to detract from this weeks fluffehness
But having read your exchanges wth cancer joy above, the story seems to read;

1. You generally treated your girlfriend like poo, to the extent of getting some other woman pregnant and leaving her, presumably devastating her in the process.
2. You were sleeping with both women at the same time without contraception, are you a teenager?! Did you not consider pregnancy / STI's?
3. When Maxine fell pregnant at the same time as the other woman, you told her having the baby would 'ruin your life'. So she's broken-hearted, vulnerable and facing life as a single mother and then on top of that is being made responsible for ruining your life?!

I don't often get on my moral high-horse, but from how you tell it you have behaved in the most god-awful way. The only redeeming feature of this story is that you seem to now appreciate your girlfriend, which is lucky, because you'll have to love her A LOT to make up for her facing a childless future.

Rant over

EDIT Which is actually more or less a longer version of what you said in your post at 15:20. Sorry, I am a bit sensitive where children are concerned of late. My friend lost her much longed-for baby recently, at ten weeks old, and in horrible circumstances. I can't stop thinking about it, and feel so sad for her. I'm not usually so shouty.

I feel really sad now.
(G-Lo, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:24, closed)

Hmmmm
1. We broke up mutually, and you know nothing of the circumstances. There are a number of pretty serious ways in which Maxine treated me 'like poo', which I've not gone into - and woman B became pregnant very quickly after we started seeing each other. Maxine became pregnant on the last occasion we slept together before we broke up - we were both devastated when we broke up. All I did was launch into a rebound relationship with a nutter, whilst I was still coming to terms with it all. You don't know what you're talking about here, I'm afraid.

2. you haven't read my post properly: I was told by woman B she was sterile (and I had STD tests before sleeping with her which you weren't to know), and Maxine became pregnant through coil failure - the coil, to my knowlege, being a method of contraception. And no, I wasn't sleeping with both women at the same time.

3. Read my edit 2 (14:07 post) when I said 'I told her it would ruin my life' I meant it figuratively, I just told her about the abusive situation I was in (EDIT: and I was glassed just for talking to her). I told Maxine I'd suppport whatever decision she chose to make no matter what. She already has a 14 year old son; her future is just likely to be childless with me.

Sorry to hear of your friend's loss. I wish to God Maxine hadn't terminated to be honest - given the choice she'd be the mother of my child as she is 100% amazing.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 16:52, closed)

*apologises*
You're right, I don't know enough about your circumstances, sorry
(G-Lo, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 17:46, closed)

this is heartbreaking
and i wish her and you all the best.

Kind of a good sign though that she got pregnant whilst using the coil, as it's the most reliable form of contraception - the odds against that conception were frankly freakish, so she must have at least a fair chance if you're actually trying.

Also, the above just serves to remind me why cancer joy's on my ignore list. You don't need the vindication of some judgemental halfwit, so don't rise to it. :)
(jennymnemonic, Mon 6 Oct 2008, 21:01, closed)

Thank you so much - I've been most upset by all this
There are indeed no winners here - the reason I posted my tale of abject misery was merely to point out the enormous sacrifice made on my behalf by a lovely, lovely person.

In short - it's the nicest thing someone's ever done for me.

EDIT sadly the problem isn't the getting pregnant but the ability to go full term or even near it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Oct 2008, 9:17, closed)