This is every nightclub experience I have ever had
1) I am in a town centre pub. It is late, I appear to have spent a lot of money on nothing and I am with a large group of people, most of whom I do not know. The part of the evening I knew I would enjoy is over and I want to go home. I wont be going home tonight. I will be sleeping on the floor of the one member of the group I actually know. He promised me that we would go home after the meal and that there is no way we will be going clubbing.

2) We are going clubbing.

3) We all stand in the street while the group decides which club to go to. The streets are crowded with drunken noisy people. The streets smell of piss. This is because people are pissing in the streets. I need to piss. The group discussion carries on for about 20 minutes because some people are wearing trainers and some people have left their car somewhere and some people just like the sound of their own voice. I am not part of the discussion, partly because I have never been to any of the nightclubs being discussed.

4) Some of us need to get money. We join a large disjointed queue for an ATM machine. People are walking through the queue and there is a homeless man with a dog sitting right next to the ATM machine. I withdraw more money that I do not want to spend while ignoring the monotone pleas of the homeless man. I feel sorry for the dog.

5) We walk for more than 10 minutes. I have no idea where we are going. We finally arrive at the club only to be greeted by the sight of a long queue. The group stands in the street for 10 minutes discussing whether it is worth joining the queue. We join the queue. The group continues to discuss whether we actually want to enter this particular club. Just when we are making some headway the group decides that we will go to another club. We leave the queue.

And that’s it. That’s clubbing. Waiting around with a full bladder and an empty wallet while people I don’t know decide which overpriced noisy shit-hole to frequent.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 15:56, 13 replies)

This is scarily accurate

but continue your vitriol for time spent in the club, do it now!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 16:00, closed)

OMG!
I think I've been clubbing with you.
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 16:01, closed)

Either
you go to shit clubs, or you're a boring cunt.

Or possibly both.
(username1, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 16:08, closed)

A little bit from column A
and a little bit from column B
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 16:10, closed)

I can confirm
This is 100% fact. When I was younger and more impressionable a fair number of my friends managed to convince me to go clubbing on a semi-regular basis. Why I do not hate these people with a passion that would cause them to combust spontaneously into a cloud of disco dry ice, I do not know.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 16:57, closed)

But, why don't you just
go home?
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 17:12, closed)

I live in the country
Taxi drivers wont come out to my area so I have to sleep at a friends house if I am out on the town. This means I have to do what the friend does.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 17:21, closed)

Similiar to my experiences.
A lot of money spent, a lot of faffing about and enjoyment = minimal.
(Big D, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 17:19, closed)

spot on
Let's face it: clubbing is shit. It only seems bearable to some people because their judgement is impaired by ethanol or somesuch.
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 23:32, closed)

nail on the head
/lurks
( feckless the pirate, Thu 9 Apr 2009, 15:50, closed)

While I wholeheartedly agree...
I cannot help but read this entire post in the voice of David Mitchell.
( Shegetz Chris Kamara's comedy moustache, Fri 10 Apr 2009, 23:03, closed)

A*
Clubs are only decent if you can hold a conversation, or if you are smashed enough to dance without feeling like a total arse (of course).

Bravo to you Sir. Bravo.
(Chairman Lmao Something something your mum, Tue 14 Apr 2009, 15:04, closed)

Utterly...
...utterly accurate.
( notmyrealname, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 19:26, closed)